Friday, April 22, 2016

And Introducing....

RantWoman humbly notes an interesting evolution from ZERO people attending an Interest group RantWoman once proposed on "Howling about our Dimishments" or some darned thing. RantWoman has received and has accepted the latest in a trickle of invitations  to visit the Children's program and talk about disabilities.

RantWoman is not clear whether it is Bad Auntie or Worse Auntie who have showed up to help her prepare. Probably RantWoman should simply not become overreliant on weird character development, but in the meantime, besides the concept of "UnNameTags," some possible introductions:

"This is Ambassador Thwack my badly behaved white cane. Sometimes he would rather curl up and lounge in my bag than work. Sometimes he goes overboard on the percussive pedagogy even though he is just supposed to warn me by bumping into things so I do not have to.
   Thwack is a little iffy on the Peace testimony,,,." I also have two other Thwacks, including Deputy Chief of Mission Thwack who is the same length fully extended but folds up more compactly. She likes to roll around on the carpets at certain local technology companies and she is slightly better able to be nice to challenging people...."

"This is Alex the Service python. Do not worry if you cannot see him / her. Zie is having gender identity issues. Very rarely do people have both a service animal and a white cane, but Alex helps me manage Ambassador Thwack's behavior.

Alex's other job is to educate people about service animal issues. Alex recommends the video imbedded in this blog post.
 Really Great WA State Service Animal Video
Alex is non-allergenic and very highly trained. Zir usual focus points: there are two questions it is appropriate to ask.

Is this animal required because of a disability?
[Slightly less interpersonal finesse than a brillo pad social interaction disorder?
Hyperactive BS detector?
Severely Underdeveloped suck-up reflex?
Chronic and Uncontrollable Annoying blind person behaviors?
Terminal allergy to getting run over?
 Hyperventilation in the face of Grab the blind Person and bless Them?
Acute sports conversation phobia?
Chronic need for mental tune-ups via pipe organ?
Pick one or offer your own]

What service or command does the animal perform for you?
--My service python helps me deal with exploding people.
Exploding people? RantWoman GET REAL.
No seriously...

--Some people have elders. My service python is my elder?
Don't worry, the target age group probably has no concept of elder

--Have you never heard of a service python? In the state of WA any animal can be a service animal. Local laws vary in different jurisdictions but the federal standard is that certain breeds of dogs and miniature horses are the only animals that qualify as service animals. There is no set standard for training or certification of service animals. If the handler can answer the questions above  it's a service animals  unless and until serious animal behavior issues arise.

--My service python helps me find lemons dropped onto the kitchen floor and things like hairballs and kitty vomit that I hear happen and need to clean up.

Okay RantWoman, and MAYBE you need a different tagline that last summer's #canetravel tweet about teaching young children to bang on walls and floors with sticks...?

ummm, maybe!

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