Younger Blood Older Eyes

RantWoman Reads

http://westernfriend.org/2011/05/younger-blood-older-eyes/


http://questforadequacy.blogspot.com/2011/04/dialogue.html


http://esrquaker.blogspot.com/2011/06/traveling-among-friends-by-mac-lemann.html



http://theimageoffish.com/2011/06/20/the-future-of-quakerism



http://christinthequakerchurch.wordpress.com/2011/06/17/we-are-not-cool-or-are-we/


http://www.insighttrails.com/blog/2011/06/why-the-surprise.html



and from other rantings in and outside Quakerdom:

http://blog.sojo.net/2011/06/13/10-problems-of-a-dying-church-and-how-to-fix-them/



http://odb.org/2011/06/13/your-spiritual-pipeline/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+odb%2Ffeed+%28Our+Daily+Bread%29


http://questforadequacy.blogspot.com/2011/06/gifts-to-share-part-3.html


http://aquakerwitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/difference-discrimination-and-diversity.html#more


RantWoman should perhaps let it go at blog posts and readers not prepared for a bumpy raw excursion through RantWoman's spiritual amusement park might want to stop where there is already plenty to consider.


Friends in the mood for more adventure are invited to continue:
Until recent festive RantWoman DARN WELL WILL take the matter to Business Meeting events, RantWoman was the second-youngest member of a certain committee--and RantWoman is about to hit the half-century mark. (Verb tense spoiler alert!)

Over the last couple months, RantWoman has been TRYING to have conversations about things in a certain committee that are not working for her and about things where she would like to apply energy, gifts, and the RantWoman inner Blowtorch to specific projects. Is RantWoman the most gifted and perceptive committee participant ever? Um nope, but RantWoman's experience is that God shows up often enough to go forward.

RantWoman is VERY humble about this point. RantWoman participates in or facilitates several committees and a certain committee is BY FAR the most challenging experience RantWoman currently endures. RantWoman has some theories about why. They are too much for this post. Suffice to say that it is clear that RantWoman AND everyone else are miserable.

Anyway RantWoman has to trust the God showing up part. The four oldest members of said committee who plan to continue have been waging a campaign via Nominating Committee to get RantWoman to resign. They only volunteered this to anything like RantWoman's face when, after hearing it secondhand, RantWoman boldly ASKED. It's not clear to RantWoman that the yearning for RantWoman to resign is unanimous but the one articulate voice to the contrary is, self-described, reactive. (This voice has been the one most articulately speaking to other things frying RantWoman's nerves. So we start where we are.

RantWoman received news of desire from Nominating Committee and Oversight. RantWoman is meditating about what she has done to be such a fearsom presence that her fellow committee members did not feel able to speak to her directly. RantWoman also now realizes that she could darn well have brought it up at an intervening committee meeting and did not. RantWoman also meant to but did not achieve more phone conversations--though no one called RantWoman either! Instead, after secondhand mush RantWoman could not interact with from Nominating Committee and one phone call, RantWoman did what everyone already complains of her doing too much of, SENDING EMAIL.

Email is a problem because:
(Can anyone guess age demographics associated with some of these points?)

--Some Friends just do not like email and are unwilling to adjust.

--Some Friends are unwilling to discuss why RantWoman really depends on email and practices tried and true in other contexts that could help greatly.

--Some Friends are more comfortable writing email; others wnat to talk in person and Friends are not able to talk about how to work together across different styles.

--Just because conversations are rushed, disorganized, and insensitive in person does NOT necessarily mean email will be an improvement. Unfortunately, conversations going badly in person are also sometimes a factor in RantWoman getting so upset she cannot talk and then writing still MORE email.

--RantWoman's emails are indeed a lot like some of her blog posts, a lot to digest.

--Decisions about how the committee deals with email were made in a way that did not deal with a very big reasonable accommodations issue that RantWoman had articulated in a way that would not address the problem in this case. RantWoman is seasoning a whole blog post about the exact dynamics and is further meditating about just posting most of her email making this point.

Nevertheless, RantWoman's efforts still yielded several important threads, some of which RantWoman is freely embrodering for emphasis.

--RantWoman really, really, really needs more pointedly to make everyone sit with what it means to be in meetings with someone who sees very badly. Numerous points have emerged in the course of other conversations. It seems likely that more trial and error would help a lot. RantWoman is in "tough, this is my world, you just get to visit so COPE" mode. That is RantWoman is nowhere near graduating from Charm School even if she isnot necessarily the most gracious tutor either.

--"We really do not have energy, do not want to argue about / discuss details that would make life better, and cannot even think about what it would mean to draw in new energy." This one RantWoman finds especially challenging when the other main festivity at Business Meeting had to do with money, that is severely stressed resources.

RantWoman was touched for instance by Finance Committee's suggestion that Meeting could meet its budget if everyone got out their checkbooks and wrote a check for $118. RantWoman paid a big bill and has less than $118 for the whole month. RantWoman absolutely DOES need better focus about her Make Your Own Job fortunes, but in the meantime ALL RantWoman has to contribute is her charm and energy!

RantWoman found herself thinking afterward of worship sharing a few months ago in Adult Education about what drew people to Friends and what keeps them coming back. A point that stuck in RantWoman's mind: our Meeting periodically does outreach of different kinds but sometimes has trouble making newcomers feel welcome once we draw them in. RantWoman has also been listening to people speaking of community as a big factor in why they stay. RantWoman is seasoning some specific Light about Business Meeting as mystical spirit-led experience; RantWoman is unsure the most recent Business Meeting meets her own standards, but again sometimes one starts with the raw material one has and has to lay the matter in bigger hands in the first place.

