After Action Report: Joys and Sorrows / Concerns

Joys and Sorrows are not particularly supposed to need an after-action report. But Literature Brain showed up. RantWoman apologizes if anyone who recognizes themselves feels mischaracterized. The point of this excursion is how RantWoman adds up messages.

Friend 1. Holding in the Light works ...cancer treatment...1 year. Clean mammogram....
Difficult spells are sometimes difficult and can take 10 years.

Friend 2 who previously offering a Hold in the Light request for the event referred to. Holding in the Light Works: two-hour non-violent witness against white supremacists wanting to disrupt a public event about humanitarian activities on the US Southern Border.
(RantWoman to herself in irascible curmudgeon mode: but what actually got said INSIDE the event.? And Awesome nonviolent witness inspiring RantWoman to further steadfastness in the realm of statements about the proposed public charge rules designed in RantWoman's estimation to deter immigrants, refugees, asylum seekers from applying for services they or their US citizen children may be eligible for).

Friend 3: Oh Come oh come Emmanuel earworm.God with us. God among us.

RantWoman: cue Fathers and Sons, tag Joys and Concerns in stream:
--Repeated request to be held in the Light

--JOY: Many people are doing things that make a difference

--Concern: Is RantWoman called to speak to neighbor in spirit of "What's up with that?" about neighbor's bulling behavior toward younger neighbors. All are guys with disabilities? Is the point of the meditation as much "What's up with that?" as anything else?

--Concern: A piece of info RantWoman is not supposed to know. An older about to retire source who, in RantWoman's opinion SHOULD KNOW BETTER" and a younger early in career person who has no idea. at all about the issue on RantWoman's mind."

--Joy: Blind Family, now adults who had imperfect and acerbically remembered Quaker caseworker. MUCH was less than ideal and the family grew up to be a strong family, good at self-advocacy and with skills to help out elders trying to wear too many hats.

--Joy and Sorrow: Newcomer (overcome; RantWoman is especially cautious about possible mischaracterization, partly because RantWoman was touched by conversation afterward and does not want to scare ...away.)

--Joy: Friend 4 who has been away: school is going well and I was able to visit two elders it is hard for RantWlay to see anytime but Sundays.

--Joy Quaker Dad: children did wonderful creative things with plastic lids that were not recyclable. Someone would have to be a WAY bigger curmudgeon than RantWoman not to be delighted with.


Paraphrasing, Voice of Elder: RantWoman that was too long and too much request to be held in the Light and I do not want to discuss.

Okay, Friend. Thank you for your opinion. RantWoman will be entertaining the thought that you mean there is no room specifically for RantWoman to request to be held in the Light. Charitably, RantWoman thanks you for the information that you missed her point. That probably means others missed her point as well. RantWoman will hold in the Light thoughts of further revelation.

In Light and Faithfulness.

RantWoman

Earworms: Rise Up, O Men of God / Oh Come Oh Come Emmanuel

What's a girl to do?

Are you struggling in your faith community or otherwise because of mansplaining, unexamined male privilege, gendered conversation styles, toxic masculinity, needs mid-meeting for consultations in the Ad-hoc Gender issues Conference Room, aka the women's restroom?

You could...sit down for prayerful reflection with queries and a process elder to talk things through sincerely.

OR

just double down on signifiers of masculinity. Bring on the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, singing Rise up oh Men of God. Blow out the mental cobwebs with pipe organ and male voices. THEN go back to the prayerful seasoning.





But what if the earworm shared in Meeting for Worship with that special Christmas in August feel is "Oh, come, Oh come Emmanuel?"

God, to the extent that the Google is in tune with God recommends this wonderful instrumental version.


Oh, come Oh Come Emmanual and ransom captive israel.

Wait, what is the theology of that, especially the ransom part? God with us, the wonderful ambiguity of the Spanish "entre nosotros," within us, among us?

Never mind.

Listen to the music. Listen to the music even if you are not used to pasting sonic metaphors into vexing challenges. Listen to the music. Then go back to words.

In Light and Faithfulness

RantWoman

Pray some more

RantWoman keeps trying to hit the right notes about a much needed “I’m sorry.” RantWoman IS sorry and the topic is tangled with threads where RantWoman’s Excessively Plain English to Quakerese filter is both badly needed and at great risk of malfunction, and malfunction more serious than words just not making it out of RantWoman’s mouth at all. So in the meantime, let’s talk about prayer.

Praying across differences

RantWoman deeply believes in the power of praying across differences.

Judging by

--several lively email threads related to the NPYM minute on eradicating racism

--numerous process and conceptual hiccups related to the history and present of talking about disability in RantWoman’s Meeting

--the All RantWoman all the time flow of ….

the “praying across differences” theme that first help draw RantWoman in needs some shoring up right now.

