Ministry? Not Ministry?

WARNING: This post contains references to someone coming upon the scene of a suicide, a parental anxiety theme, and RantWoman's usual subtle, sensitive, and nuanced treatment of many topics. RantWoman is grateful for a sense of God unquestionably showing up as well. This is from Meeting for Worship a few weeks ago. How many times might one say something here is / is not ministry at the same time?

Dear [Never mind who]

RantWoman was speaking recently of sparkling clarity: her Meeting gets three years of her attention to Worship and Ministry whether it knows what to do with it or not. Then along came a comment, never mind from whom in a recent Adult Education about rabbis not even considering people who want to convert to judaism until they have asked and been turned down three times.RantWoman is trying to decide whether to take that as a sign: Okay God, now what?

RantWoman writes: The following would fall under Quality of Worship. Maybe it was because I was sitting close to you at Meeting for Worship ... but during the first message you seemed to be rolling your eyes ALMOST as loudly as the World Champion of Audible Eyerolling sometimes does. Honestly, I have the same view of you doing audible eyerooling as of him: it's a nice accessibility feature, and I am unclear whether it is centered worship. It usually is not as high on my personal irritation list as other things, and sometimes...

What was bothering you the message accompanied by your audible eye rolling?

--The long exegesis about the circumstances of the Friend's fears of dropping her younest daughter off the catwalk at work?

--The throwing up several times as the image came over and over during the day?

--The driving home and coming upon the scene of someone having jumped off a bridge and then having to scour her neighborhood blog to find anyone willing to name the situation?

--something the message evoked from your personal experience or about someone close to you? Personally, I heard you sigh several times. I tease friends of mine that legally blind guests overlook a lot of housekeeping sins; I am wondering whether hearing loss also insulates some sitting nearby or not so nearby from distress about at least some audible eye-rolling. In any case, I am glad for a sense that after every one of your sighs, the message continued. I am glad of this particularly in light of:

--multiple other voices who seem to want ministry in easily digestible 30-second soundbites instead of the shared process of winnowing.

--multiple voices who howl about not understanding and seem to want the challenging just to go away rather than to sit with.

--multiple voices besides you who in general want messages to arrive perfectly formed and never ever by email rather than buffed into shape by community support of the birthing.

--another reviewer who said "well, it wasn't ministry. It was something unprocessed..." This reviewer at least got that one success of worship was how the community as a whole drew the message into worshipful fabric.We further talked about another recent Meeting for Worship where the whole community together held a number of difficulties very lovingly.

Have you considered the possibility if some message distresses you or does not seem obvious that you are to wait in faith for meaning to arrive?

Have you considered the possibility that you serve by being present, and even sighing repeatedly while a message arrives more directly to / through others?

RantWoman also was touched by the message and Literature Brain found much to work with:

--a Friend's anxiety about in a split second unintentionally doing something horrible that cannot be undone to a loved one.

--a Friend needing to be tender with the part of herself who knows to be horrified by what she kept seeing

--a Friend working with something weird that God has dropped into her lap.

--the power of shared observation of an actual event.

I found myself seasoning several messages, clear that the messages did not belong in the whole room, and clear that they are intended for someone though I am not sure for whom.

--After worship I told the Friend with the message, in my experience sometimes one just has to trust and pray, trust that one has what is needed when God drops something like that and that and that and maybe something else into one's lap and, more or less, that prayer is always a reasonable first way to deal and all the more if there is room to share

I did not tell the Friend of riding places with Tall Weighty Friend in the name of dialogue with "those other Quakers." I love riding with Tall Weighty Friend first because she is tall and, fuel economy be damned, her car has legroom in the back seat. Second, Tall Weighty Friend's default behavior when coming upon something horrible such as an accident is just to offer a prayer and a blessing.

--My radio last week was full of anniversary chatter about mass shootings at a local cafe and better mental health services as one way to cut down on gun violence. I was GLAD the message about the dream images supplanted possible anniversary ministry about the mass shootings.

I found myself thinking uncharitable thoughts of one person I remember offering ministry last year after the event. I sort of heard the ministry as "well I went by to bless the scene with my presence and yup it was real." Maybe my "I hear a lot of that Friend and have trouble hearing God around him" reflex is getting in the way of something I also remember about visiting the scene in the light of a new day. I remember seasoning a message myself about the same mass shooting events: My sister has moved to a new church. The organist there was driving by the woman who as shot on Capitol Hill. The organist stopped to help the woman and when it was clear that the woman would not make it, the organist stayed with her so she would not die alone. I consider that an act of profound spiritual accompaniment. ., a concept I do not hear very much but that could be applied a few different ways including perhaps simply to holding in worship.

BUT

Was there something in your audible eyerolling for the whole room OR was there someone the audible eyerolling was supposed to be a message for?

In the Light.

RantWoman

If you have made it this far whether or not meaning has arrived, perhaps you will enjoy one of these items. A very sweet one from Cherice Bock http://quakeroatslive.blogspot.com/2013/06/mama-does-god-hate-cars.html

Steven Davison on a gathered meeting. http://throughtheflamingsword.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/seeking-the-gathered-meeting/

Guy from Britain YM on trusting one's Meeting http://jollyquaker.com/2013/05/26/trust-in-the-spirit/ 

Confession the stuff in here about unity is making me really clear that maybe I just need to keep speaking about some threads BECAUSE I am out of unity with the prevailing understanding. Please hold that point in the Light.