For instance, RantWoman thinks instead of just exhorting people already here to get out checkbooks, we should consider ways to draw in new people to spread our costs over more people. RantWoman has been reading in other blogs of networks of Quakers in certain activities drawing in others and is wondering what would help Friends think of and draw in people they would like to worship with. RantWoman is also humble about her own desire NOT necessarily for more opportunity to experience that of God among other difficult, challenging, broke people with disabilities just like herself or more so. God is also going to have to work on that problem!


Meanwhile, RantWoman, it's all your fault for:
--Suggesting that, while it's topical to hand off one issue, it's also topical to acknowledge the parts of the problem that need attention from a certain committee.

--Displaying what seem to RantWoman to be appropriate emotions in numerous contexts but not automatically instantly being able to come up with language about pastoral care of each other or Quaker teamwork or....

--Generally expecting that it is reasonable to be able to talk about what does or does not work for everyone, not just a few committee members.

--Having some weird brain circuit that heard A LOT of things other people THINK they were communicating just as "shut up."

--When "shut up" turned in one email into "I have decided on your behalf that you should go away" pointing out that RantWoman as lifelong fat four-eyed nerd has lots of practice not going away just because others make it abundantly clear they wish she would. This item also brought one of RantWoman's thudding "Be true to your Light / care for that of God within you" leadings.

--RantWoman made a big fat chicken-clucking reasonable accommodations request early in her tenure on said committee. At this point after experimentation unformatted, it's clear everyone just needs to start with more basics. Sigh. More blog posts due.


The following is tirade, slightly redacted from email about how things got to Business Meeting:

RantWoman basically got told in May resign NOW and here you can have some
cnice pastoral care. That does not look like shared discernment or meaningful effort to engage in what said committee has learned already.

RantWoman learned that the 4 members of the committee threatening to quit unless RantWoman departs HAVE NOT EVEN seasoned things IN COMMITTEE That does not look like discernment and they do not even want to engage in committee when RantWoman was considering what to offer about HER OWN TIME.

RantWoman gets email back from two committee members. Points from the reply email have been distilled here.

RantWoman meets with one committee member. This committee member gets credit for taking initiative. This committee member has been staying up until 4 am fretting about RantWoman but has not been able to figure out how to talk to RantWoman. Likewise.

RantWoman meets with all of Nominating Committee. All of Nominating Committee wants to season the question "Why won't RantWoman resign." Everything to do with the rest of the committee or RantWoman's accessibility issues are decreed off-topic. RantWoman explains discernment about comparison with her other committee experiencess and what is she called to do. RantWoman repeats her point from her original email. RantWoman is not clear to resign; she also is not clear not to.

In response to complaints from several quarters about RantWoman getting off topic, RantWoman asks the Friends from Nominating Committee to identify moments in conversation when she is getting off topic. Two of the three moments called out come up for RantWoman as "Are we seasoning the Right Question?" This probably confirms another complaint about RantWoman not letting things go, but RantWoman is seasoning another whole post about Quakerism 101 and these themes.

RantWoman realized that running projects among low income people, people with disabilities and other vulnerable adults issuess is ONE reason besides life experience that she sees and hears things people, for instance other people on said committee do not hear.

RantWoman can cite a whole list of other ways she felt silenced and when she tries to interact NOW, RantWoman hears "Let's keep barreling forward on the path we chose" and Put RantWoman's Concerns Off Until It's More Convenient Friends #n, n+1, N+2....

RantWoman told Nominating Committee several times several ways that knowing what roster they meant to propose would aid her discernment. Finally on Saturday night before Business Meeting, RantWoman just sent the Clerk and the Clerk of Nominating Committee a "cut the crap" email. RantWoman was instantly clear that she needed to speak when she saw no new names.

The next morning RantWoman had conversation with one Friend who might be expect to help about the nice pastoral care. This Friend is more concerned about having no committee than about how is the spirit moving among us or whether someone is being marginalized. That does not look like discernment.

RantWoman slammed into more points that need to be discussed with other members of a certain committee ahead of any hearing in Business Meeting. RantWoman tried to articulate some big community-value issues in Business Meeting; at this point RantWoman is just going to have to carry her concerns as every opportunity presents itself.

RantWoman slammed from several directions into people, people who have done very little talking TO RantWoman, complaining of all the time spent talking ABOUT RantWoman.

RantWoman is meditating about posting some of what she thinks she articulated in Business Meeting; RantWoman is aware that a better idea might be to see what comes through in approved minutes. Who said anything about RantWoman being exactly patient with process?

RantWoman is finding herself called to extend to younger members of Nominating Committee the same forebearance she sometimes extends to novice bus drivers or the medical residents who provide RantWoman's primary health care. RantWoman likes her medical residents' enthusiasm and engagement about current trends. RantWoman also finds it embarrassingly easy to shock these much younger practitioners with observations about what RantWoman's older body is doing. In Quaker terms, RantWoman is VERY grateful for continuing revelation, for the sense that her elders are still grappling with Big Questions, still wrestling with Life Issues and movements of Spirit. RantWoman has no problem calling out these points in this situation but she wonders whether, for comparatively young members of Nominating Committee, observing this in action is either inspiring or disconcerting or both.

Conversations after Business Meeting are no less, um, stimulating.

"RantWoman, I hope you are getting some support."

Support?

Dear Elderly Friend not particularly on RantWoman's list to season issues with because of past judgmental pronouncements, chewed RantWoman out for 45 minutes for not talking to her.

Inveterate Gardener Friend told RantWoman to get a grip. She did so in the centered way she is good at and thus instantly landed on RantWoman's list of people to TRY to season further.


For better or worse, at this point, RantWoman is, quoting another blogger, floating free in Grace. RantWoman could have gotten there without all the noise, but this is RantWoman here. RantWoman is not good at staying untethered very long. Hold her and her Meeting n the Light