Sunday, January 29, 2017

Bowl? What Bowl?

Bless us oh Lord for, although the new Administration bathes us daily in new outrages, RantWoman and those in vicinity of RantWoman's Inner blowtorch already experience a bounty of vexations, fixations, conniptions, and other impediments to RantWoman achieving the civilized centered presence she aspires to be....

I lift up my eyes to the mountains ... my help cometh.

Except, the latest Tweet of God to the Not Quite Lost, I lift up my smartphone to the Cloud from whence cometh MORE TWITTER!

RantWoman, ONE thing at a time.

Dear Friend With Whom RantWoman thinks it is reasonable to expect better conversations than have occurred.

Thank you for letting us know you like to be in control. That is not exactly what you said but RantWoman has formed that strong impression and has decided to shorthand what you said that way for now. News flash. You are not in control God is. RantWoman also heard you say, basically, that not being control makes you edgy. Cope. "Cope" is not necessarily where one would predict RantWoman would fall on the personality test axis being discussed. Cope. For one thing RantWoman perceives that you probably have had lots of practice and are in fact able to do it.

RantWoman thanks everyone who noticed that one particular moment at a recent gathering that other people must have thought wonderful was ACUTELY distressing to RantWoman. RantWoman would not have minded if one Friend who asked had MAYBE probed a little better but RantWoman really had clearly said all that she could at the moment. RantWoman had a sense of that Friend feeling entitled to more that a clear request repeated MULTIPLE times just to hold the problem in the Light for now.

Points causing conniptions, in no particular order:

RantWoman is going to SAY it was not all the seeing language "I see you you see me .... love"  RantWoman is going to SAY that; it is not entirely true but RantWoman will still feel entitled to go on at length some other time.

Apparently there was some kind of bowl beign passed around. RantWoman had no freaking idea there was a bowl being passed around because no one freaking said anything about it at the beginning. If RantWoman had known to pay attention to its passage, she might have interacted. If RantWoman had been sitting next to different people MAYBE she would not have been startled and jumped if someone had tapped her on the arm to pass the darn thing. But RantWoman did not even learn of the freaking bowl until someone asked her about her reactions a day later.

Next we have a tune. It was a nice tune except RantWoman can hear that she is not matching the pitch but cannot figure out how to match. The fact of this not being able to match is a wellspring of HUGE music-related angst around the Rant Family.  Plus, even though RantWoman cannot match the pitch, after approximately 10 zillion repetitions of a tune, RantWoman tends to want to add harmonies, arrangements, other complexity. But no, we continue repeating the same tune for approximately another eon or so.

In other words, the whole effect is already Love Each Other Dammit. We have the impossible singing issue. We have the forget to mention the bowl. We have the "I like to be in Control." RantWoman does not even apologize that this all adds up, on Planet RantWoman, to Love Each Other dammit!

And then the problem with "I see you you see me ...we see love:" RantWoman was seated closest to and really not free to move away from two, um, challenging personalities." Challenging personalities as in they get along with RantWoman and therefore by definition they are challenging personalities. But RantWoman digresses. The point is, merely, that I see you you see me wee see love goes a WHOLE lot better with respectful boundaries and space for something other than suppressing urges to well... and a mind-numbing expectation that RantWoman is supposed to sing along blissfully and pretend that all is lovely and wonderful and hunky dory just because, well just because...

There is more to this train of thought than necessarily needs to get spilled all over one teeny group exercise. RantWoman has had a wonderful mental health practitioner who has been a great help about such things. Alas, Mental Health Practitioner has not been seeing clients and needs to be held in the Light because of what RantWoman thinks would be an utterly distressing and disconcerting medical event, one RantWoman has little information about current recovery progression for.. At this point RantWoman has new insurance and also needs to make the next phone call and the next  and ...

And RantWoman now needs to return to her burgeoning inbox, a "security certificate error" wth a specialized piece of software important in her life, and numerous other throbbing concerns. But yeah, RantWoman also needs to be held in the Light.

Incidentally, the rest of the day had sufficient gifts.

No comments:

Post a Comment