Nodding and Grunting

RantWoman has been called to reflect for various reasons on her experience of and others' experience of RantWoman in meetings. RantWoman feels deeply a single standard of truth about good meetings either among Friends or otherwise. Then there is a single standard of RantWoman.

RantWoman goes to several meetings every month including a certain committee and two civic bodies and a couple others. RantWoman does not at this moment particularly apologize to readers that reflections on RantWoman's experiences are likely to wander back and forth across multiple blogs. All of the non-Quaker meetings are more diverse on multiple grounds than RantWoman's certain committee. Supposedly, RantWoman was invited to join a certain committee because of her aura of diversity. RantWoman unquestionably is revered on her civic committees also for enhancing diversity, apparently more so than a certain committee.

Really Good Questions Friend has been heard to assert that the famous Seattle Process is about to turn the whole region into Quaker meeting. RantWoman is unsure she can go quite that far, but did get some really awesome material on consensus decisionmaking in connection with service on the Transit Advisory Commission.

RantWoman also continues to hear people swoon in admiration about people representing VERY diverse stakeholders in regional transit policy coming to consensus as part of the Regional Transit Task Force. One of these days RantWoman thinks she should pry herself out of some soap opera and just go read the report--if only so she knows whatever devil in the details she hopes to stay on top of as all the stakeholders go back and try to implment what they came to consensus about. RantWoman thinks if she so much as breathes a word about this fascinating and crucial process around a certain committee, this will be regarded as just TOO MUCH and RantWoman will again be excoriated for overwhelming nerd presence.

RantWoman's civic committees all also do basic amenities in ways that make RantWoman swoon. There are conventions about saying names so everyone knows who is talking. The facilitators know there are blind people in the room and are very gracious when someone just jumps in without managing to make eye contact and be recognized. RantWoman almost always gets agendas and needed documents sufficiently in advance that she has time to prepare. RantWoman has designated contacts who very generously receive whatever churns up in the RantWoman brain between the bus ride home and the next day or two after the meetings. RantWoman can tell further that her mental churnings are followed up appropriately and fed as expected into larger work processes.

One of RantWoman's pet peeves about a certain committee was getting stuff by email AFTER the meeting and then having to figure out what to do with it until the next meeting.

RantWoman admits she has been challenged around other points at a certain committee about other aspects of sel-advocacy and managing her own reactions to the world. RantWoman means to do the best she can to get a handle on the worst of these; RantWoman is also not even apologizing for instance about points of view such as

--You like to talk; I need to send email. How are we going to figure out working together?

--So what if you think RantWoman does not know when to quit and you are tired of RantWoman from working on Quarterly Meeting planning together too. Haven't you ever heard of the concept "carrying a concern? RantWoman is acutely aware of the need to keep reminding people of certain of her basic realities. Rantwoman is not even thinking of going near concepts such as "ally work."

--RantWoman is delighted to accommodated everyone's schedule hiccups. RantWoman also demands respect for the time RantWoman has to spend on the bus, the extra time it takes RantWoman to prepare, and sundry other hassles.

--RantWoman complains all the time about bus drivers nodding and grunting when she asks them a question. One problem with a certain committee is that everyone is Quakers. They don't even grunt when they are all uniting in some decision that steamrolls over RantWoman's needs. RantWoman has been thinking about this in connection with the flow of discussions or non-discussions on a certain committee.

RantWoman has a time or two felt really squelched and trapped in committee meetings just because, RantWoman assumes, everyone has just nodded agreement. RantWoman wonders whether it would be way too much to ask for some kind of verbal cue. RantWoman had not thought to request this when she first joined the committee, but the year's trials summon the thought very clearly.

--At the same time, RantWoman is reflecting on a request RantWoman actually made when she joined a certain committee. RantWoman's request: RantWoman finds the meltdown in her ability to react to everyone's facial expressions and other nonverbal cues one of the hardest things to deal with about the midlife vision meltdown. RantWoman asked people to let her know verbally when she screws up or offends people. To say the least this has not been happening.

One of RantWoman's committee mates pointed out that for other people interrupting verbally is considered rude. RantWoman is seasoning another whole blog post about why interrupting is both sometimes Quakerly and a reality in lots of parts of RantWoman's life.

RantWoman also frequently tells people sitting next to her that it is fine to tap her on the arm if it seems that RantWoman is transgressing some bound of taste or courtesy. RantWoman is PRETTY sure she made that specific point and request when she joined a certain committee but RantWoman has not been monitoring. RantWoman has no one tapping her on the arm.

RantWoman has been hearing things once in awhile that sound like "shut up" about topics where RantWoman thinks "shut up" is inappropriate and in fact considerably more sensitivity and interpersonal awareness IS appropriate.

RantWoman's mind-reading is non-existant. In recent weeks RantWoman has been listening to person after person complain about all the time spent tlaking ABOUT RantWoman, making assumptions about what RantWoman and not actually talking TO RantWoman. RantWoman keeps asking "why didn't you say something?" and not getting anything back let alone anything helpful. RantWoman has a time or two actually heard comments in committee meetings but this is only one of several circumstances that the RantWoman brain is peculiarly processing only as "shut up."

--Last year's experience on a certain committee is by far the most difficult of any of RantWoman' current meetng vocabulary. RantWoman is shaking about the scathing terms that have now come up twice. Scathing terms that occur more than once are certainly a call to RantWoman to try to get a grip, but RantWoman has had to decide that she cannot deal with all the scathing terms herself and RantWoman's first job is just to get down the meeting while blind part.

However, RantWoman has also come up with enough different experience moments that she needs just to catalog them for awhile and see where they lead.