Playing with Fire

RantWoman means some way or another to get around to something that, at least in the RantWoman long leaps of intuition and free association world, vaguely, somehow relates to Brigid. RantWoman remains frighteningly ignorant of Brigid but is not feeling shy about meditations on fire, smithcraft, what to do with stronger Light, and somewhere in here lambing.

RantWoman's points of departure:

RantWoman thinks even in modernity molten metal is a mystical experience. RantWoman thinks it must have seemed positively miraculous in the days of first harnessing fire with metal.

Light most definitely is returning to Seattle, but who/whatever is in charge of light conditions on Sunday mornings seems not to have gotten the memo. God is excelling at clouds, fog, blur, and GLARE. In other words, Sudoku weather.

Recently RantWoman was called to offer vocal ministry about causing consternation doing Sudoku in Meeting for Worship. Vocal ministry consisted mainly of Worse Auntie's views including "be glad you can see across the room to be bothered," "be glad if RantWoman doing Sudoku is the worst problem in your life," "what are those feelings trying to teach YOU?" and "do what your parents ask. It's parents' JOB to teach kids to do what is right in spite of what others around you are doing. But today RantWoman REALLY needs Sudoku." RantWoman was delighted when a Friend asked her afterward how RantWoman finds God in Sudoku.

Sunday, RantWoman was thinking about molten metal and not feeling called to add The State of the Union during Adult Ed. Instead, RantWoman went to her Meeting's library, found the print edition of Friends Journal and scraped her eyeballs across approximately 5 pages include articles by Stasa Morgan Appel, Micah Bales, and Noah Baker Merrill. RantWoman's head craved more; RantWoman's eyeballs were beyond screaming "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"

RantWoman notes with modest appreciation that both Friends Journal and Friends Bulletin now offer electronic subscriptions. RantWoman has screamed through sample issues of both. RantWoman would not mind if the pdf's included headings so RantWoman could easily skip around instead of using her search bar. Whine. RantWoman hereby urges editors to work on this as they have time.

In the meantime, RantWoman is really, really grateful for people younger than her who get the issue of electronic text enough to offer a first effort. RantWoman pointedly contrasts that with some topics that are still noodling and oodling around in MONTHS of apologetic mumbling and process muddle. Ahhh, but RantWoman was unaware her soul needed more spiritual purification immersed in That of God in...

The bigger problem in the world of publishing economics: RantWoman's Meeting has a library. RantWoman would usually on both ecological and thrift grounds just go read at the library. RantWoman does not have funds to get her own electronic subscription and is meditating about questions she should just direct to her Meeting and these publications....

Finally, to readers who have made it this far and are wondering why the heck RantWoman couldn't skip the lead-in and go straight to the poetry, COPE. Life is not a destination; it's a journey. Why would RantWoman deprive you of part of the trip? What do you think this is, the airlines?

Enjoy!

Our God of the bus
That of God in everyone
Sometimes too much God.

January Light
God showing up however
Sudoku weather

January Light
Sudoku weather again
try texting haiku

January Light
Sudoku weather again
try haiku in braille

January Light
Sudoku weather again
Braille stylus broken

Worship together
having holy communion
one voice at a time

War, Peace, Meeting History

Today in worship Friends were full of remembrances generated by a historically themed adult discussion hour. RantWoman felt vexed not to have had more detailed advance notice of who the featured speaker was, but the brutal reality is that getting to 9:30 discussion hour is darned difficult for RantWoman no matter what.

RantWoman, for her part, was worshipfully seasoning thoughts of what level of cantankerousness is needed for this generation, whether and how to join the cantankerous pantheon of difficult and challenging personalities who founded our Meeting and wove a community out of many clashes and collisions of character. The message thread eventually turned to more outward-oriented customary Quaker meditations on war and peace, but not without a RantWoman mental excursion related to sudoku.

It was cloudy and there was a lot of glare, so RantWoman was definitely feeling proddings in the direction of sudoku or at least messages about sudoku. The latest thought exercising RantWoman is that she has been doing sudoku sometimes in Meeting for Worship for probably close to a year at least. No one said anything--until RantWoman got nominated for a certain committee.

RantWoman remembers a certain uptick in her sudoku habit after an eye procedure basically did what it was intended to do but also added and enhanced some of the annoying visual effects RantWoman deals with all the time. Okay, so enhanced light trails and even bumpier double-vision are not necessarily the first thing it occurs to one to share when someone asks "how are you?" RantWoman can certainly also articulate reasons sudoku helps her center, but RantWoman is meditating about options for more verbal communication.

RantWoman today also found herself wondering how many others around her have things on their minds that they do not know how to share. RantWoman finds herself ambivalent about even wanting to know. A few weeks ago, a Friend offered a message about someone she knew who, when faced with expenses for an upcoming trip decided to double her contribution to her faith community and then never wound up worrying about money on her trip. RantWoman wishes that were feasible for her on the financial front, but RantWoman realized doubling her outlay of compassion MIGHT be achievable, at least part of the time. RantWoman is pretty sure that would not suffice for everyone around her, but she darn well supposes others could do their part too....

By this time, the last message was pointing out that the state of WA contributes 10 times the projected state budget deficit to certain war efforts. That is, programs that aid the most humble of people in the US are being gutted to buy bombs for... Well, you get the idea, and RantWoman is already trying not to gallop any further ahead of her Light. In a similar vein, warning: the following item is chock full of frank and unQuakerly language, but then that would be exactly the sort of material that RantWoman would rabidly recommend
http://susiebright.blogs.com/susie_brights_journal_/2009/11/mad-men-ft-hood-and-the-stupak-amendment.html

Sudoku Compost

At this point, RantWoman is well-known for doing Sudoku.

In view of RantWoman's compost thread, she is hereby reposting one post about Sudoku. Dear Friend is one of the people flummoxed by RantWoman's sudoku practice and this again would be a place RantWoman has not felt heard by Dear Friend though she certainly has felt heard by others.

At one point Dear Friend disdainfully claimed to have moved past sudoku in such a way as to make clear he had not. RantWoman supposes she could email him the link to the entry below particularly because of some eldering at the bottom. RantWoman also supposes Dear Friend has the link to her blog and can darn well get here if he wants to--and has time on his library computer use schedule.

http://rantwomanrsof.blogspot.com/2009/05/custody-of-eyes.html

Info geek comments:

--RantWoman noticed that several weeks after her post, another blogger posted a link to the original blog entry and mentioned a lot of comments not in favor of her practice. RantWoman notes this as an interesting example of seasoning things on the interwebs. RantWoman is also modest about whether or not she will actually get any of the comments read, at least right away. Perhaps they will amuse others and in any case they are now collected for future reference if led.

--Friends who want to read more specifically about sudoku or any of the other terms RantWoman uses regularly can type them into the search bar at the top of the blog page and see what comes up. RantWoman's tagging is a little idiosyncratic, but clicking on the tags will also hit a list of entries more or less on common themes in RantWoman's mind.

--RantWoman admits she herself is a big geek and that computer entertainment is a lot cheaper and more accessible on multiple grounds than other kinds of entertainment and interaction. RantWoman knows that for many others this is not true and some of the time is particularly tender about this point in relation to Dear Friend. Okay, some of the time RantWoman is tender. Some of the time she thinks that's tough and bloggery serves purposes of its own but that still does not solve other communications problems. RantWoman and Dear Friend recently exchanged emails about missing each other's point. At least we exchanged emails.

Sudoku and

RantWoman has a bitchin' hard sudoku book right now. RantWoman does Sudoku in the kind of fat pen she can see and RantWoman has been messing up too many of her puzzles even when she is paying full attention. When RantWoman is not paying full attention, one of RantWoman's biggest errors, or the biggest one she recognizes, seems to be bad eye-hand coordination, writing the number in a box other than the one she intends, possibly due to multiple vision, possibly due to inattention. (RantWoman also suspects that others much more quickly size up the rotations and inversions that are part of the puzzle than RantWoman does.)



