A glorious fit or 2 or 3 or 17 of them about pronouns, people of many genders

One highlight of the time spent seasoning this year's  minute on welcoming all genders was that almost every occasion where people were asked to introduce themselves, including rising to speak in Business sessions, they were asked to offer their pronoun preferences! Yep, as one young friend put it, a thrill to see elders saying their pronouns!

But how was it for RantWoman?

RantWoman esteems a single standard of Truth. RantWoman was charmed recently in a non-Quaker context: RantWoman was part of a selection process to send people to an activism conference where people also are asked to offer their pronouns. Two of the three women picked reported on their return how exhilarating (RantWoman's word) it was even to think about pronouns.

But back to Annual Session, for anyone still lingering with summer in spite of the need to embrace the vivid colors and shifting Light of fall.

RantWoman in a social media post about this year's NPYM Annual session used the phrase "A glorious fit about pronouns" and the Friend acknowledging God's call to cope. RantWoman paraphrases. RantWoman also understates. In fact, lest the friend above feel singled out, RantWoman heard and appreciated several glorious fits about pronouns.

There is something to be said for recognizing oneself as a holy child of God no matter how much crap is coming at one. RantWoman understates the vehemence of this fit: it came with the thought that it can be really damaging to have one's identity tied up in others' reactions!

"Just call me whatever," a pronoun preference ffavored by middle-aged lesbians who probably have been called whatever for a long time.

RantWoman goes among people with gender-ambiguous names such as Lee, Brett,  Sasha, Jo(e) and we will not even speak of people striving to have their names and grasp of pronoun concepts reflected correctly in a language very different from the ones they grew up with.

RantWoman was very glad not to be the only Friend having fits about how Anglocentric the pronoun discussion is. RantWoman is also a smartass. RantWoman recently made a new version of her customary Un-nametag with "Please Tell Me Your Name on one side and RantWoman's name on the other. On the side with her name, RantWoman put her pronouns (nominative case) in the three languages she has officially studied.

RantWoman lives among the heady activist scene in Seattle gets asked fairly often to offer pronoun preference. Almost always there are both people who favor a number of different pronouns and people who have never thought about the issue.

RantWoman sometimes gets all pedantic about the singular they as a gender-neutral option. RantWoman also had a conversation this week with Amazing Artist Friend whose pronoun preference is we, with a huge side of self-acceptance. RantWoman keeps forgetting about the we and it always takes a few times in conversation before RantWoman settles down with it.

At lunch one day at Annual Session, RantWoman dined with someone who reported on a training from work about transgender issues. Lunch conversationalist commented about the presenter talking about all the energy they spend hiding their identity that could be better put to use meeting the company's goals.

Random further meditations:

One Friend at first could not go forward. This Friend spoke of the Friend's Meeting having a lot on it's plate, a point RantWoman sees, and of not being "ready."  This Friend had a comment about "pridefulness" from the Meeting that has worked most on this minute.  RantWoman was glad the whole room did not pull at some possible threads. RantWoman thinks the minute is imperfect, highly anglo-centric, and a snapshot in time. All those wonderful youth who have space to talk about every nuance of gender identity also owe a HUGE debt to brave forebears.

One person mentioned as a doctor early in their career not taking seriously a prescription to maintain needed hormones. Others spoke of the high risk of suicide among transgender youth. One Friend spoke of his family with his two mothers travelling throughout the Yearly Meeting sharing their family with Friends unsure about same-gender relationships.  Another person spoke of living not on the I-5 corridor and both how important the minute is and thinking about what talking about it will mean in her community.

By the next day, the Friend who objected was ready to go forward by Standing Aside. RantWoman was called to thank Standing Aside Friend for speaking his Truth and, to RantWoman's ear, helping draw out various important strands of Light and experience.

Dear Young Friends
We cannot promise that you will not get misgendered all the time.  We cannot promise that on your first visit you will not meet the person who grumps about gender identity issues around children and never comes to Annual Session, but our minute is a hand of welcome.

What might we as Friends be called to do next? The next day editing minutes the answer became clearer: ask Peace and Social Concerns to carry work forward.

