Three Moments

RantWoman has been interacting with minutes. There are three moments where RantWoman would have wished someone had the wit to say "RantWoman, why did you..."

Conflict is a Gift of God Friend: unsafe at any speed?

RantWoman, why did you enter Meeting for Business one month when Conflict Is a Gift of God Friend was speaking (a fact omitted in the minutes: who was speaking)?

RantWoman can recount multiple instances of being physically (Grab the Blind Person and Bless Them) and verbally abused by said Friend, often in the past in relation to RantWoman's family medical issues and most recently in an STFU moment involving chairs. The chairs issue involves communications that need updating and RantWoman strives for zenlike calm as things move forward. At any rate,  RantWoman is emphatically NOT called to accept said Friend's opinion about whether RantWoman belongs in Meeting for Business.

Oh, but RantWoman, doesn't that history make you feel unsafe in worship with said Friend?

NO! Sitting in worship with RantWoman and not dragging RantWoman across insane street crossings is an excellent place for Conflict is a Gift of God Friend to be. Plus remember that stuff about prayer across differences.

But RantWoman, unsafe...?

God is present. RantWoman has NO expectation of 100% safety anywhere. RantWoman's concept of holding in the Light is pretty fierce sometimes. We are not required to like what the Light shows for it to be helpful. If you are worried about RantWoman taking up too much space, please ask no further. Be glad RantWoman has a good therapist also.

Time Travel?

RantWoman, WHY.. by name during Meeting for Worship? That Friend was trying to clerk three commitees and save the Meeting and you just were NOT properly appreciative.

Look, maybe RantWoman misunderstood suggestions about meeting at Quarterly Meeting AFTER an event RantWoman wanted to ask about mic availability for. RantWoman gets that leadup communications were um not conducive to... Maybe after years and years of trying to communicate, RantWoman was suddenly magically supposed to expect that Phone Call Friend would grasp and accurately convey RantWoman's message. Maybe there is some time travel portal known to others that RantWoman has missed, not counting RantWoman's 2019 mentally jumping all over the anniversaries timeline

RantWoman GETS that RantWoman's experience of the circumstances may be hard to swallow.  RantWoman IS sorry for causing pain. RantWoman is striving to be faithful to her Light about big concerns and NOT to repeat the pain. RantWoman has sent further email and wishes here to repeat a thought to try again about conversations, perhaps with help from a different combination of people.

Triggered

RantWoman, why would you not just walk out of the room because ... thought you should?

The word "idiot" in the search bar will yield several reflections. RantWoman can add apologies for overestimating the room's capacity for linguistic subtlety to her apology for not losing her temper sooner or in more colorful terms. What matters in the moment: RantWoman was BADLY triggered by past abuses, by difficulty articulating issues. Even though it looked to everyone else like there were clear paths out of the room, RantWoman did NOT trust herself to be able to walk out safely. The more people tried to gaslight Rantwoman and tell her she was wrong about knowing her own body, the clearer RantWoman became about her position. Thank GOD RantWoman did not stop seasoning with Friends until she found a minority of voices who exactly GOT HER POINT.

But RantWoman, do you feel abandoned in your distress because everyone else just walked out of the room?

Good question. RantWoman also hit a theme from her childhood--and later a way to characterize the theme without spelling out the exact circumstances. Isn't the Light FUN!