RantWoman mentions this point just in case anyone gets the idea that finally having a number of different people talk and listen to her about Sudoku is the ONLY thing that settled all the nerves behind her Sudoku habit. Lately, RantWoman also sometimes just takes her glasses off. This does not solve all the problems the sudoku does but often enough seems to take enough edge off RantWoman's frenzy.



Today in the category of peculiar blessings, RantWoman also counts the kink in her bus schedule that forces her to leave home 15 minutes earilier than she would prefer: RantWoman now gets to try to get acquainted with but without running into both coffee drinkers from early worship and people from the discussion hour as well as other newcomers. Now if RantWoman can learn to schmooze her way out of a paper bag, and in a noisy environment to boot...



Okay now, between these experiences and goading caught along the way while RantWoman was looking for other material about speaking directly to people one has a concern with, RantWoman herself spoke to EyeRoller Friend. EyeRoller Friend laughed about RantWomans thoughts on the accessibility features of his, uh, problematic ministries and then conversation turned to a message from Friend Political activist.


Friend Political Activist had diverged from his most common themes and offered ministry that in RantWoman's estimation crystalizes the theology behind Friend Political Activist's usual ministries: we are all angels. RantWoman does not remember the exact formulation, but she was conversing with Eye Roller Friend about what it means to be an angel, direct relationship with and embodiment of the divine. Yeah, so we all embody the Divine. What the heck does that solve about our individual lives or about how to be divine together?

Here EyeRoller Friend rolled his eyes in the direction of Dear Friend. Let us first note here that RantWoman knows both from talking to EyeRoller Friend and from Dear Friend, that Dear Friend has been in frequent conversation with EyeRoller Friend. It is obvious to RantWoman from conversations on both sides that the message just has not taken and EyeRoller Friend at least is peeved about this. EyeRoller Friend's, um, ministries aside, RantWoman felt called to point out that merely embodying the Divine, not to mention rousing certainty that one is embodying the Divine correctly can be a tough row to hoe. It's not just all the personal upheavals needed to align oneself with some kind of understanding. It's also the slings and arrows of others who remain willfully oblivious or unenlightened as to the precise nature of one's divinity. RantWoman speaking only for herself is having more than enough trouble getting a handle on her own divinity and, possibly for obvious reasons, did not feel obliged to go on at TOO much length about the divinity of others such as Dear Friend!

Worse Auntie / Grow your own Lava Lamp

Warning: children who do not need more distractions from their paths of goodness and purity should click away quickly. Quaker children who do not have Santa Clause around anyway may continue reading as long as you also acceptRantWoman's prayers regarding your immortal soul and ask some trusted adults to help season the following.

RantWoman, for her part is thinking of that phrase "Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me." RantWoman is thinking if that's where to start, boy are we in trouble.

RantWoman's clearness committee recently asked her what would happen if RantWoman were more open around Meeting about things to do with vision loss. RantWoman found herself thinking, careful what you ask for.

RantWoman mostly has not filled her audience in on every weirdo visual effect that comes her way. One or two groupies ask in low-key ways for updates and RantWoman repeats the family mantra, "my eyes have not fallen out of my head yet." RantWoman has a time or two shared some or another nugget from all her optho frequent flyer experiences with someone who brought up something related in conversation. RantWoman also mentioned a popcorn meeting and the interaction of eyes and light.
http://rantwomanrsof.blogspot.com/2010/02/popcorn-factory-minority-report.html

RantWoman has the strong, unshakeable impression that even those increments are too much for many around her. RantWoman so far has not made her clearness committee or another topical committee sit with a whole bunch of messages coming RantWoman's way that sound to RantWoman's febrile sensibilities too much like "shut up" when RantWoman THINKS the speakers could do fine with "I don't know how to deal with what you just told me." But never mind; save that thought for a couple other different threads. Let's start with Bad Auntie .

Remember Bad Auntie the sudoku-obsessed would-be role model of proper comportment during Meeting for Worship. Here is more of the story:

Bad Auntie rides the bus to worship. The Sunday bus run features several clumps of people getting on and later decamping to various houses of worship. The effect is centering and inclusive in a much gentler way than the multicultural maelstrom aboard Metro the rest of the week. RantWoman likes the walk to the bus. She likes the sense of many different forms of worship in one vessel. She likes caffeine and a walk at the other end of the route. In short, RantWoman's routine IS preparing for worship even though it might as well be something from another planet to many.

Then there is sudoku. RantWoman is VERY glad to be able to see enough to do sudoku, provided the print is big enough and RantWoman can use fat pen. RantWoman likes hard puzzles and did not always finish her puzzles during her bus ride, so there is A LITTLE bit of addictive behavior involved in doing so for a few minutes at the beginning of worship while RantWoman settles in, centers, gets a handle on her ill-behaved eyeballs' efforts to shift focal length.

There is also another messy eyeball issue or RantWoman's eyeballs interacting with light conditions in our worship room. RantWoman's pupils do not dilate and constrict correctly or very fast in response to changes in light conditions to begin with. This means for instance that even though RantWoman is an optho frequent flyer, she gets to skip dilation some of the time simply because too many gallons of drops have to be poured in to have any effect.

The worship room at RantWoman's Meeting has one glass wall facing south with plenty of bright sunlight on good days. The other three walls have a row of small windows several feet above the floor all the way around the room. RantWoman most of the time feels so grateful to be among community that she does not even attend to the fact that there is NO place in the worship room where RantWoman can count on being visually comfortable. Bright sunlight has one set of issues; clouds and glare have a completely different set.

RantWoman tries glasses on, glasses off, sunglasses on, sunglasses off, large-brimmed hat on, large-brimmed hat off and various combinations of all of the above. Each takes RantWoman to different frontiers of fog and blur, possibly to slapstick effect. None of them take RantWoman measurably closer to being able to center. One thing that does REALLY help is focussing on something close, which sudoku does WONDERFULLY.

Apparently silently doing sudoku during Meeting for Worship for silent waiting on God greatly distresses many in RantWoman's Meeting. Various people, members of Worship and Ministry and otherwise eldered RantWoman about this. No one got the full dissertation here but They all went "Oh, we had no idea..." when RantWoman talked about both generalized eye stuff and centering preparation for Meeting for Worship. Some people were more categorical than others about wanting RantWoman to stop. RantWoman said thank you for your opinion. Then RantWoman got sent off to a clearness committee and learned of the issue of the child objecting to RantWoman's example written of earlier. RantWoman still thanks the child for speaking up. RantWoman still thinks it's parents' job to teach children what is right regardless of what others around one may be doing.

Tonight Bad Auntie is ba-a-a-a-ck, only now she's Worse Auntie. Worse Auntie is not only unrepentant, she could really fast get into elder with a snarl mode! Worse Auntie is wishing she had said "why does it bother you? Please tell me how this specifically impedes your ability to worship? In particular what is it about being present with other people's pain and difdficulties that you find challenging?"

RantWoman / Worse Auntie personally really cannot see well enough to be annoyed by all kinds of quiet behaviors in Meeting for Worship and Worse Auntie MIGHT be tempted to tell some to be glad someone else's quiet behavior is the worst problem they have in life. RantWoman might also say she is darned glad to be able to do sudoku.

RantWoman might even read people the riot act about the lighting in the Worship Room. There are a million different ways light conditions in the worship room can be uncomfortable between light conditions, things in RantWoman's eyes that do not work normally, and variables like hay fever and sleep. If RantWoman only went places that are visually easy to deal with she would have no life and Meeting for Worship is important. Unfortunately, not only is this a whole welter of oddball messages, RantWoman also gets to figure out how to deal with the "shut up / I don't know how to deal" part she is already far too well-acquainted with.

But hold that thought. Worse Auntie, among other things has some ideas about things she needs around her Meeting. RantWoman needs to communicate specifically with children and her clearness committee has been a great help about ways to get that started. RantWoman has ben gratified too by reaction to a generalized query departing from RantWoman's reflection: other adults also like some of what is on RantWoman's mind. Now that is being seasoned and RantWoman gets to think first of all about dealing with vision loss and talking about it to children.