Prayer, impatiently

RantWoman, if you wanted to organize a “Prayer for Dummies” study group to talk about different people’s experiences of prayer, different ideas about prayer / holding in the Light at your Meeting, who would you ask? How would you find out whether anyone else is interested?  How many conversations would you need to have about materials to start from, videos, books and the same materials in alternative formats such as ebook or audio and library-related themes connected with the alternate formats issue? Do you even want to convene the group? If not how can all those darned questions help get the group convened on some kind of finite calendar?

            For extra grins, do you think anyone who was in either the Barclay reading group or the two-year-long meander through John Woolman’s journal even thought about you dealing with alternate format issues?

South Africa: that country people in the US love because race issues are even more stark than…

RantWoman remembers when Dudu Mtshazo  from South Africa was Friend in Residence for NPYM annual Session. She talked about people of different races violating that era’s pass laws to pray together.

RantWoman read some of Desmond Tutu’s book about the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. The Commission is a powerful story. The book is not good bedtime reading.

RantWoman has also been digesting Trevor Noah’s book Born A Crime about growing up in post-apartheid South Africa. The author’s mother is very Christian and on Sundays they often went to church 3 times, once to white church, once to colored church, and once to Black church. White church was intellectually stimulating, Colored church brought the author in contact with a lot of good stories, and at Black church there was a lot of loud music and casting out of demons. In other words, Trevor grew up, to use a favorite RantWoman term, theologically multilingual. For a time Trevor skipped Black church to spend time with his father, and he weaves rather arch observations in here and there.

Prayer was not a big topic in the book. RantWoman thinks race matters and prayer is still needed, but does not think anyone should be required to pray any specific way.

I need to pray with these people.

RantWoman thinks she may already have posted about one of her hats outside meeting, the state affiliate of a national blind consumer group (terminology alert: blind consumer group. Concept extremely relevant to RantWoman, outside Meeting activity always nurtured by RantWoman’s connections to Friends). Blind Consumer group is avowedly secular but a teleconference prayer group formed. The group is convened by a very committed Christian. The group uses all sorts of language that is other than RantWoman would use. But when RantWoman received the initial email, RantWoman’s first thought was “I MUST pray with these people.” The group meets by conference call at a time that is awkward for RantWoman but who says people cannot pray by email too?

This week in blindness tourism

Currently playing on Planet RantWoman: Blindness Tourism, with a side of Quakerese, and giant spiritual striptease. RantWoman may explain in another post and an AWOL editor leaving lots of conceptual tangle which RantWoman may or may not at some point be called to edit further. RantWoman humbly acknowledges that this post is almost as cryptic as another blog RantWoman most frequently finds obnoxious but occasionally culls important Light from.

Sleep

RantWoman and sleep have a singular dance right now. Saturday night RantWoman had no trouble writing and writing. RantWoman did not try to tightly edit and for once thought not to post. until it was almost 6 am. RantWoman still woke up before 8. RantWoman, somewhere between prayer and inertia seriously considered not going her regular paths; RantWoman made her usual bus.

Ministry of Moving Large Muscles and Banging Things.

RantWoman is glad she went, for idiosyncratic reasons. Especially when running on nowhere near enough sleep, it felt good have ministry of moving large muscles and banging things while setting up tables and chairs for light lunch.

Nasturtiums in Salad Friend was funny. She wanted RantWoman to have help from the community. RantWoman told Nasturtiums in Salad friend she definitely did not have to do the work; Perhaps RantWoman undersold the concepts of community and tending the many gardens at her (and RantMom’s) retirement community. Perhaps RantWoman should have told Nasturtiums in Salad Friend that she could supervise.

RantWoman did not really tell Nasturtiums in Salad Friend that the most useful "help" while RantWoman is moving furniture is for people just to stay out of her way unless they are large enough for the likes of RantWoman to see easily or to handle it if RantWoman plows into them. RantWoman did most of the work herself blessedly free of collision possibilities. RantWoman got help with a few tables but definitely delegated the cleanup furniture moving.

The Microwave

Heating up the new Clerk’s fried rice was easy. Tow Truck Guy mansplaining about plate from the Right Cupboard to counter and where to find the serving spoons was amusing, particularly since RantWoman has known where the serving spoons are for a LONG time since before... No one noticed what a random experience RantWoman and flat panel microwave controls can be. RantWoman pretty much just punches some random time and then find the Start button. The fried rice got eaten—and enjoyed. So did RantWoman’s brussels sprouts.

Da Tech stuff

RantWoman is learning a new browser, Chrome instead of Internet Explorer. (What’s a browser? RantWoman will explain.) RantWoman’s fingers need new muscle memories. RantWoman is also trying to learn more of the browser without touching her mouse. Say no more? Not even about screen readers? Or software accessibility or… RantWoman is humbled to find herself somewhat on the same technological footing as many tech novices even though RantWoman is speaking of different products.

