Don't Ask Don't Tell Valentine

What on earth is a a cranky same-sex marriage supporting pacifist opposed to mayhem everywhere supposed to make of the proposal to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell? Do it, NOW. Just don't ask RantWoman to endorse the wars the troops will keep getting sent off to.



RantWoman has a gay friend, by now RantWoman thinks Colonel A, who has served in the military for over two decades. RantWoman first met the future Col. A under a female pseudonym in correspondence with a fellow student on a study abroad program. Half the students on the program were pining away for correspondence from home, and a friend of RantWoman's was getting a steady stream of letters, much to the envy of others. Then one night drinking and a game of Truth or Dare occurred and numbers of stories came out, as it were. These included the gender of the friend's correspondent, the fact that both the male and female designated student spokespeople were attuned to our program directors' religiously based discomfort, nay unto hostility toward anything to do with homosexuality, and numbers of soap operas within our group.

All that was decades ago. Over the interval, RantWoman has learned of Col. A's pride in his family's military service. His father fought with US troops in the South Pacific and two of Col. A's 5 siblings have also served. RantWoman greatly appreciates Col. A's genial capacity to interact with almost everyone, his pride in his heritage, his love for all his nieces and nephews, his big heart, and his fascination with the more baroque end of Catholic iconography.

The original relationship where Col. A masqueraded on envelopes as a woman is now painful sad history. Col. A now has a very sweet kind partner. Col. A has a medical specialty so with the current stop loss regime, he is likely to be in the reserves until he's 90 or something. Colonel A has served most of his career at the same base where Greta Cammermeyer formerly served. Based on the number of gay guys with the same specialty who have appeared in social clumps with Col. A over the time RantWoman has known him, RantWoman thinks people at this base must be either blase or willfully clueless, and RantWoman is not even going to go look up any topical statistics about discharge rates.



Last year, Col. A got called up, ordered to leave his practice and put his local life on hold, like thousands of other troops. When he demurred about domestic service, the threat of getting sent to Iraq caused him to reconsider swiftly and Col. A spent 3 months practicing his specialty in a distant state.

The military abounds with pomp and circumstance. RantWoman has been watching the productions local TV stations make of deployment ceremonies for years: many people in desert camouflage. Much tromping around carrying flags in formation, hugs, cheers from family left behind--except of course that Col. A does not get to hug his partner!

Instead, Col. A and his partner, both Catholic boys, invited RantWoman to a special flag ceremony at the "open and affirming" congregation" they sometimes attend. RantWoman was mortified to screw up the address in her head, have to look at her calendar, backtrack and miss the presentation of the colors. RantWoman was blessed though at the end of the service to watch the pastor hold a special blessing of Col. A's and his partner's relationship separate from the presentation of the colors. Afterward there was a potluck, complete with one of Col. A's favorite heritage dining options.

Col. A and his partner live in the same part of town as RantWoman so they offered a ride home. RantWoman was blessed to hear a sigh of agreement when she expressed the thought apparently on everyone's mind. The ceremony was a nice gesture. The people were nice enough. And the whole event felt a little too much like pep rally for God, a meme that works really well for some people but not for RantWoman. When Don't Ask, Don't Tell finally bites the dust, RantWoman so hopes Col. A will be able to hug his partner at ceremonies just like everyone else!