Worse Auntie and sudoku matters keep showing up though, and keep showing up and keep showing up, and RantWoman is going to have to figure out and strive to articulate some more matters involving adults as well before she even wants to wade into talking to kids. Ai-yi-yi-yi.


Then there would be Conflict is a Gift of God Friend, Friend who is a walking encyclopedia about many topics but has trouble sharing space in conversation with some categories of people. RantWoman had been detecting this problem to really serious and stifling effect for months before certain conversations melted down. RantWoman STILL feels no leading to have attempted to play fairy godmother or to sugarcoat the problem. RantWoman notes that it took Conflict is a Gift of God Friend SEVERAL more months to absorb what seemed to RantWoman VERY direct simple statements pointing in that direction.

During the several months, Conflict is a Gift of God Friend more than once engaged RantWoman's physical safety radar REALLY hard in situations where RantWoman otherwise would very much have enjoyed certain exercise-related activities with said Friend. RantWoman keeps turning over this issue. NOTHING is shaking her clarity that she owes NO ONE, not said Friend, not the clerk of Oversight committee, not the Pope, any explanations for her rules. RantWoman does not even apologize for blunt emails connected with the circumstances even if the point was not crystal clear in the email.

Furthermore, RantWoman considers waiting around for MONTHS while someone else gets a message involving the laws of physics completely unreasonable in the specific context she has in mind. RantWoman does not need argument. RantWoman does not need to be told she is being ridiculous. RantWoman does not need ANYONE telling her what is or is not in her own head! Nor does RantWoman need anyone without exactly the right cred telling her how to get about with Ambassador Thwack the badly-behaved white cane.

RantWoman is pretty sure, despite having told said Friend multiple times of her concerns that he still has no clue about RantWoman's issues. Unfortunately he is not alone; RantWoman was explaining the issue to someone else recently. Conflict is a Gift of God Friend is one of a couple people in RantWoman's life who INSIST they should help RantWoman navigate the mean streets, impose their own agendas, INSIST they know more than RantWoman about what RantWoman needs and are completely incapable of listening. Misery does not love company and Worse Auntie could easily ship them both off for reeducation in Quakerism 101, the listening module.

The other night before the Barclay reading group plunged into our Barclay time machine and flirted with the concept of Barclay the Musical, others were checking in with Conflict is a Gift of God Friend. Conflict is a Gift of God Friend still has eye yuck which his doctors have decided involves edema and capillaries looming large in his visual field, "like the crack patterns of dried up mud." He also has annoying floaters, but apparently he has managed to avoid the Grow Your Own Lava Lamp effects RantWoman dances with on top of oddly functioning pupils, double-vision, fog and blur multiplied with bifocals. At least that would be the impression from RantWoman asking teasingly during the checkin.
RantWoman is meditating about her motivations in insisting on Taking up Space in a public conversation about her issues too. RantWoman is sorry someone else is having eye yuck. RantWoman is NOT sorry for taking up space in the same conversation. RantWoman feels like a very large 3-year-old about the topic. What's worse, Worse Auntie is who's on duty for adult supervision. Happy Christmas to all; Lord have mercy on us all.

Bad Auntie

RantWoman's sudoku thread has a new twist which can only be called Bad Auntie. Bad Auntie refers among other things to things that adults who do not have children of their own sometimes do intentionally or not to set less than preferable examples or to subvert some or another standard imposed by parents.

Bad Auntie has a relative, Sensible Auntie, a caring, conscientious adult who can support the difficult job of parenting while also reflecting examples slightly different from parents. The first Quaker RantWoman ever knew could certainly be called Sensible Auntie, at least in societies where any woman might be called an Auntie. Today's situation is definitely a Bad Auntie moment though.

RantWoman's nephew, sister, brother-in-law live right next to a big park where political marches sometimes start. One time RantWoman went to a march at that park. For some reason the number for the legal contact for the march was being announced over and over so RantWoman wrote it down in very large numbers in fat pen along her arm.

RantWoman was on her way to babysit Irrepressible Nephew and in fact was going to miss a good bit of the march due to babysitting duties. Alas, Bad Auntie the babysitter with the phone number written along her arm showed up just the very week when Irrepressible Nephew had been having lessons about not writing all over himself.

What do you know? Sister went out, Auntie was doing something on the computer and Nephew was watching television. (One downside of being Auntie is not getting much say about the television rules. Sigh.) Then the level of TV-related giggling dropped off suspiciously:

Auntie: What are you doing?

Nephew: Nothing!


Yeah, right. Auntie discovered that Nephew had gotten out a purple marker and had made himself a seriously purple arm so that BOTH Auntie and Irrepressible Nephew had to shift immediately to serious arm scrubbing practice.


RantWoman was reminded of this last nigh talking about how one of those concerned about her Sudoku habit was a child bristling at having to do what one's parents say regardless of what other kids or adults do in the child's presence. RantWoman had exactly that sort of parents herself. RantWoman thinks it might be way too much to talk much about the intentional reasons RantWoman can cite for Sudoku, but she is wondering whether it would be appropriate somehow sometime to talk to such a child herself.

RantWoman will season the following thoughts before taking more steps to talk with the child:

It's definitely appropriate for parents to say " do as we tell you, regardless of what other kids or adults do." As previously mentioned, RantWoman had such parents herself.

RantWoman has been thinking about having to be told several times by different people about Sudoku. RantWoman thinks she knows both children and adults who sometimes also have to be told more than once about a problem. RantWoman bets a child MIGHT relate to that and to the idea that we can always continue growing in Light or faith or whatever word falls into place.

When RantWoman is feeling most charitable she has come to feel a certain amount of gratitude to Dear Friend for getting in her face. RantWoman is also still sitting with aggravation, frustration, confusion, and RantWoman definitely does NOT waht to overdo it.

One of the things RantWoman likes about the best of how Friends inter
act with children in Friends' Meetings, though, is that adults do a better job of listening to children than in the churches RantWoman attended as a child. When RantWoman is feeling most gracious, she would say Thank you to the child, thank you for speaking up, thank you for exercising inner Light, thank you for getting grownups to talk about some hard stuff. RantWoman is not going to hurry into this, but...

The Cross before our eyes

RantWoman generally considers herself quite broadminded about questions of art, ministry through the arts, and participation in the arts as ways to draw people closer to God. Against this background, RantWoman sometimes surprises herself with the clarity and certainty of her visceral reactions to certain questions.

For example, once upon a time, RantWoman had an interview where the job description was going to involve munching and crunching data, something RantWoman has done a lot of and generally enjoys. However, on this occasion, RantWoman was to be munching and crunching data related to, drumroll please, text messaging and American Idol!

RantWoman has NEVER watched an entire episode, let alone a whole series. RantWoman is aware of the recent flap about Ryan and Adam. RantWoman could perhaps be amused by this flap, but this would involve interacting with something, blatant idolatry encrusted with commercialism, that RantWoman feels a total visceral need to avoid.

See, if the network is going to call it American Idol, no matter how ephemeral the whole concept is, RantWoman is going to take them at their words. Then for some reason RantWoman herself does not fully understand, RantWoman's anti-idolatry reflex is just going to kick in and clang, clang, clang, no, no, no just NOT for RantWoman. Fortunately for RantWoman's sense of herself, circumstances did not align even to force RantWoman to have to decline this job.

RantWoman found herself thinking of this story at last March's blogging workshop when someone read to RantWoman a passage from religious scholar Karen Anderson about keeping the cross before her eyes as part of her life in the convent. RantWoman does not even know where to begin about this topic. Once in awhile RantWoman turns over in her mind thoughts of contemplative life in a convent. RantWoman tends to turn the idea over once and put it back fast but not only because of the cross before one's eyes. Okay, it's not CALLED idolatry. Furthermore, RantWoman is aware that many faith traditions have colorful interactions with talismans of their faith. RantWoman knows dear people who are Russian Orthodox for whom kissing icons is really important to their expression of faith; when worshipping with these people, RantWoman tends just to greet the icons politely from a respectful distance. RantWoman has had tasteless and irreverant conversations about the Cross as seen in Catholic churches frozen with Christ's corpse and about lessons from Baptist Sunday School of protestant cross empty because of the Resurrection and Christ's presence among us.

