How fares the Truth with Thee: Ableism

The word of the year at RantWoman's Meeting is Integrity. RantWoman, being RantWoman already foresees a bumpy go of it. RantWoman is grateful for blog entries about the integrity of taking up the space one needs; still RantWoman would not in the least mind being wrong or being delivered divinly down smoother paths than she sees, RantWoman, in the name of Truth is starting where she's at:

wherein RantWoman walks all over hard conversations about ableism, processes more of her fixations related to a certain problematic mentor figure, and, should she call attention to the subject, poses challenges others have not even detected about the line between personal presence in a conversation occuring across miles and modes of interaction and responsible participation in processes that involve shared discernment and are supposed to involve some degree of confidentiality--and all this before midafternoon tea. RantWoman wishes to be very clear: the views here are her own and RantWoman can make no promises about whether anything different may come out of shared discernment. Given the differences in timeline, geographical and thematic span between live meetings and the internet, RantWoman does not even promise that some of these points will imediately register in certain parts of the conversation, possibly still another problem.

RantWoman first notes that she thinks the two posts below both refer to the same interest group at a recent NPYM Annual Session.
http://aquakerwitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/difference-and-discrimination-part-i.html

http://rantwomanrsof.blogspot.com/2010/08/god-are-you-out-of-your-mind.html

RantWoman remembers Friend With A particular Ministry's ADA problem, but until today when RantWoman read this Friend's blog post, it had not even dawned on RantWoman that finding a way to avoid vile dry erase markers or to move the Interest Group to a space not reeking of new carpet chemicals would be one more responsive way to address the ADA issue. RantWoman has enough trouble articulating her own needs in different situations that she can summon a measure of sympathy for Friend With... Ministry's inability toformulate that exact request at the time. Also RantWoman feels no inclination to apologize on behalf of everyone else who did not think of that solution either. Perhaps RantWoman can at least file the thought that Friends who raise such concerns can be asked what might help, something else which did not occur, though at least no obviously untenable or irrelevant alternatives to staying were proposed either.

RantWoman mentions irrelevant, hopelessly well-meant but clueless alternatives because of once at a public event being asked THREE TIMES whether she wanted to move closer to a screen to appreciate Powerpoint. RantWoman has a long and tumultuous, moderately dysfunctional relationship with Powerpoint anyway. In that situation RantWoman was stayed from full public vituperation by other considerations. The Powerpoint wound up not getting projected anyway and RantWoman once more demurred about any need to inspect things up close. Now RantWoman is trying to get someone's attention about the topic and trying NOT to line it up with TOO many other parts of patterns, or at least trying to have a conversation about one thing at a time.

But RantWoman digresses. The opening go-around at this Interest Group identified a number of conflicts in Friends' different Meetings. One point that struck RantWoman was that over the course of the workshop several of those present mentioned conflicts that could in some way or another boil down to ableism or how respectfully to relate to people with differing abilities, To be clear this is not merely appreciation of different gifts; this is situations that challenge even very, very centered Friends desiring to discern that of God in some or another situation.

Time ran out without opportunities to explore the point in any depth but it definitely stuck out to RantWoman. RantWoman regretably did not have a chance to follow up about her impressions with anyone present. Other themes arose as well as one might expect at a workshop about helping Friends talk more easily of conflicts among ourselves.

The previous RantWoman blog item addresses part of RantWoman's experience including RantWoman's perspective on her own issues, an area where RantWoman has no problem thinking exhorint herself about "room for improvement" and "roll with it," along with some generalized and still inchoate ranting about a desire to have more Quaker reading materials in formats accessible to RantWoman and a lack of enthusiasm for having to dig up the HOW of bringing that about herself. A couple more points specifically from the Interest Group stick out in RantWoman's mind.

First, at one point Problematic Mentor Figure made a comment in passing as part of a go-around calling out something about conflicts. The comment was about sexism sometimes being a factor in conflicts. MAYBE RantWoman is being oversensitive, but the way it was delivered came across to RantWoman not as an invitation to candid discussion but as a way of paying lip service and otherwise blowing off any further discussion of the topic.

