Elder at Large

Our Meeting has available some cards that say "Attention please, I am a Quaker. In the event of an emergency, please be quiet." A move or two ago, RantWoman had one of these cards on her refrigerator. Well, except RantWoman had turned it over and translated it out of Quakerese "Attention please. I am a practicing Quaker. (That means I am not very good at it.) In the event of an emergency please SHUT THE $*#$ UP!"

One of the big issues in the Compost-themed saga of RantWoman and Dear Friend is what is required of an elder. Another is the degree to which Dear Friend's certainties in this area are entirely in order processwise in the first place. This said, RantWoman is getting enough out of SOME parts of the conversation to continue the dialogue, at least long enough to figure out what most needs immediate further attention and what parts will for a large number of different reasons have to work themselves out over time with different combinations of people. RantWoman also has this profound sense that, bewildering as some of this seems to be for some members of our community, there is some value in working things out semi-publicly and trying also to be explicit about process as we go along.



Well, sometimes RantWoman has this sense. Sometimes RantWoman thinks it is the most cockamamie organizational development strategy in the history of the known universe, that RantWoman herself should just flee to other things demanding her time. More on this in a post about leadings.



RantWoman supposes it would at least be good for an elder to aspire more toward the Quakerese version of the statement above. That ain't the half of it. If you want links and thoughtful reasoning--as opposed to what seeps out of mental lint in process of framing events, keep wanting; RantWoman does and will put some systematic grappling on her agenda at some point. If you can handle actual experience, read on.



Item: at Sunday's Meeting for Business, RantWoman was strongly led to elder unnamed Friends in general: if Friends have issues with Dear Friend on their own account, feel free; they need feel absolutely no need to have issues with Dear Friend on RantWoman's behalf. RantWoman only obliquely said she thinks they all need to get their process acts in gear as well; RantWoman is trusting that point will emerge again and again and is holding that process in the Light, holding herself in the Light to speak and model reasonably.



Item: speaking of modeling, early in the process of considering RantWoman's nomination, RantWoman had several conversations about her Sudoku habit. RantWoman has written about that elsewhere. The gist of the point: People, including some RantWoman is pretty sure have served on the very committee at issue, do all kinds of things in Meeting for worship. RantWoman does Sudoku partly because her eyes hurt. RantWoman's eyes do not hurt in a way that much can be done about and RantWoman is so clear about her need to be in Meeting for Worship among people she loves that she comes regardless. However, much as RantWoman wants to create an environment that models and supports worship, RantWoman honestly does not think it is terrible jus to sit with RantWoman's or anyone else's pain as part of our total experience.



Item: Yesterday RantWoman found herself eldering a member of our Meeting who is about to assume a very important faraway role. RantWoman had thought of asking this Friend a couple questions, but connections had not happened over several days and this Friend expressed other signs of being overwhelmed with transition adjustments. This Friend called RantWoman in another attempt to connect and in a reply voice mail. RantWoman realized the most appropriate thing to do is to tell the Friend she needs to consider herself released from any need to deal with RantWoman's questions and also that maybe this Friend should explicitly ask our Meeting for formal released status and topical care and support in her new role.



Item: in following up on RantWoman's kvetches about lunch and Meeting for Business, RantWoman was led to offer a suggestion to the clerk of personnel committee about using volunteer rather than paid time for one activity our Meeting may have more of as some projects unfold. RantWoman made the comment and now has confidence it will be well-seasoned.



Item: The Compost thread is unfolding against the background of a whole stew where RantWoman had to elder Dear Friend about a matter that properly falls under the purview of our Meeting's personnel committee. RantWoman and Dear Friend talk and laugh and grumble back and forth all the time, and one time Dear Friend was grumbling about the personnel question. RantWoman understood very fast from Dear Friend's words that his behavior was almost certainly a very big problem to people who are current personnel. RantWoman said as much to Dear Friend and did not feel heard. RantWoman spoke to the key topical staffperson. This person's words exactly matched what RantWoman had suspected from conversation with Dear Friend and RantWoman did what she could to help topical assistance fall into place. RantWoman at some point stopped trying to interact with Dear Friend and just listened to him vent.



RantWoman is perfectly well aware that the reasonable personnel committee view resulted in some decisions that are a pain in the rear for Dear Friend. RantWoman also discerns some topics that could benefit from community light, but under the circumstances the Meeting WILL get around to it when the time is ripe. Sometime, somehow, RantWoman would be THRILLED if Dear Friend can ever acknowledge to RantWoman that he understands the Personnel Committee perspective. Of course, trust, but verify anyway.



Item: The more RantWoman talks to Dear Friend about the exact circumstances of her nomination, the clearer RantWoman becomes that Dear Friend may in fact both be attending to things way out of scope for a nomination decision and be WAY out of order in process terms. RantWoman in the course of trying more fully to understand this committee's charge has figured out that Nom Comm has one view. Dear Friend has another view and it is further unclear what is current practice on the committee. For further grins RantWoman has read our Yearly Meeting's Faith and Practice and our Monthly Meeting's bylaws. To say RantWoman has not found clear authority about several points from the narrative so far would be an extreme understatement. RantWoman in a recent phone conversation heard Dear Friend articulate some highly topical points related to Faith and Practice and our bylaws but since RantWoman is not on the topical committee, she thinks Dear Friend's current interventions are doing a lousy job of upholding that committee's process, of building that committee's capacity to work things out in its current composition. RantWoman unquestionably could have been more articulate and proactive at several points so far, but nothing that has come has reduced the clarity of her concerns that Dear Friend is getting in the way inappropriately. Now how to translate all of that into Quakerese, Quakerese that will land for others whether or not it lands for Dear Friend.



Item: RantWoman needs to acknowledge a sense that many historical elders in our Meeting have in recent years either rudely gone and died or at least moved out to lovely retirement among all the other seasoned Friends in certain island and shoreline locales. Other Friends go an get name clerk of very, very important Quaker activities, and our location brings a steady stream of seekers so that we have an ongoing task of orienting and connecting people in many phases of evolution as Friends. The process of seasoning RantWoman's nomination has caused RantWoman to reflect about her service and training (or lack thereof) for a number of roles. This topic gets its own entry. Next came RantWoman and Dear Friend forming a clearness committee. RantWoman realized two things she is simply going to call out for now. 1. Despite TWO spells as recording clerk and service on multiple committees including clerking two of them, RantWoman herself has never been asked to sit on any Clearness committees. 2. Despite a continually articulated concern about involving people younger than 40, RantWoman and Dear Friend did not think even to make the point of including such folk on our list of people to be asked for help. So boo for both of us.


Finally, RantWoman has been thinking of a few email threads and other points from this process and she had a terrifying thought, a thought so horrifying that she is not even going to articulate it, a thought that God is going to have to wrap up and deliver to topical people directly. Ai-yi-yi!