Interestingly enough, when RantWoman heard of Karen Anderson's convent requirement, RantWoman immediately thought of...Sudoku! Not only does Sudoku help RantWoman contain her backflipping eyeballs, Sudoku has crosses all over the place, imbedded at every juncture of the matrix. Sometimes filling the squares as one solves the puzzle even brings new cross images to the fore! In short, Sudoku, among its other diverting features has crosses coming out its ears for those who need them.


Somewhere here, RantWoman decided to let the following blog entry pick up her mental excursion:

http://www.quakerquaker.org/profiles/blogs/living-in-the-cross

And for those of you addicted to American Idol, RantWoman is unlikely to minister about the topic in Meeting for Worship, but she may secretly be praying for your soul from the safety of her own dungeon.

Unholy meditations?

Warning: this post is basically free of explicit gore, but readers who want to bypass autopsies and gun violence may want to mouse over to some other offering.

RantWoman has mostly muddled past the need to do Sudoku in Meeting for Worship, although she is not above dipping in just to fry other Friends' nerves. More to the point, RantWoman also is mostly attending worship on Zoom with no time to get into Sudoku on the bus. RantWoman has found no electronic Sudoku that works without freezing up with her phone accessibility tools. More's the pity.

But wait. RantWoman has a NEW vice: RantWoman now attends Zoom worship on one device and, un-Quakerly drum roll pleas...,looks at Twitter / X on another.

Hush now. RantWoman will be too happy to go on about the still small voice in a small electronic box. RantWoman does not want to hear what a cesspool Elon's sandbox has become. RantWoman goes there willingly, does not engage with trolls, and gets a read on all kind of things RantWoman would much prefer people not think. Hold that in the Light.

Surprisingly to RantWoman, sometimes Twitter yields Light topical to some or another frequent theme in RantWoman's mental Yucky Topics festival.

This week's Bad Friend Yucky Topics festival started from a question a collaborator asked RantWoman that was partly what happens for an autopsy and what about informed consent?

Bad news when it's gun violence there is no informed consent. Hopefully there is "informed" but legally there is no choice about autopsy. Nor do autopsies always get done on the timeline preferred for Muslim burial practices, a topic where locally there is a weary sense of "we have been working on that for years. RantWoman has not been working on this topic. RantWoman just has a network of people she can call to stich together connections for people who ask RantWoman questions connected with the recent death of a 15-year-old. A gun was involved. Therefore an autopsy was required. The Twitterverse contains indications that the death was accidental but precise details were beyond what was needed in the autopsy conversation.

Last week in worship, RantWoman was holding all this in the Light--and swiping away on her phone. During Worship, the Twitter thread du jour was about clearing a gun, making sure it is unloaded before handing it to another person, and then even if one has just seen someone clear it, clearing it again. Apparently this is a common trust gesture among people well-schooled in gun safety.

RantWoman wouldn't have the foggiest idea how to clear a gun. RantWoman does not particularly want to (need to) know this BUT RantWoman's mind wandered in a surprising direction: would mandatory gun safety classes in high schools keep young people from doing stupid things with guns???

That to RantWoman seems like a FAR more desirable option than active shooter training.

These thoughts came along with the anniversary of the Sandy Hook mass shooting. RantWoman's YouTube ad stream alternates between all sorts of very discrete ways to concealed carry and Sandy Hook dad Mark Barden's please to sign a petition about banning assault rifles. The awkward celebration point: in recent ads Mark Barden looks a lot less distressed and more centered than previous rounds. What a thing to need to keep grieving about though.

And at least two more school shootings this week, along with another spectacular moment of gun violence RantWoman will try to tackle separately.

See where worship....

October 18 Disabilities Awareness Response

Dear God

RantWoman is sincerely grateful for evidence of Friends interacting with the fruits of this month's leading.

RantWoman still keeps showing up in the conversation.

Please have mercy on us all.

RantWoman


Oct 19
Dear RantWoman and others,

I commend this video to you all. I was aware of a lot of what it suggests, but there were other parts that were new. I had long ago learned that you should always ask any person with a disability if they would like help. However, I think the wording of "how can I help you" was especially good in the setting. Maybe we should be asking: May I help you - and if so, how?

The visuals on what different legally blind see was very helpful.

I was aware of the etiquette re seeing-eye dogs (and any service dog), but it was good to see.

All the parts about orientation and how to tell blind people where things were (using the clock image) was really useful.

The statistics on how many folks use white canes and service dogs were surprising to me. It was good to be reminded about the best way to offer guidance.

The examples of how to NOT help were good because they were overdone to make a point, but it was easy enough for me to picture myself making at least some of the errors!

Thanks RantWoman
Friend who for the moment gets to get by without a Nom De Blog



Dear Friend...

I am glad you liked the video and I appreciate your leading to encourage others to interact.

To be honest, I would be grateful to know others are led to interact and maybe led directly to interact even before they hear your bllessings. We are all ministers of God and some of this exercise really is about asking everyone to consider what you as individuals might be called to do.

I am not sure it's fair to apply the concept of gathered meeting from the blog link at the bottom to this particular approach to mass eldering, but the second link does have some further links to resources about eldering that look great. Still, I appreciate many people having the same information so I do not have to interact one on one eighty zillion times about each topic. That does not mean I do not want to interact at all.

I am glad you appreciated the visuals about different vision patterns. I hope you also interacted with the text below about all the wonky extra stuff that goes on for me personally. Excuse me for jumping up and down on the point, but I did not really quit doing sudoku during worship just because of everyone's brilliant eldering. I quit doing sudoku after a procedure involving one eye incrementally messed up both eyes enough that it was just enough more work to do sudoku not to have any benefit as far as centering but there is a whole bunch of stuff I really cannot control.

The information about orienting people and the clock method for food are pretty standard. Personally, usually by the time food is on my plate I can see where things are but frequently the contents of dishes at potlucks are a total mystery until I ask someone.

I agree. The numbers about who uses white canes or seeing eye dogs sounded surprising as numbers. However, if I count up people I know and what they do or do not do,I think the numbers are pretty representative. I also think some blind people are just maniacs and others do denial or do not want to deal with anything that marks them or marks a difficult truth. But you are welcome to ask in person about the blind people as maniacs question. It also occurs to me that I should ask one couple I know whether they realize their walking patterns frequently take them across freeway on- and off-ramps.

As for making mistakes, believe me, I do too.

In the Light
RantWoman


http://johanpdx.blogspot.com/2011/10/gathered-meeting.html


http://inwardlight.org/

Dear Friend Who Growls at RantWoman

Dear Readers,

RantWoman is not sure every bad idea that muddles through her head needs to be committed to electrons but RantWoman is seasoning....

RantWoman is pondering whether she has some kind of unusual gift. Besides ableism,  RantWoman seems to be particularly adept at evoking gaslighting, bullying and feeling blown off from members of Care and Council. RantWoman is pondering what would happen if she just said “look Friends, y’all are doing just a fabulous job of plowing into family landmines related to The Famous Sex Offender Announcement. What can you suggest???? Or is Care and Counsel ony for everyone but RantWoman?”

 

Luckily RantWoman has Resources, besides an awesome Mental Health Practitioner.

 

If all are lucky, RantWoman’s sarcasm filter WILL kick in, at least long enough to pen the following item addressed to a Weighty Friend.

 

A blast from the past for no obvious reason

Dear Friend who thought Growling at RantWoman would help,

 

Remember Sudoku? Remember you said you did not LIKE Sudoku? RantWoman is considering retroactively telling you to take that up with God. Time was, Sudoku in Meeting for Worship was a heaven-sent path away from weird headaches and toward adjustment to dramatically changed vision.

