Friday, May 21, 2010

Our guy with ...

OOPS! RantWoman started to write a title involving information she realized is not general knowledge in Meeting even though it occurred in public elsewhere. RantWoman will season whether to urge that it become more general knowledge, but in the meantime...

Our guy with the (ellipsis) above is the father of the child RantWoman wrote of previously.

The event behind the ellipsis occurred in a public enough place to trigger that organization's incident response and get the cops called independently of other issues. Because of evidence that our guy with the (ellipsis) is reaching out to other Quaker organizations, because the (ellipsis) occurred so publicly, RantWoman is breaking with previous reticence and posting further to her blog. Friends who get contacted with weird stories about our Meeting, PLEASE take note. Check out stories. This person needs HELP! He needs more help than our Meeting alone can provide!

RantWoman is working with a twitch written of previously on behalf of a child. RantWoman is acutely aware that she does NOT have to do anything further. RantWoman is actuely aware that she on her own has NO capacity alone to work her twitch in the situation on her mind. And RantWoman reads

RantWoman is posting partly because she wants others who might be called to interact with Our Guy With the (ellipsis) to know Our Guy... has a son and cares a lot about his son. RantWoman has no idea whether her twitches will help in this area, but RantWoman has to be true to her twitches.

(offered for comparison)

"Hi, I am a sex offender. I am in a treatment program that requires its participants to attend and participate in an religious congregation and to disclose our status to the community."

RantWoman does not remember the exact words of her pivotal conversation with the guy who would later become The Safest Sex Offender on the Planet, but they were just about that blunt. It was coffee hour. The future Safest Sex Offender... had been attending Meeting for a few months without saying anything about that part of his life, and RantWoman could see he had something on his mind.

RantWoman offered some kind of open-ended question, listened carefully, decided very fast that she was out of her depth and punted: RantWoman introduced The Safest Sex Offender... to a very seasoned Friend who has long experience with restorative justice, Alternatives to Violence, and activities that existed in RantWoman's mind at the time as "very cool things Quakers do" but definitely not something RantWoman herself felt immediate capacity to deal with.

Today, especially because of RantWoman's own lack of capacity, RantWoman is VERY humble about all the time and work and conversations required of her Meeting for the ministries that have resulted from the Safest Sex Offender...'s disclosure. RantWoman also notes a few other points of comparison with the other situation she has in mind:

--The Safest Sex Offender... immediately acknowledged his situation. He signed releases allowing Friends to check matters out independently. Very thorough checking was done. The checking was so thorough that RantWoman more than once found herself wondering in Business Meeting whether she necessarily even needed to know the details being discussed. The very thorough checking showed that the Safest Sex Offender was completely truthful!

--The Safest Sex Offender... had credible history of previous experience with Quakers and CO issues.

--The Safest Sex Offender...'s offense occurred outside Meeting and part of his need for ministry related to him taking full legal responsibility and asking for specific manageable support while mandatory legal pieces played out.

--As far as RantWoman can tell, The Safest Sex Offender... has complied scrupulously with all conditions set by the court, his treatment program, and Meeting.

--Our Meeting had several people who clearly felt called to minister to all the different questions that arose because of this Friend.

RantWoman is thinking about all of the above, deep contrition, willingness to acknowledge and be vulnerable,scrupulous attention to conditions set from several directions, several individuals who felt both able and clearly called to respond, in connection with other events. For comparison:

--The individual in question the more recent situation cannot acknowledge the scope and scale of his problem. When confronted with evidence about the situation, he denies and erupts and is VERY inappropriate. After the fact, he minimizes the effects of his behavior and blames others.

--There are multiple people in Meeting with considerable grounds on different bases to take legal action.

--Events have transpired in a public enough way elsewhere that the cops got called actually before anyone at Meeting filed a police report.

In other words, the person in question is already several strikes past the things Meeting required in the case of the Safest Sex Offender... It is TOTALLY obvious that this person needs help. This person seems to be reaching out, albeit in inappropriate ways. It is totally obvious that this person needs way more serious, structured help than Meeting can provide on our own. RantWoman is thinking of the very stern conditions set in the case above and thinks the ONLY way Friends would want to walk further with this individual would be if he took immediate and verifiable direct initiative to access services and address points comparable to what RantWoman wrote of the Safest Sex Offender....

RantWoman thinks Our Guy... could get a lot of the help he needs without Quakers. RantWoman cannot possibly speculate about whether there are individual Quakers who could walk alongside regardless of what Meeting does, but RantWoman would NOT advise Our Guy to wait around for Quakers before getting help!

One more thing: this person himself speaks at times of help for his son. All RantWoman can say is, if you want to help your son, GET HELP FOR YOURSELF!

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