There assuredly is work ahead and people in different parts of the Yearly Meeting will probably be lead to realize our intentions in different ways.

After the minute was approved there was worship. RantWoman had been seasoning a call to minister and stood. Finally the call became so clear that RantWoman located the mic runner across the room and fogged over to get the mic. Part of RantWoman's message was about a transgender job candidate with a wonderful sense of humor and about misgendering the job candidate twice in the conversation.

Just to keep RantWoman from taking herself TOO seriously, RantWoman remembers being high after the message, the kind of high that sometimes happens even though RantWoman is also frequently called to speak with more pedestrian effect  RantWoman was thinking with gratitude about the words lining up. RantWoman was gratified when appropriate laughter occurred. RantWoman needed a few moments to get her feet back on the ground at an interest group, ironically about offering vocal ministry. But RantWoman asked two different people whether any of her words stuck with them. Um, no. They were too busy praying for the whole room. Okayyy, RantWoman will just COPE!

Practice Tips for Vocal Ministry

In an effort to leave words of wisdom in their original form, unencumbered by RantWoman message Manglement, RantWoman is posting some items in their own words. Here RantWoman has permission from Joe Snyder to post the handout from an interest group on vocal ministry.

Practice Tips for Vocal Ministry in Meeting for Worship

 

Have one or more regular spiritual practices during the week, daily if possible: prayer time, meditation, journal, physical activity with prayerful centering, etc.  Be watchful in these times for leadings to ministry.

 

Get a good night’s sleep before Meeting.

 

Spend time in prayer and preparation before Meeting.

 

You may eat a good, but light breakfast before Meeting.  Some prefer to fast.  You may wish to be judicious in the use of stimulant beverages.

 

Arrive at Meeting early and find a seat where you can settle into worship.

 

Find a position where you can park your body for an hour or so without having to pay much attention to it.  This may take some practice.  (all of these things may take some practice).  Arrange your face in a pleasant (smiling?) visage.  Some find that attention to the position of the hands makes a difference.

 

As others enter the room, greet them inwardly with love and hold them and their condition in the light.  This may open either the other or yourself or both to receptivity.

 

Opening oneself up to vocal ministry includes opening each member of the body to that option, praying for the process, praying for each one who may be called, praying for the state of the Meeting as a whole.  It may be considered a collective process.

 

Breathe.  Inward breath prayer may be helpful.

 

Centering tools may include an inward mandala or a fixed spot on the wall, floor or ceiling, inward repetitive prayer or song.

 

As ideas, thoughts, leadings come, examine and bless them and let them go.  If they persist, begin to let them be molded into something that may be a message.

 

Pay attention to physical signs.  Many experienced ministers report such symptoms as quaking (we are not called Quakers for nothing)  or trembling, sensations of warmth (maybe on the palms of the hands), sweating, shortness of breath, lightness or light, etc. that seem in indicate authenticity and urgency of a message. 

 

Examine the message.  Is it coming through you, or from you?  Can you deliver it without a lot of first person singular pronouns?  Is it from the heart, from experience?

 

Be attentive to those around you.  Are any likely to be holding you in the Light?  Are there any you need to be holding in the Light?  How does this address the urgency of your message?  Is someone else in the room going to deliver this message?

 

Pare the message down to its essentials.  Eliminate introductions or explanations.

 

Stand up (if able) and deliver the message with your head raised in a clear voice loudly enough to be heard by those in the back of the room and those with hearing disabilities.  If there is not enough power in the message to drive you to your feet, you may wish to sit with it a while longer.

 

Either just before or just after standing, it may be helpful to take a moment or two of inward prayer: eg “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord.”

 

It is good to keep Lewis Carrol’s admonition in mind: “Begin at the beginning, proceed until you get to the end, then stop.”  It is good to sit with the message long enough to have a reasonably good idea of where the end is before you begin.

 

While it may be helpful to do some inward post message analysis of one’s message or delivery, it is best not to dwell on this.

 

Be grateful to and bless those who held you during the delivery of your message.

 

Continue to hold the message and the Meeting in the Light.  You have just dropped a big rock in a still pond.  This includes holding those who will be called to deliver additional messages, and the messages themselves in the light, even before one knows who and what they are.