 

 

 

Dear Friend who thought Growling at RantWoman would help

Thank you for talking to Friend S about Worship and Ministry’s request that I not attend Business Meeting. A couple feedback items while I season various pieces. If anyone just need to stop here and hold in the Light, please do.

1.     I want to hold the issues of people who cannot be in the room with me, but “It’s about the community” one refrain I heard implies I do not care about the community. “We need time to heal” also annoys me because I do not get a choice about timeline and taking a break. I am not particularly motivated to deprive the community of the experience of figuring out this pray and worship together thing. Friend S says your thought is for people to figure out something helpful. Some of the time I want to bless that.  Some of the time I wonder how the heck are people going to figure out what works FOR ME without me in the room. For now I will add “Nothing about us without us” to my list of concepts to include in a list of terms and resources which I have heard a clear request for. Some of the time, I want to point out numerous points where thinking about more than one person yields approaches that provide everyone a sense of small things they can do that matter.

 

2.     Right now I am frustrated about a community piece because Madam Clerk wants people working on disability actually to meet before we come to Business Meeting. Based on communications so far I want to do things in different order and see whether I can convince someone besides the three people who volunteered that the project will be fun just based on business meeting. I did mean to schedule phone or email moment before this business meeting but that did not happen.

 

3.     I get there are issues of losing one’s temper, but for you or Friend S or anyone else with more or less normal vision to say “it’s not about the blindness” is ableist. I collect LOTS of articles about the roles vision plays in communication. I had a wonderful very helpful conversation one time with Friend J about her mother and macular degeneration and a whole bunch of annoying blind person behaviors which urk, I have enough vision to be annoyed by AND not enough vision to avoid myself. Talk about the bonus plan. Anyway my point: it’s not ONLY about the blindness sort of kind of unless one also figures that being triggered out of one’s mind is somehow separate from blindness too.

 

4.     Care and Accountability committee told me Madam Clerk asked me to sit down several times in December. Madam Clerk remembers me standing a lot and I DO feel like I had plenty of space to speak, too much if one counts losing my temper with Not an Idiot friend. I had COMPLETELY blacked out any request to sit down. You said something about I was too triggered AND needed to leave. I WAS triggered but that is exactly why it was unsafe for me to try to leave. I appreciate astute questions that came up in conversation with two wise young Friends about that topic. I meant it about not very safe for me and for anyone around me. However, I also automatically bristle at “someone gets triggered so they must leave,” which also has sorry precedent from life on Worship and Ministry. What the #$($@( kind of wimpy God are we talking about that cannot help with these rough spots?

 

5.     Except for Friend K talking about Nominating committee and not realizing I was talking about before he was on the committee and you talking about Dec vs November minutes. I could not tell you who said what about the minutes editing conversation. I do not know whether it is good or bad that I decided it has to be okay that a bunch of listening and info chunk bookkeeping I do most of the time completely shut down. I suppose it is okay to feel enough safety to live with that, except for continuing issues with silencing in minutes AND I get that it is very distressing for others to watch triggering. Some people who run meetings though are better at breathing and letting things settle than others. I decided I could not even pay attention to that partly because  Madam Clerk gets to deal and I also hit a fabulous “go talk to your counselor point which business meeting does not particularly get to solve until I distill the piece that belongs there as with my flashback in worship Sunday.

 

6.     I do not know whether it is obvious to Friend PK, but I get really badly triggered in C&A committee meetings sometimes. I can kind of articulate some things that happen because of it but the short version, to be repeated in multiple contexts would be “if you want RantWoman to get triggered less in Meetings then take her advice about how to cut down on the triggering. That is part of the impetus behind an accessibility focus committee AND I need space to articulate my thinking about that but not here for time reasons.

 

7.     Sunday the C&A committee were exactly at the same place as Nom Comm years ago was when they decided everything to do with disability was off topic. The only thing Nom Comm wanted to talk about was why won’t I resign. On top of your “it’s not about the blindness” thread, Sunday I made multiple attempts to talk about an email where I gave people opportunities to think about some what works what does not work points, In particular One item I sent was about physical accessibility issues getting to a really great event. I tweeted the organizer and she was great. She said I was not the only blind person who complained and then I am sorry that happened and we will try to do better in the future. That was EXACTLY the right thing. Some version of that apology would go a LONG way for me around Meeting, but I also am peculiarly stuck about needing to hear such in a speaker’s own words and I do not know what to do with that wish

 

8.     all anyone at the C&A meeting wanted to talk about was “will you stay away on Sunday.” I consider it great progress that by the end of the meeting at least some people were willing to think about a half and half scenario.

 

9.     I do feel like I need to think about someone I trust to sit next to me sometimes. Young Friend D mentioned having someone I trust sit next to me and she is one of the people I would ask to do that except she is only unevenly in business meeting. So I am trying to think about other names and not automatically clicking. But agreeing IN ADVANCE is important.

 

10.                        In C&A we also had to me annoying comments about minutes, comments which do not need Dial a tirade right now but as a multiple time recording clerk I kind of have strong opinions about. I do quaintly think minutes can help people see month to month if progress is occurring about things that might need more attention than one Friend’s record it for a hundred years standard.

 

Love and Blessings!

 

RantWoman

 

Custody of the Eyes

One of the themes left over from the blogging workshop at the March meeting of the FWCC Section on the Americas is one Friend's writing about how she practices "custody of the eyes" by which she means trying not to look up every time aFriend enters Meeting for Worship.

RantWoman could be predicted to bounce from custody of anything either to tirades about the prison industrial complex or to meditations on sundered spouses' disputes about the children they have in common.

But custody of the eyes in RantWoman's case has whole other dimensions. First, let us consider the, cough, highly entertaining natual state of RantWoman's eyes:

http://rantwoman.blogspot.com/2009/04/i-am-eyeball.html

The Reader's Digest version: RantWoman's eyes are an adventure in their own right. They have been so all of RantWoman's life, but approaching middle age and DNA lotto have added hitherto undreamed-of thrills and spills. Under the circumstances, "custody" of anything in the eyeball realm would be vanity.

RantWoman has a lifetime of experience recognizing people by their gait, shape, and a combination of features much cruder than facial characteristics. It would not even occur to RantWoman to suppress the reflexes such as they still are in the direction of recognizing people, not only because her eyes would never stand for it, but also because the sight of every person coming through the door is a fresh opportunity for prayerful appreciation, reflection, fondness or a raft of other emotions related to sharing our experiences of God within Meeting for Worship.

Here is the other part of RantWoman's problem with "custody of the eyes." It is at times physically painful for RantWoman to sit in the worship room. There are two issues here. One relates to the pointless, headache-inducing reflex of trying to focus despite the fact that RantWoman cannot, despite the fact that we added grey chairs to a grey room just to enhance the general level of visual fog. The other issue relates to light. RantWoman is happier in as much daylight as she can get. However, her pupils do not adjust normally to changed light conditions under the best circumstances and the high narrow band of windows in the worship room present a constant sharp distinction between bright and dark that is especially difficult. Strangely enough this problem is worse on cloudy days when the worship room is comparatively dark and the outdoor light especially full of glare.

Focusing on something close up such as Sudoku helps RantWoman settle into worship, prevents headaches, and generally improves her ability to participate as a worshipper. Sometimes this involves finishing a puzzle she has been working on on the bus. RantWoman considers many elements of bus experience part of worship: the exercise of walking to and from stops, the people RantWoman meets and talks to, the general Sunday crowd of people going to different houses of worship and sometimes other events more stressful and considerably more in need of worshipful energy.

RantWoman is clear that neither daily eye issues nor every element of life on the bus belong in meeting for worship in spoken form every Sunday. For one thing, RantWoman might find it alarmingly easy to channel slam poetry, some old-testament prophet or John Woolman. RantWoman is open, to a point, to information about others' worship experience and her impact on it. RantWoman is aware that other people knit, sew, read, warble tunelessly and probably do a whole bunch of other annoying things she blessedly cannot see during Meeting for Worship. RantWoman has learned that lots of what goes on in Meeting for Worship does not need her attention and yet it still feels important to make the effort every week to come and be part of corporate worship. RantWoman spends a lot of time in the rest of life filtering inputs and sometimes appreciate the skill when the experience extends to Meeting for Worship.

