Leading Tested

Anatomy of a Leading, plus or minus Pipe Organ

RantWoman, how do you know... was from God and not from your ego?

Umm, if I am supposed to love my neighbor as myself then I am supposed to love myself so what is the difference between my ego and God?

 

Seriously, RantWoman tests leading various ways, sometimes with conversations or email, sometimes with gut checks. RantWoman is surprised sometimes by how her gut checks get validated. That was definitely the case for this moment, also referenced here

https://rantwomanrsof.blogspot.com/2019/04/palm-sunday-minus-pipe-organ-after.html

https://rantwomanrsof.blogspot.com/2019/04/metaphors-maundy-thursday-charoset-ice.html

 

By validated, RantWoman means, among other things:

 

--How does RantWoman’s body feel? Does breath flow easily? If there is something discomfiting is RantWoman still physically calm?

 

--Does RantWoman collect information she had no way of knowing in advance would come her way?

Here, Yes and Yes.

 

Recently RantWoman needed to test which of two First Day choices she was called to, go to Adult Religious Education at her Meeting and then deal with the issue of Business Meeting requests or go appreciate pipe organ (and Powerpoint!?!   In worship, oh well) at a large faith community where RantWoman has family connections. Alert readers can probably figure out which faith community RantWoman is referring to, but RantWoman needs for a number of reasons to be elliptical.

 

Get off bus. Go west toward Meeting or North. North by a clear gut check.

 

Arrive at house of worship. Early service with pipe organ is just getting out.

Find a bench. Text Little Sister about rendezvous. Attend from the bench to flows of the faithful. Observe conversation: someone trying to help someone with complicated situation who may or may not be able to follow through.

 

Observe streams of visitors. Collect text from Little Sister: does Rantwoman want to go to the contemporary service? No, not really. Open to pipe organ at 11 though. Little Sister suggests RantWoman visit large gathering room where there is coffee, where irrepressible Nephew is hard at work. Nephew has just gotten back from a housebuilding trip to Mexico; happily the trip occurred despite threats of even more extreme border silliness from The Orange One.

 

Find large gathering room. Find some scrambled eggs, fruit coffee. Read a few days of devotionals from the large print guide RantMom always gifts. Collect joyous hug when Nephew spots RantWoman. Finish eggs and coffee. Make mental note to learn more about big homelessness ministry. Take note of the off-duty police officer.

 

Decision time: ”Pipe organ or….

 

Body tenses at thought of a whole hour of worship that is like a slightly ill-fitting pair of high-wquality shoes. A fit for someone else but not RantWoman.

Or! Rantwoman finds elevator and walks. Kinks fall out of body. Lungs fill with air.

Eyes drink in spring green.

 

RantWoman nears meeting. The pinks and yellows of the plantings fill RantWoman’s soul.

Gut check: yeah, gut is there. Give things to God. Breathe easier.

Meeting for business has already started.

 

RantWoman finds a chair, sits, holds proceedings in the Light.

 

RantWoman notes a couple she cannot identify leaving. RantWoman considers running after to ask why they leave. RantWoman thinks someone else also left.

 

RantWoman greets another visitor she has previously met.

 

RantWoman observes an incident and followup conversation related to an obviously homeless person. RantWoman makes mental note to think about further steps.

 

20-something Friend emerges from Worship room and suggests that RantWoman is not supposed to be there.

 

RantWoman suggests that Friend needs to give the problem to God.

 

Young Friend feels need to go back to Worship room and spread the alarm: RantWoman is here! RantWoman is here!

 

Then young Friend finds visitor who had asked for him and stomps out. RantWoman thinks there also were tears.

 

Distressed Friends emerge and desparately want RantWoman to go sit in library. Library was already occupied by Chattery Friend not RantWoman’s first choice to hang with. Two Friends join RantWoman and interesting useful conversation starts to occur until flow shifts to domination by Chattery Friend. Guess which gender. RantWoman means to talk about New Attender cards. RantWoman collects data: Meeting just approved membership for someone whose long ago new attender card one of the conversation Friends recently found unaddressed in an old notebook. Okay. Save new attender cards for another conversation !

 

Also collect data on who is speaking against RantWoman appearing in Business meeting. Turns out the following week RantWoman will owe said Friend a thank you. Said Friend KNOWS and has had multiple requests to email RantWoman the Adult Ed handouts AHEAD of the event. This occurs VERY unevenly. In the most recent case, RantWoman received the handout and resource list AFTER the event. RantWoman supposes she is grateful for the resource digestion service and grateful for some video links. Actually, RantWoman needs to pen a strand of thoughts in another post.

 

But imagine if the info got emailed or publicized more broadly in advance of Adult education. Just imagine. Could Friends make people feel welcome????

 

What RantWoman is stuck on: Said Friend was clerk of Worship and Ministry a number of years ago when RantWoman decided pastoral care committees needed to observe Disabilities Awareness Month. Said Friend despite clerk role asked to be taken off the email list. Um, no. And NO, Rantwoman STILL will not be silenced. RantWoman is trying to decide whether to be grateful for this reminder.

 

NO RantWoman does not want to go have coffee with Said Friend to talk about this. RantWoman has no idea what conversation would help and RantWoman is seasoning a need to elaborate further about a related thread of life. RantWoman SO would not mind different data to collect!