Grooming

RantWoman feels extremely gratified. RantWoman had one of her spells of serious “we are all ministers of God” regardless of committee or title. For her trouble RantWoman got THANKED by multiple people for helping another Friend get in the face of Friends in her own Meeting. To be fair, one of those who thanked RantWoman was also from the concerned Friend's Meeting and was glad finally to make connections and be able to act on concerns.

The exact circumstances are one of those child safety issues that would never be caught if one relies ONLY on industry standard on Planet Capitalism, that is organizations running childcare programs where there are always two adults, better yet two adults who have been through background checks. The problem in this case was not anyone involved in child care. A big part of the problem was just being able to talk of concerns, to be heard, and to determine what needed to happen NOW in order to prevent worse problems.

RantWoman is going to do the best she can to describe generalized circumstances without compromising confidentiality. The person who is the subject of this reflection does not have any formal connection to a childcare program. RantWoman has NO indication that anything about that person would show up on a background check. Yet last summer when RantWoman first heard of the concerns this person was creating, RantWoman recognized a number of issues immediately.

One concept at issue: grooming. Here are an assortment of web links to satisfy RantWoman's need for things accessible to her and hopefully things she can find again.

Wikipedia on the topic:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_grooming


Thank you Oprah
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Child-Sexual-Abuse-6-Stages-of-Grooming


These two sources glance over the point that grooming behaviors extend to people and organizations around the target of the grooming person's interests, for example to religious congregations. The Friend with the concern reported evidence from others of this problem in the Friend’s Meeting: the Friend’s concerns were minimized in conversation because other Friends in that Meeting cited all the things the grooming person had done since starting to participate in the community.

The next topical concept: talking of the problem.
RantWoman was the second tier of a parent's efforts to talk of the problem after the parent tried talking to others in that parent's Meeting. The story did not all come out at once. It came out as narrative mixed in with other conversational topics over the time of a gathering. RantWoman helped the parent connect to the Ministry and Oversight committee at the gathering. RantWoman was able to do that partly because members of MInistry and Oversight were listed every day in the daily bulletin.

RantWoman feels a small pang though because it would have made sense for either RantWoman or the gathering’s Ministry and Oversight committee to try in short order to help the Friend have a conversation with others in that Friend's meeting about the concerns at issue. The idea of such a meeting did not form in anyone’s mind until it was too late to arrange it at that gathering. Resources were provided but that Friend had hesitations about following up. Separately conversations occurred between topical committees and the Friend's Meeting.

Along comes another gathering. RantWoman had been thinking for a few reasons that the problem was getting worked through appropriate channels but RantWoman had not really been checking up, that is until RantWoman and the parent with the concerns arrived again at a gathering. Reasons for concern were even clearer in conversation though the parent had been holding firm about rules. Unfortunately the parent had also been missing worship to avoid the problem and was unsure who specifically to contact in that Friend’s Meeting.

RantWoman checked her limited mental list of members of the gathering’s Ministry and Oversight committee who were present. One conversation with a committee member occurred. From what the parent shared with RantWoman, RantWoman is unclear whether the listening Friend missed the point or whether the concerned parent simply did not articulate some key point. Based on the parent’s account of the conversation with the listening Friend, RantWoman for once was given, instead of fog and freight trainloads of free association, some very specific words for the concerned parent to start with: “I need help talking to my Meeting about…”

RantWoman would have offered to accompany but had to be elsewhere. Instead she nodded firmly with GO NOW. The concerned parent was able to take concerns directly to Ministry and Oversight, meeting at that very moment in a room downstairs from where RantWoman and the concerned parent were speaking. It turned out that one Act NOW step was needed and additional follow up is promised. RantWoman observed several subsequent conversations occurring; RantWoman heard thanks from several Friends for helping the concerned parent find the right channels. You’re welcome. Or it wasn’t just RantWoman it was ….

Upon further reflection, RantWoman does not necessarily think Friends with the sort of concern written of here should have to rely on the foggy chance that the person they feel able to talk to of concerns will know how to identify members of Ministry and Oversight at this gathering. RantWoman has no opinion about how to address that concern but will hold it....