RantWoman has another blunter perspective: someone distressed by another person doing Sudoku needs to ask themselves whether someone else doing sudoku is the worst problem in their life. If the answer is no, they almost certainly should focus on their other problems; if the answer is yes, maybe they should say a prayer of gratitude that that is the biggest problem they have. Then they should return to step two and focus on things they can affect, either that or say a general prayer for all the needs and challenges of people on the bus and all the ways many of them trundle bravely on.

But perhaps the proper response, before unleashing full RantWoman rant mode would be "well, Friend, how does 'custody of the eyes' help you worship?"

Reformation and Chocolate Eyeballs

RantWoman must spare her readers the various excursions in her own spiritual life and the life of her Meeting that have summoned possibly unfinished or recycling Sudoku conversations back to RantWoman's consciousness. Perhaps there is somehow a shortage of scariness about despite the holiday and the midterm elections. Somewhere in here maybe there are some "let us see what love can do" moments, but there are also chocolate eyeballs, memorials in RantWoman's memorials tag to which she means at somepoint to add a ramble about mathematician Benoit Mandelbrot, and reverberations from Meeting for Worship.

Dear everyone in RantWoman's Meeting who cannot handle RantWoman's (QUIET) Sudoku in Meeting for Worship habit, How about instead I jot down notes in Braille?????? If anyone asks, for instance about the noise, RantWoman is likely to say DEAL WITH IT. RantWoman also promises not to poke out a rewrite of War and Peace during Meeting for Worship, but DEAL WITH IT! RantWoman has a whole lot of practice dealing with eyeball topics and for some reason she feels called sometimes to share the wealth. Deal with it!

(RantWoman's eyeballs regretably seem not to be up to Sudoku anyway right now but that is a different problem. Sigh.)

RantWoman found herself really glad her orange turtleneck was clean. It's the perfect thing to celebrate the collision of many occasions on the calendar: Samwain, which RantWoman knows of only vaguely, the Day of the Dead with a lot of gooey sugary skulls and skeletons, Halloween with its orgy of orange and black sugar, goblin children, and this year electoral scariness, and Reformation Sunday with screeds for All Saints Day visit to the church reliquary which RantWoman will feed somehow into Barclay-induced examination of early Quaker history.

RantWoman can probably think of some other worlds in collision besides a certain spell of political activism which always seems vivid to RantWoman in the fall but RantWoman's knowledge of history runs more toward works of classical music, who was paying whom to compose them and scientific discoveries than toward nuanced commentary about politics, economics, philosophical concepts.... Maybe it is sufficient also to say RantWoman's experience of the Divine is pretty insistent sense of divine presence, but lacking in some dimensions of depth. For instance, in the Rant Family household of RantWoman's childhood, what would pass for nuanced conflict resolution would be a circumstance, entirely external of course, like the very Catholic concertmistress in the symphony of RantWoman's youth consenting to perform the Reformation Symphony.

For now, RantWoman is going to leave to guesswork where she is headed with the above thoughts. Instead, with chocolate eyeballs on her mind from a little pouch of Halloween candy RantMom gave RantWoman, RantWoman is off to Meeting for Worship.

RantWoman admits to a serious bout of eye-rolling about one Friend's vision of disassembling the Meetinghouse plank by plank and building a path to Afghanistan to bring about peace. If funding for the bombs starts in the US, why do we have to go all the way to Afghanistan?

The next message somehow got from a Catholic childhood to eternal life and then there was radical reconciliation with some conflict resolution involving victim and perpetrator years after some horrible politically-motivated mass killing, the sort of occasion that is supposed, perhaps, to make one grateful for only high volume shrieking in election commercials.

Next a young man came to live with his grandmother and changed schools in the middle of the year. For his trouble he got bullied mercilessly until his grandmother admitted he might have to fight back. The next day the boy told the worst bully that they would have to fight, at his house after school, but first they would have to have milk and cookies. This message was from Seriously Weighty Friend, whom RantWoman completely loves with total affection and humility and reverence for his unending groundedness. Probably this Friend could talk about the phone book and something weighty would come out.

At this point, after all the words about vision and the rest, RantWoman was seasoning a clear message about things where reconciliation is not really the point like wonky eyeballs that cannot just be fixed. RantWoman was all about just embrace and eal with it and have some chocolate eyeballs for Halloween. Instead along came a message about two cases of breast cancer, one that was fatal and one gone two years after, about the whys of this being all about God. Breast Cancer Friend, the survivor typically offers messages at the end of the hour; RantWoman was still seasoning the chocolate eyeballs message when someone closed Meeting. RantWoman decided the breast cancer thoughts were not a terrible stand-in and that chocolate eyeballs would have to be private chocolate eyeballs or blogosphere chocolate eyeballs, at least for now.

Let's talk about STIMMING

A moment of lived experience with Autism and COVID vaccination.

Two stories: Autism and COVID vaccination

Links for two articles referenced in the reprinted newsletter article below.

Stimming 101 or How I learned to stop worrying and love the stim

The Dark of Stimming Self-injury and destructive habits

RantWoman experience points, including stuff RantWoman always gets to think about before she fully interacts with the content. RantWoman offers these essential realities of her life offered unapologetically. If these details make other Friends' as well as members of the famous Care and Accountability Committee eyes glaze over, RantWoman invites readers to skip to the next heading.

--The Home page The Artism Spectrum looks like it has a lot of useful information.

--The site behaves well with RantWoman's screen reader EXCEPT for the ads which just sound realy stupid when read through RantWoman's screen reader.

--Has RantWoman mentioned that, as with apps, every time RantWoman touches a website she gets to fret about possible gaps in accessibility?

The Newsletter article (reproduced with some typographical lacunae RantWoman may or may not manage to redact.)

Let’s talk about stimming!

Mackenzie Barton-Rowledge

“Stimming” is short for “self-stimulating.” Everyone stims to  some extent, whether that’s bouncing your leg when sitting, twirling your hair, biting your nails or clicking a pen’s button  more times than necessary.

Neurotypicals—that is, people with “typical” brains—are the definition for “normal” stimming, but the beauty of neurodiversity means that there are many people who stim  much more than the average neurotypical. Autism is the neurological set-up most commonly associated with stimming, but it’s not the only one. People all over the neurodiversity spectrum may use stimming to self-regulate, to focus or to express themselves (like, squealing with joy).

In response to the UFM disability survey, someone asked if we could learn about stimming. So I want to share this pair of articles that I really enjoyed:

Stimming 101, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Stim

The Dark Side of the Stim: Self-injury and Destructive Habits

Both are written by Kirsten Lindsmith, an autistic artist, writer, software  developer and autism advocate.of anxiety, of anything), is  something that everyone has felt at some time or another is something that everyone has felt at some time or another.

Autistics are easily overloaded, and simply need to release tension more frequently. When I stim, I often feel like an old fashioned boiler letting off pressure—sometimes in tiny bursts, sometimes in huge belches of steam. Sometimes stimming releases pressure—especially the  good kind of stimming. Sometimes a stim will help us focus to block out invasive and overwhelming sensory input, becoming an essential coping aide.

It’s a type of self-soothing, whether one needs to be soothed because something is just too cute or because that ambulance siren is just way too loud, the root cause is essentially the same.

In my opinion, the question shouldn’t be why autistic  people stim, it should be why do autistic people stim in such a specific way. Not every autistic stims, and not every autistic person shares all the typically autistic stims. I’m a finger waver, but I’m not often a hand flapper. I have a vast number of vocal stims, but I’m not usually a rocker or a bobber. I know hair-twirlers who rock back and forth.  I know knuckle-crackers and foot-tappers who don’t wave fingers or flap hands. Every autistic is as unique as her  own personal stimming lexicon.” (Emphasis and links in original)

In our society, disabled folks are often intentionally and explicitly separated from neurotypicals—special education is a prime example. One result of this segregation is that those of us who are (or who could pass as) neurotypical often have not  been exposed to the full spectrum of neurodiversity, including the many ways people self-regulate by stimming. Teasing and reprimands push people to repress “excessive” stims as much as we can, decreasing the natural diversity of ways of being that seem “normal” to society. So anything beyond neurotypical stimming may make people uncomfortable.