 

Sometimes messages may be difficult for or incomprehensible to you.  It is OK to just hold the message and the messenger in the Light and not even pay attention to the words.  This is important and powerful work.

 

Ministry can be spiritually, emotionally, and physically draining.  This is normal.  Take care of yourself.  Friends and allies may be useful after Meeting as a shield from those who may want to have an intellectual discussion about the message despite your drained state.

 

Also, be prepared as people approach you after Meeting, that what they heard may not be what you think you said …. and it spoke deeply to their condition.  This is a Mystery and a sign that you have been faithful.

 

The practice of vocal ministry is, indeed, practice.  One will make mistakes: outrun one’s guide, fall short of the mark, go on too long, etc.  While not to be shrugged off, these are inevitable and if attended to, make us more competent servants the next time we are called.

Bathing for All Genders

What's a RantWoman to do?

RantWoman finds this item a highly on-point presentation of issues related to sweat lodges and cultural appropriation.

Spiritual Appropriation Films Explore Cultural Appropriation by New-Agers

AND

RantWoman is aware of several cultures where some kind of group bathing / public steaming is deeply rooted and enjoyed by many. So, RantWoman would love to formulate some understanding of sitting together with spiritual intentions in steaming places that is free of cultural appropriation baggage and that  could be realized easily at Quaker gatherings.

But for now RantWoman will humbly offer comments about all-gender restrooms at #npym2017:

The restrooms in RantWoman's dorm all had doors on stalls and lovely shower curtains. They were also designated all-gender. So RantWoman did not even ask and simply set about taking showers--and holding a caregiving situation in the Light. The only awkward moment: connecting discretely with one's towel after showering.

Hot water: Quakers of all genders expect hot water. This does not mean, for one restroom, there was any God as personal butler model of divine presence or any plumbing staff around to oblige. There was however the soul-purifying opportunity to COPE and an excuse just to ask others to chance a tiny bit more natural olfactory experience than one might mean to impose. Are we feeling pure yet?

Minutes Cookies News

RantWoman! Do NOT squelch the energy and joy of this wonderful young Friend.

B-b-but if I do not say anything.... How about may I please mouth off in square brackets?

Look, RantWoman, you are probably going to ... whether I say anything or not, so if you really really MUST have a middle-aged snit-fit would you maybe please TRY to be kind?

RantWoman usually uses Noms de Blog rather than real names especially when RantWoman writes of things that may be pure message manglement. In this case, RantWoman wants to lift up the wonderful Young Friends statement and is unabashedly quoting extensively from two Facebook posts. Readers who want to find the Facebook posts should be able to come up with helpful search strings.

Quote 1, [annotated]:
Four years ago a Friend and I planted a seed of trans inclusivity in front of a room of about 40 Quakers. [um,. er, How about "tilled the soil of trans inclusivity"? RantWoman so likes words that follow that she will overlook]  Many people took that, tended it, did their own work, and today our Annual [Yearly] Meeting, (aka regional group of Friends encompassing  [UNPROGRAMMED] Quakers within Oregon Washington, Idaho, and Montana) became the first Annual Meeting to pass a Minute (aka statement) on trans inclusivity. We update our Faith and Practice (book of religious guidance) every 12 years [uh, we update our F&P as led. The latest revision has taken 12 years], and the Minute passed [the minute was approved / Meeting came to Unity in just enough time to make it in to the next generation's incarnation of Faith and Practice.

This journey has been so incredible. Seeing elderly people use the words "gender non-conforming," "squish" and "non-binary" with ease, and hearing some of them say that their lives would have been very different had they had that language when they were young. Seeing young trans people come out of the closet in to communities where they are supported and loved. Having cis people buy trans people ice cream and bake them cookies for their emotional labor. There was a lot of frustrating stuff and hurt and pain that went along with it, but oh my goodness, we passed the Minute and made a commitment to keep working through the hard stuff.

[Do you remember how the commitment is to be worked on further?]