In other Planet RantWoman news

RantWoman has been reading minutes, particularly a large section of 2019-06 minutes again in fine all RantWoman all the time devoted to RantWoman. These minutes involve the Recording Clerk’s grasp of a report that RantWoman contributed to. RantWoman would appreciate seeing a copy of the original report because the minutes do not reflect everything RantWoman said; RantWoman has no basis for knowing what actually got said and RantWoman is shortly going to repeat a point to the effect that relying on minutes is nowhere equal access to the content delivered in Meeting for Business.

RantWoman may even remark tightly about Meeting for Business not being in charge of God. It is of course the other way around to start with. RantWoman DOES NOT mean she has carte blanche to wreck all kinds of havoc, only that she is NOT called to go away and is seasoning how best to nurture the possibilities she sees.

WARNING: Extreme Sarcasm Alert!

RantWoman feels deep affection for the people she writes of here. RantWoman does not dispute that the interwebs are way to full of way to much scary harsh content from RantWoman. RantWoman is VERY sorry for hurting people, particularly when she cannot even tell she has done so. Here RantWoman definitely holds the Friends who evoke these comments in the Light and RantWoman hopes her readers understand the sarcasm as frustration, not something personal.

RantWoman thinks the report missed several important details. Why oh why didn’t the former clerk throw in “we were really baffled because RantWoman came to us trying to talk about easy ways to evaluate app accessibility, but we had no idea what she was talking about and we are glad she was led to ask how she came across. But still, please add our voice to the RantWoman should just stay away from Business Meeting” crowd. Did the bafflement just not register enough to comment?

Similarly, the Care and Accountability committee might have enhanced its contribution to these minutes by saying something like “Our eyes just glazed over when RantWoman tried to speak to us of accessible documents or why a Clerk might benefit from observing blind people in Meetings. RantWoman even spent a chunk of time on this topic in a committee meeting and our eyes glazed over so please add our names to…

But no. Nary a word about topics that are HUGE in RantWoman’s life! Can anyone imagine, in the face of such huge culture gaps alone, why RantWoman is just not going casually to sign onto whatever rattles out of others’ heads?

 

“…crazy stuff on blog…”

Fair enough to muse about people who are curt to RantWoman on phone, do not want to receive email, commit giant lapses of language in person and then wonder why RantWoman stashes her exasperation on her blog. RantWoman would love a sense of a different path and would not mind having enough confidence in … to see whether someone else could maybe help. In the meantime, readers who feel seen and do not like the view are invited to reconsider need to commit…

Go talk to your therapist

RantWoman, are you talking to… about…?

1.   RantWoman has the problem she knows other therapy clients have of the really important stuff spilling out five minutes before the end of the session.

2.   RantWoman really needs to see whether her therapist would find it worthwhile to get into the provider network that could help RantWoman pay more than the bottom of the sliding scale out of pocket.

3.   Besides money, RantWoman really cannot deal with too many therapy appointments and really needs the space between sessions to process the work.

4.   RantWoman IS actually talking to her therapist about the issues underlying… RantWoman has both sent at least one email to this point and grasped that possibly others get some of what is going on. Some of it.

That has to be enough, possibly more than enough for today.

In Light and faithfulness.

RantWoman

Stable? Agreed? MInutes?

Welcome to blogging while blind.
Substitute content due soon.

Substitute content because this item got posted the first time with extraneous content because RantWoman was sloppy about editing and did not do one last roll through with the screen reader before posting.

RantWoman is seasoning a leading: moments where RantWoman has tried to express gratitude, moments where RantWoman has tried to articulate important points are either specifically absent from minutes “RantWoman spoke at length” but not a dang thing about what RantWoman said)  or lost in a zone which MAY be partly attributable to unclear presentation.

In any case, since many points important to RantWoman are absent from minutes, RantWoman is permitting herself the option of not believing a thing written in minutes. RantWoman is also giving herself the option of simply accepting minutes as DATA. RantWoman recognizes that taking minutes is hard work. If Friends are not supposed to “speak at length” about topics that may be unfamiliar to everyone especially the Recording Clerk, RantWoman thinks it might be entirely reasonable in support of making the Recording Clerk’s job easier for the Recording Clerk and the proposed Ad Hoc Committee on Disability Awareness specifically to instruct the committee which includes two past recording clerks, the  current recording clerk, and other past or possibly future recording clerks to spend some time specifically on concepts and what is or is not reflected in past minutes as demonstrated by minutes, by RantWoman’s blog such as it is any use or by Friends’ memories.

RantWoman is aware the above paragraph needs editing. Hold the problem in the Light because RantWoman wants to interact with another piece of data. RantWoman should search, open some files and quote verbatim, but RantWoman’s memory is that the complaint is basically as follows:

“We never felt like we had a stable agreement and then RantWoman goes and writes weird stuff on her blog.”