Usually ignorance and ableist prejudice is the problem, not the stim itself. While there are a handful of unhealthy stims, which Kirsten talks about in the second article, most stims are entirely  harmless. But stims can be alarming if you’re not used to them! If someone starts flapping their arms or moaning repetitively, you might wonder if they’re in crisis, on drugs or detached from reality. You might feel afraid, because if one  Kirsten describes stims as “essential self-calming behaviors.”

She says that one of the most common questions she gets is “why do autistic people stim?” Her answer: The build up of emotion, the need to release emotional or physical tension due to an overload (of cuteness, of type of “normal” behavior has been thrown out the window, who can predict what that person will do next? But stimming is a normal and healthy tool for many people. On the contrary, suppressing stims may lead to meltdowns or outbursts.

Being interpreted as threatening just for having a sensitive nervous system can have deadly consequences. Elijah McClain was Black, autistic and 23 years old when he was murdered by police after someone called 911 because he was “waving his arms,” a common stim. Leroy Moore, a disabled Black educator and advocate, estimates that approximately 70% of those killed by police are disabled.

It is long past time for neurotypicals to broaden our understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity. These two articles offer a starting point for understanding stimming—and some tricks to manage self-harm! I hope you will enjoy learning from them as much as I did.

RantWoman commentary:

--RantWoman thinks reading the voices of people with disabilities in their own words is really important and RantWoman does not want to discourage contributions to the newsletter. Here though, maybe RantWoman would have offered only limited quotes, would have let the links speak for themselves and maybe would have written a whole article about police shootings and people with disabilities. .

--RantWoman almost did not reprint the full article partly because RantWoman found the copyediting a little confusing. RantWoman will now stick to better copyediting of her own stuff.

--RantWoman does not know what to make of the word "enjoy." These articles are important and contain valuable details, details that definitely do not sound like fun to live with, but "enjoy" is not necessarily the first word RantWoman would use even to describe the read

Stimming and Quakerdom

1. RantWoman finds herself imagining earnest Quakers trying to speak of, say, stimming in Meeting for worship. The quakerese word for speaking of a concern about problematic behavior is "eldering." Some efforts at eldering go better than others. RantWoman can imagine a conversation going something like

Friend attempting to elder "WE don't stim / crochet / do sudoku in Meeting for worship."

Friend being eldered. "I have been listening to the NPR show 'Says You,' and you get 5 points for knowing what stimming is, but who is 'WE?' I know many people who find these and other activities very helpful in getting to a worshipful center."

(Readers curious about the subject of sudoku are invited to use the search bar on this blog. RantWoman's version of the above response might or might not include encyclopedic discussion of vision loss realities and perhaps further eldering such as "Friend, be glad you can see across the room to be bothered. And if RantWoman doing sudoku in Meeting for worship is the worst problem of your day, say a prayer of gratitude about that too!")

2.RantWoman finds the second article really helpful both in terms of an individual autistic person's issues and in terms of spiritual accompaniment for any parent, spouse or caregiver. RantWoman finds it helpful when a member of a specific community can say "this is too much" with love and tenderness.

3. RantWoman highly recommends Musings of a Quaker Witch for one thing because there are 4 really frank articles about disability highlighted in a box on the right hand side of the page.

RantWoman is curious, where will Friends be led next?

Popcorn kernels left over from Meeting for Worship

From Adult Religious Education
"(talking about institutionalized racism / mass incarceration)...might be triggering...so do what you need to take care of yourselves..."

SWOON! He knows what triggering is. Okay he's a social work student so one would kind of expect...."

Swoon AGAIN for thoughts that triggering might be understandable, not something too icky for anything but making the triggered person GO AWAY.

No, this acknowledgment did not make RantWoman's eyes itch any less. Nor did it resolve RantWoman's need either to stare at her phone or to do Sudoku just to keep the rest of her head present. But Sudoku or no, RantWoman was present enough to listen to many voices.

From Meeting for worship
"...judge not lest ye be judged..." from Recycled Message Friend only somehow more Germanic because of reference to Dietrich Bonhoffer

RantWoman thought bubbles
WTF? Did we suddenly repeal the 10 commandments?

Mandated reporter laws?

Common sense before things get to the point of needing the mandated reporter law?

RantWoman you know that Friend who says the phrase "fear not" or variants such as "Fear Not for I am with you" appear more than 300 times in the Bible. Go with it...

...love your neighbor as yourself...

...That means I have to love myself? Oh happy day?

...Do unto others as you would have them do unto you...?

RantWoman, recalls Quirky Friend now relocated due to magnetic grandchildren. Quirky Friend says "Why should I assume that someone else will like what I like?"

Vocal ministry about something to do with forgiveness?

more thought bubbles
Wait! How did we get from "Judge not" to Forgiveness?

and forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting in either one's mind or one's body.

more vocal ministry about community and feeling loved

and a whole pot of popcorn from the event after worship but that gets a separate post.

Elder at Large

Our Meeting has available some cards that say "Attention please, I am a Quaker. In the event of an emergency, please be quiet." A move or two ago, RantWoman had one of these cards on her refrigerator. Well, except RantWoman had turned it over and translated it out of Quakerese "Attention please. I am a practicing Quaker. (That means I am not very good at it.) In the event of an emergency please SHUT THE $*#$ UP!"

One of the big issues in the Compost-themed saga of RantWoman and Dear Friend is what is required of an elder. Another is the degree to which Dear Friend's certainties in this area are entirely in order processwise in the first place. This said, RantWoman is getting enough out of SOME parts of the conversation to continue the dialogue, at least long enough to figure out what most needs immediate further attention and what parts will for a large number of different reasons have to work themselves out over time with different combinations of people. RantWoman also has this profound sense that, bewildering as some of this seems to be for some members of our community, there is some value in working things out semi-publicly and trying also to be explicit about process as we go along.



Well, sometimes RantWoman has this sense. Sometimes RantWoman thinks it is the most cockamamie organizational development strategy in the history of the known universe, that RantWoman herself should just flee to other things demanding her time. More on this in a post about leadings.



RantWoman supposes it would at least be good for an elder to aspire more toward the Quakerese version of the statement above. That ain't the half of it. If you want links and thoughtful reasoning--as opposed to what seeps out of mental lint in process of framing events, keep wanting; RantWoman does and will put some systematic grappling on her agenda at some point. If you can handle actual experience, read on.



Item: at Sunday's Meeting for Business, RantWoman was strongly led to elder unnamed Friends in general: if Friends have issues with Dear Friend on their own account, feel free; they need feel absolutely no need to have issues with Dear Friend on RantWoman's behalf. RantWoman only obliquely said she thinks they all need to get their process acts in gear as well; RantWoman is trusting that point will emerge again and again and is holding that process in the Light, holding herself in the Light to speak and model reasonably.



Item: speaking of modeling, early in the process of considering RantWoman's nomination, RantWoman had several conversations about her Sudoku habit. RantWoman has written about that elsewhere. The gist of the point: People, including some RantWoman is pretty sure have served on the very committee at issue, do all kinds of things in Meeting for worship. RantWoman does Sudoku partly because her eyes hurt. RantWoman's eyes do not hurt in a way that much can be done about and RantWoman is so clear about her need to be in Meeting for Worship among people she loves that she comes regardless. However, much as RantWoman wants to create an environment that models and supports worship, RantWoman honestly does not think it is terrible jus to sit with RantWoman's or anyone else's pain as part of our total experience.