Here are some lines from the Minute:

"North Pacific Yearly Meeting understands that the Divine Source is leading our Meeting to honor the gender identity and expression of each person, as understood by that person. We understand that gender may be fluid and changeable. We recognize that when we embrace the Light within the full spectrum identities in our Meeting, our worship deepens and our community is enriched...We extend our loving care to people of all genders, including, but not limited to, transgender, genderqueer, cisgender, gender fluid, agender, gender non-conforming and intersex persons, their families and friends. We will continue to educate ourselves and our communities and take appropriate action to bring about a more equal world."

Quote 2:
Our collective Quaker Meetings of Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Montana just became the first Annual [Yearly] Meeting to make the affirmation of trans people a tenant of our faith. [The "first" part is mildly in dispute, thanks to the formation the day before of the new Sierra Cascade wholly open affirming Christ-centered Yearly Meeting involving Friends from OR, WA and possibly CA. See https://www.scymfriends.org/2017-epistle/   “We are led by the Spirit to commit ourselves to recognizing the full participation of LGBTQ+ people in all aspects of the life of the new yearly meeting.”]

Here is the statement by the Young Adult Friends (18-35) about the importance of approving this statement.

"The young adult friends want to give our support of the trans inclusive Minute. We are coming of age at a time when more trans people are living their lives as their full authentic selves than ever before, and we want to honor and respect the gifts that trans people bring to our community. We recognize that with this increased visibility comes overwhelming discrimination. We mourn the loss of human potential that comes when trans people are forced to spend their energy struggling to survive in this harsh world rather than discovering and nurturing their personal light. We want to live in a faith community where young trans people can use this time in their lives to discover their passions, to learn and to grow, and to build the foundation upon which they base the rest of their lives. Specific and explicit inclusion of all genders is imperative in our community in a world where the default culture remains dangerously intolerant.
This is also a plea for intergenerational unity on this issue that is defining for our times. We deeply need and want the support of our elders and acknowledge the critical role of queer, trans and gender non-conforming elders in our community. We want our faith community to be a place of respite, that provides a safe harbor for trans people and works to shape the rest of society towards justice.
We recognize the importance of centering those impacted by multiple oppressions, and want the passage of this Minute to be the first step towards creating a Quakerism that is fully welcoming to people of color and people of all social and economic backgrounds, both trans and cis.

Friday night at the gratitude bar

RantWoman offers gratitudes in no particular order.

This annual session's grammatical sponsors:

Official Part of Speech Sponsor: pronouns.

Official fulcrum of dialogue: adjectival inclusivity vs snapshot in time.
For comparison consider:
colored. Negro. African American. Person of Color.

In the category of "Accept Help Dammit," RantWoman wishes to express deep gratitude for

--Friends who followed RantWoman's orders and took the sidewalk instead of the grass on RantWoman's first night on campus. RantWoman is sublimely grateful to know the concrete path is there so that Mbassador Thwack can help her find the way back to her dorm in the dark.

--Friends who helped RantWoman figure out the card key reader so she could get into her dorm.

--Friends who have helped RantWoman read interest group lists, menus, condiment labels,  worship sharing guidelines and other daily necessities where RantWoman is finally learning just to borrow someone's eyes.

--Worship Sharing Group. As usual every day is a different combination of people. The guidelines suggest letting each Friend's offerings drop into a well of silence. The guidelines do not reckon with jet noise, construction, golf carts, prospective student tours, trbial gatherings of cheerleader students and aikido practitioners and various species of raucous birds. The offerings are wonderful. They drop into some kind of well. Silence is not the concept.



Words that MAY make it out of RantWoman's mouth in presence of the clerk: "Friend, if people younger than 60 have their hands up, would you consider calling on them first?" RantWoman realizes this may not be a popular sentiment. RantWoman has even heard the word ageism, but how on earth are people going to fill the weighty friend pipeline if they do not get a chance to practice? RantWoman is aware of going to another event in a different part of her life with similar frequent flier issues. Consistency is okay; RantWoman would like some variety. Please hold whichever problems rise from RantWoman rendering this paragraph in the Light.


Thank you NPYM site committee. How do you do it? Does every campus you sign a contract with just decide "Oh good, the Quakers are coming. Let's schedule some construction?"