RantWoman says all over her blog that she is testing, that there are wonky eyeballs….

As far as agreements, could the problem possibly be:

            Everyone throws things together in slapdash fashion, does not get documents to RantWoman or does not put things in writing so everyone can verify and review, and then all nods in agreement before RantWoman can even get recognized to speak? As data in support of this point, RantWoman appreciates acknowledgment in a Business Meeting awhile ago that yes, many people besides RantWoman appreciate having the Business Meeting Materials emailed out in advance.

            Stuff does muddle out of RantWoman’s head on the way home. Sometimes this is conversation in a car. Sometimes it is bus muddle. RantWoman notes one recent moment where some seasoning by email on a short timeline MIGHT have been desirable and is happy to take responsibility for not specifically asking about Friends’ willingness to do that.

Here in terms of experience, RantWoman is happy to file: This is in reference to

         Long ago service on a certain committee

         The care and Accountability Committee’s efforts to try to get RantWoman to agree to things without interacting with whether RantWoman in fact CAN let alone agrees she is called to do as asked.

            The Current minute on Common Understandings.  God in his / her peculiar wisdom keeps sending people of widely varying abilities and disabilities to earth and telling the to figure out how to get along. RantWoman does not find said minute conducive to getting along. To cite just one example, the thing about “Do not speak at length.” What if the message from God is lengthy??? What if it challenges people’s images of themselves or of some hard reality?

RantWoman is seasoning all of these points. RantWoman has made a number of important observations about many different topics in email. Recently minutes are all about how difficult RantWoman is and not about important points of relevance to many parts of Meeting life. If RantWoman saw in minutes even one scintilla of evidence that others are thinking about and resonate with RantWoman’s concerns, RantWoman might be clear that the Meeting does not need the information she is trying to provide. RantWoman is aware of a sense of help not asked for, help people do not appear to think they need.

And RantWoman is going to stop here and MAYBE work in time on her other blog for a #SuckItAbleism about straw bans, ocean pollution, and making a difference.

Thank you in advance for holding in the Light as you read. RantWoman at the moment can hold in the light more expeditiously than she can edit.

Presence Pronouns Color

Meditations after pronouns

 

…standard RantWoman pronouncement …”pronouns are an essay question…”

 

“RantWoman, I identify as non-binary. I feel erased when you say  that.”

 

“Friend, thank you for telling me. I do not mean to make you feel erased. I mean this as a gesture of inclusion. I am sorry my needing to speak my Truth makes you feel erased. What can we do to hold this difficulty for now?”
 

Meditations after a car ride home

Remember this memorial?

 

https://rantwomanrsof.blogspot.com/2011/07/agnes-schmoe.html

 

Paraphrasing slightly, RantWoman we all know why you did it but we were a little embarrassed / distressed..

Present and Insufferable

RantWoman has been thinking about presence and visibility of “people of color,” People of European descent,” people who everyone assumes are white but are not, people who have people of color in their extended families.

 

(RantWoman, STOP. That is enough categories for now. Not really, but )

 

Then in the weird logic of Hold in the Light RantWoman’s soul reached out toward the people of color in her extended family. It is family so LIMITED detail but consider:

https://rantwomanrsof.blogspot.com/2015/01/happy-new-year-lets-talk-about-death.html

 

RantWoman of her own initiative to help her speak of the workshop with her extended family went and looked up some resources in other languages. Then RantWoman generously shared the results of her research with the world via this blog post.

 

Can anyone besides RantWoman identify a number of insufferable elements about the presentation?

 

Can anyway besides RantWoman identify some points that might relate to the presence of people of color in the conversation as well.

 

In Light and Faithfulness

 

RantWoman.

 

 

Gender. Restrooms. Signs Presence

RantWoman's body is back from Annual Session, but her brain clearly is not.

Hold in the Light one Meeting discerning about matters of all-gender restrooms. There are matters of cost, plumbing and ventilation; There also seem to be matters of people's comfort levels and some strands of conflict not specific only to the restrooms issue. Please hold in the Light as they discern.

And speaking of all-gender restrooms, on the left is the sign next to the one-person all-gender restroom on the ground floor of RantWoman's dorm. Hover the mouse to read the alt text for RantWoman commentary.

On the right please find the sign Annual Session planners plastered over the single-gender restroom on RantWoman's floor in the dorm. Aside from the presumptuousness of "Nobody Cares,: hover the mouse to see what else was making RantWoman crabby, not crabby enough to outweigh a wonderful Annual Session, but definitely crabby enough that if RantWoman WANTED to live in crabby space... 

The sign on the
All-Gender Restroom
in the Dorm

All floors restrooms declared all-gender with some sign
 in small print about hours
if one wanted single-gender space

In light and faithfulness.
RantWoman