Item: Yesterday RantWoman found herself eldering a member of our Meeting who is about to assume a very important faraway role. RantWoman had thought of asking this Friend a couple questions, but connections had not happened over several days and this Friend expressed other signs of being overwhelmed with transition adjustments. This Friend called RantWoman in another attempt to connect and in a reply voice mail. RantWoman realized the most appropriate thing to do is to tell the Friend she needs to consider herself released from any need to deal with RantWoman's questions and also that maybe this Friend should explicitly ask our Meeting for formal released status and topical care and support in her new role.



Item: in following up on RantWoman's kvetches about lunch and Meeting for Business, RantWoman was led to offer a suggestion to the clerk of personnel committee about using volunteer rather than paid time for one activity our Meeting may have more of as some projects unfold. RantWoman made the comment and now has confidence it will be well-seasoned.



Item: The Compost thread is unfolding against the background of a whole stew where RantWoman had to elder Dear Friend about a matter that properly falls under the purview of our Meeting's personnel committee. RantWoman and Dear Friend talk and laugh and grumble back and forth all the time, and one time Dear Friend was grumbling about the personnel question. RantWoman understood very fast from Dear Friend's words that his behavior was almost certainly a very big problem to people who are current personnel. RantWoman said as much to Dear Friend and did not feel heard. RantWoman spoke to the key topical staffperson. This person's words exactly matched what RantWoman had suspected from conversation with Dear Friend and RantWoman did what she could to help topical assistance fall into place. RantWoman at some point stopped trying to interact with Dear Friend and just listened to him vent.



RantWoman is perfectly well aware that the reasonable personnel committee view resulted in some decisions that are a pain in the rear for Dear Friend. RantWoman also discerns some topics that could benefit from community light, but under the circumstances the Meeting WILL get around to it when the time is ripe. Sometime, somehow, RantWoman would be THRILLED if Dear Friend can ever acknowledge to RantWoman that he understands the Personnel Committee perspective. Of course, trust, but verify anyway.



Item: The more RantWoman talks to Dear Friend about the exact circumstances of her nomination, the clearer RantWoman becomes that Dear Friend may in fact both be attending to things way out of scope for a nomination decision and be WAY out of order in process terms. RantWoman in the course of trying more fully to understand this committee's charge has figured out that Nom Comm has one view. Dear Friend has another view and it is further unclear what is current practice on the committee. For further grins RantWoman has read our Yearly Meeting's Faith and Practice and our Monthly Meeting's bylaws. To say RantWoman has not found clear authority about several points from the narrative so far would be an extreme understatement. RantWoman in a recent phone conversation heard Dear Friend articulate some highly topical points related to Faith and Practice and our bylaws but since RantWoman is not on the topical committee, she thinks Dear Friend's current interventions are doing a lousy job of upholding that committee's process, of building that committee's capacity to work things out in its current composition. RantWoman unquestionably could have been more articulate and proactive at several points so far, but nothing that has come has reduced the clarity of her concerns that Dear Friend is getting in the way inappropriately. Now how to translate all of that into Quakerese, Quakerese that will land for others whether or not it lands for Dear Friend.



Item: RantWoman needs to acknowledge a sense that many historical elders in our Meeting have in recent years either rudely gone and died or at least moved out to lovely retirement among all the other seasoned Friends in certain island and shoreline locales. Other Friends go an get name clerk of very, very important Quaker activities, and our location brings a steady stream of seekers so that we have an ongoing task of orienting and connecting people in many phases of evolution as Friends. The process of seasoning RantWoman's nomination has caused RantWoman to reflect about her service and training (or lack thereof) for a number of roles. This topic gets its own entry. Next came RantWoman and Dear Friend forming a clearness committee. RantWoman realized two things she is simply going to call out for now. 1. Despite TWO spells as recording clerk and service on multiple committees including clerking two of them, RantWoman herself has never been asked to sit on any Clearness committees. 2. Despite a continually articulated concern about involving people younger than 40, RantWoman and Dear Friend did not think even to make the point of including such folk on our list of people to be asked for help. So boo for both of us.


Finally, RantWoman has been thinking of a few email threads and other points from this process and she had a terrifying thought, a thought so horrifying that she is not even going to articulate it, a thought that God is going to have to wrap up and deliver to topical people directly. Ai-yi-yi!

Stories are Just Data with a Soul

RantWoman deeply appreciates worship that is both very gathered and very on point. Last First day's Meeting for Worship, a week ago, featured nearly 45 minutes of truly nourishing silence, followed by two messages, one of the terms worthy but not special and a second about the people of Egypt wanting democracy on their own terms, thank you very much. RantWoman especially appreciated that the latter message was both concise and on-point. More on the first message further on.

Both of these messages occurred AFTER Eye Roller Prophetic Friend departed to make coffee for coffee hour. Afterward Eye Roller Friend said he was relieved that silence rather than popcorn ruled the day with regard to Egypt. RantWoman was grateful for "in their own terms!" RantWoman notes an ongoing and recurring theme about our Meeting purifying challenging persons with a long stint brewing coffee. RantWoman notes the theme and is seasoning what it suggests. There are people who find being able to feed community with hot liquids, tasty noshes, and clean crockery deeply nourishing to their own spiritual lives. Often these friends make many social and creative connections. RantWoman does not necessarily rule herself out of this number, but RantWoman is still terrified by laws of physics, her own communications challenges, and the pastoral concerns that sometimes turn up hiding out in the crockery. RantWoman is also meditating about the spiritual concerns tied up in physical work, food and drink, and the mechanics of commuity. RantWoman is meditating about this but back to today's item.


RantWoman's brain was running around worship "like a hummingbird on a holiday," in more than one language to boot. RantWoman has been seasoning a metaphorical message related to blindness for several weeks and part of the message needs a second language. It was also sudoku weather, defined today as cloudy and enough to make eyes itchy. RantWoman's brain also decided that being headachy was the best it could do with optic nerves not able to live up to brain's expectations about range of focus, with or without glasses. RantWoman decided to subtract her glasses and to continue fantasies about exactly what kind of shades would both cut the glare and look fabulous. RantWoman is too vain about the brain candy aspect of the puzzles left in her sudoku book to break it out even though the light and glare strongly suggested that option. RantWoman HAS decided though that her readers get to be present whether they care or not with more of the peregrinations and peculiarities of RantWoman's eyeballs.

One of the items immediately summoned to RantWoman's mind after the message discussed below.
Ashley W:
What does it mean to you to live a Christian life?
Basically, to love God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself (which means you'd better love yourself!).

The rest of the post, with hyperlinked Bible references:
http://questforadequacy.blogspot.com/2011/02/jesus-and-me.html


The second message was about being able to be vulnerable as a prerequisite for making connections. The message referenced a YouTube item by Breme Brown:
Brene Brown
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0


RantWoman means actually to interact with the contact of the video, but first this will be filtered through RantWoman's eyeballs: RantWoman watched the video on her home computer using her screen enlargement software. This means RantWoman could actually see the speaker's face and to see it enough to make sort of catty remarks about the speaker's hair style: RantWoman thought the haircut had a really nice shape. However, the cut featured a lot of longish hair that kept falling into the speaker's face. RantWoman would have been happy to pay more attention visually, but the speaker every two seconds kept brushing her hair out of her face and RantWoman completely lost patience with the visual interaction.

RantWoman suspects she could exhort herself to be grateful actually to be able to be driven crazy in exactly this way, but that is NOT the RantWoman who showed up. The RantWoman who showed wandered into meditations about all manner of individual specialness, a separate thread from Light within and universal worthiness in God or worthiness with or without what words an individual uses, regardless of the vexations that come with specific categories of specialness. RantWoman also hears pretensions in some corners that being vulnerable is really optional.


Rantwoman means to look more at comments in the video about shame and empathy. RantWoman also remembers comments about Courage / Compassion / Connection including a wonderful old dictionary definition of courage:

"to speak your mind with your heart."

Another Breme Brown item:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQiFfA7KfF0&NR=1



Also a reference to: ordinary courage in soem work by Andy Rogers