To say the least, RantWoman finds this brush-off kind of problematic and, with an eye toward opportunities for different senses in the future, RantWoman is seasoning how first to get Problematic Mentor Figure's attention about the issue and second what might be done to make more space and openness for conversations that sometimes need to happen. Perversely, though RantWoman is hypersensitive about the topic, RantWoman is also unclear whether this exact concern registered with any of the other participants in the Interest Group. This point is important: it's not like RantWoman has NO expectations about further occasions to call out the issue. Rather, RantWoman's life is so overendowed with reasons to be outraged and opinionated that much just has to wait in line, the way an overabundance of messages during Meeting for Worship also gets filtered and tested and prioritized with RantWoman open to the possibility that shared discernment may go different directions in a given moment than what is urgently exercising RantWoman.

RantWoman may be seasoning ways to keep openings to talk about sexism for awhile because conversations with Problematic Mentor figure already got stuck for now on something else mentioned in RantWoman's previous blog post. Interestingly, at least some of the time Problematic Mentor Figure can admit that an interest in conflict resolution does not automatically mean that conflict resolution is always necessarily easy for him either.

As long as conversations are already stuck anyway, RantWoman has the following further comments: Problematic Mentor Figure is not the only person in RantWoman's experience who makes mistakes related to ableism and RantWoman is seasoning ways to have more discussions in community terms rather than necessarily singling out a specific individual. RantWoman also has a rich life beyond her Meeting and is amused to note many opportunities in these spheres to be vexed in presentations by "this one here and that one there." RantWoman would not mind in the least not having to accumulate so many spectacular holy and unholy examples of this mode of vexation.

(Presentation modes aside, RantWoman is also close to formulating the view that Problematic Mentor Figure could HIMSELF benefit from having an elder or two and / or a support and accountability committee to nurture his work. RantWoman is prepared for grumbles to the effect that she has a lot of dang nerve to be wanting to get in Problematic Mentor Figure's face about this, but tough! RantWoman thinks she may not only get in Problematic Mentor Figure's face but, horror of horrors, suggest that the term "elder" might be highly compatible with someone younger chronologically. Stay tuned.)

As long as RantWoman is trying to get Problematic Mentor Figure's attention anyway, RantWoman is going to TRY to talk to him about his practice of writing on boards in small letters. RantWoman of course is supposed to be exempt from any expectations that she will be able to read the board but RantWoman noticed enough about this to suspect that others in the room would also have trouble reading the board. Plus, RantWoman is so sensitized about the topic that she writes on whiteboards and chalk boards and flip charts in the largest preposterously large letters she can manage. That is RantWoman's experience though of course that does not imply that this must also be Problematic Mentor Figure's experience. RantWoman, when she manages to be fair or further to muddle matters also notes that depending on one's vision loss issues, bigger is not necessarily better, for instance if one has normal acuity but big holes in one's visual field. Siggggh. As noted in RantWoman's post cited above, RantWoman herself would be happy with slightly different explanatory notes in the oral presentation about the content of the white board, another theme she gets lots of practice articulating. Siggggh.

At the moment RantWoman finds herself simply having to breathe with another point: the practicalities of dealing with all our differing abilities are at least as complex as our theological diversity. Or, to paraphrase another Friend from RantWoman's meeting about "do unto others as you would have them do unto you," But what if I don't WANT the same things as you do?" Ask me what I like or what would help!

RantWoman: "I do not see well, so if I don't recognize you please don't take it personally. I am interested in getting to know you..."

RantWoman herself generally appreciates more personal space than average in group circles and hugs. RantWoman was next to someone in a circle this summer who, RantWoman realized, despite being considerably smaller than RantWoman would probably like at least as much personal space in the circle as RantWoman can take up. Recently RantWoman has heard a number of Friends express pain about musculoskeletal issues alongside FIRM requests not to hug without warning or to grab arms or hands.

"RantWoman, please do not be offended if my hearing loss means I need to move to avoid the audio distraction of your noise taking notes in Braille."

"Sure, please, RantWoman does not mind in the least exchanging opinions about your eyeglasses options. RantWoman is happy actually to know something about the issues behind your concerns and is not bothered in the least that your concerns are, at this point, irrelevant specifically to her. RantWoman finds she not only can but frequently must be quite self-centered about articulating her own concerns; RantWoman recommends that all around her really take advantage of those moments when RantWoman manages to be more broad-minded."


An old item on ableism just to recycle