Content Warning: this post offers
multiple ways to GET REALLY UPSET, both in terms of content and in terms of
meandering digressive style. May every reader have the pleasure of finding
something to put on their personal Dial-a-Tirade list. Think of the opportunity
like a belated Easter Egg Hunt in the age of #CoronaVirus #covid19
#CoronaVirusSeattle !
It was Easter Freaking Sunday and freaky things were happening.
First, a couple blog items
RantWoman does not necessarily either fully believe in or fully disbelieve
along with some random coronavirus stuff. The random coronavirus stuff probably
got pasted here by accident when RantWoman intended to paste it somewhere else.
Please hold that problem in the Light, wash your hands, wear your mask, don’t
believe anything President Orange Foolius says about bleach and disinfectant,
and #StayHealthy. WE now resume our regular programming.
RantWoman meant to find something sort of charismatic from either Hye Sung or from Johan Maurer; RantWoman cannot find either
item she thought she had bookmarked. Sigh. Dialogue on the basis of theological
diversity as promised when one young Friend was admitted to membership will
just have to wait.
The random coronavirus stuff
It was Easter Freaking Sunday and Sara Bridgesong came to worship.
God was calling. A personage named
Sara Bridgesong responded.
RantWoman reminds readers that
people with disabilities are sometimes called to be places they are either
explicitly or implicitly not wanted. RantWoman’s leading to attend Meeting for
Worship on Easter crystalized at an hour it would have been unseemly to call
anyone. Should RantWoman have propitiated…. by calling someone up and saying
“Pretty Please, I am called to be present? Or is “I am called to be present”
sufficient? Who should we ask, Faith and Practice? The Easter Bunny? The pure
discernings of our heart? Some strand of legal tradition?”
Maybe it doesn’t matter because
Sara Bridgesong showed up instead and has been asking RantWoman for help
chewing over the event. RantWoman means at another juncture and maybe non on
her Quaker blog to post specifically about issues in the Zoom chat and sense of
the Meeting.
(As an aside, RantWoman finds
herself wondering what in the age of Zoom would be the electronic equivalent of
RantWoman’s In Real Life (IRL for those into acronyms) practice sometimes of
holding meeting for worship with attention to prayer and chatty witness with
some kind of physical presence…. RantWoman will keep wondering.)
It was Easter Freaking Sunday and She’s BACK
RantWoman is not up on Biblical
accounts of how the Pharisees viewed the resurrection: RantWoman kind of
imagines some of them thinking "Oh Crap. He's BACK!" RantWoman does
NOT mean to equate herself with Christ or to suggest necessarily that Pharisees
are the problem here.
Oh, what the HELL! Go with the
Pharisees, and “she’s BACK,” if by Pharisees one means people who only know one
set of language, one way of doing things. The problem as RantWoman experiences
it: the realities of RantWoman’s life ask lots of people to learn new
vocabulary, vocabulary about many forms of accessibility, vocabulary about
reasonable accommodations, vocabulary about, in the spirit of single standard
of truth concepts that apply both within Meeting and in the broader world. To
drill down on just one concept, RantWoman is spending A LOT of time right now
interacting with issues of technology and accessibility for all the video
conferencing options sweeping the internet, and that includes the life of a
certain faith community.
Members of said faith community who
WANT a sojourn among key sequences, swipe patterns, browsers, screen reader
technologies are cordially invited to come along for the ride. Friends
uninterested in this particular carnival ride are invited to recognize that
RantWoman is sometimes on this carnival ride and if it seems like she is ignoring
you, it is not necessarily that you are boring but more that RantWoman cannot
do all that eye contact visual feedback everyone who is sighted craves and
RantWoman may be occupied with more than she is sharing in a given
conversation.
It would be sufficient to observe
that RantWoman yearns for broad understanding of many simple steps that make a
difference for her. RantWoman notes that some Friends understand this much
better than others; in some cases these Friends are reluctant to speak up.
RantWoman is FINE with and even wants to HONOR different capacities as long as
two other things are also true: First, the weight of this reality does not fall
only on one overloaded person, particularly if said person might be prone to,
um, gatekeeping. Second, there is room for people to step aside when something
that they personally cannot do is actually necessary and there are people ready
to step in. But RantWoman is getting ahead of herself again.
RantWoman does mean to highlight a
difference between responding to a Divine Call and “RantWoman is incapable of
…,” a comment RantWoman considers ableist and patronizing. Friend, RantWoman is
NOT called to try to fit herself into your box. Plus sometimes when one tends
to God’s call one is rewarded, actually, with more data than one necessarily
wants to collect. Holy Shiiiiiit!
It was Easter Freaking Sunday, the ventilator thread
The world was awash in
#CoronaVirus. RantWoman's brain is full, on one hand, of very opinionated
voices from people with disabilities saying various versions of "Our lives
are really important to us at least. Don't you dare deprioritize us for
ventilators." How the heck is RantWoman supposed to walk alongside those
points of view? On the other hand, RantWoman also is morbidly curious about
accounts both of people surviving the virus and of people who die of it:
RantWoman and Little Sister though have both agreed no ventilators. RantWoman
will figure out what all to put in writing for herself.
RantWoman of course is not planning
to get sick, but RantWoman does not want to be on a ventilator if she does get
sick. That does not sound like fun. RantWoman applauds the guts of people who
need ventilators to live every day. RantWoman also applauds the guts of people
willing to say, why? What are good outcomes? Okay. Holy Crap. Little sister has
been in ICU and on a ventilator but only for a couple days. RantWoman is glad
Little Sister survived. RantWoman just wants NOT TO HAVE TO DEAL.
It was Easter Freaking Sunday Elijah showed up in someone’s online Seder.
Someone named Sara Bridgesong
showed up in the Zoom for a certain Meeting for Worship and part of Meeting for
Business at a local Friends Meeting. Sara Bridgesong was mistaken for
RantWoman. There is NOT 100% overlap, though Sara was definitely not received
any better than RantWoman is right now. But the data. OH THE DATA.
RantWoman did not ask God for one more
person, particularly if that person is the clerk, saying in email, in private
and in public that Sara Bridgesong “does not have standing to express the wish
that the State of Society report specifically include some kind of statement
from RantWoman. Or for instance speak in Business meeting of …” RantWoman finds that phrasing, um,
interesting, as in problematic, and problematic enough to think the situation
needs more conversation about vocabulary. But hearing it said in public is such
a GIANT step in transparency, such a step maybe RantWoman should just pen a
thank you letter. In case readers cannot tell, RantWoman respectfully
disagrees, in both legal and Quaker terms.
Sara Bridgesong wanted to know
about the State of Society report, the long document read near the beginning of
Meeting for business. The document as currently conceived goes on at length
about releasing a Friend from membership and “a piece of our heart.” The
document mentions that is is the first time in our Yearly Meeting. It’s NOT the
first time. RantWoman’s Meeting releases people from membership from time to
time when someone cleans out the membership rolls and cannot locate people.
Anyway, Sara was REALLY clear that especially if it is the first time, careful
scrutiny is in order. And even after getting thrown out of the Zoom call, Sara
was REALLY insistent. RantWoman appreciates insistent people. She herself also
finds them a bit much sometimes.
RantWoman did not ask God for
statements from two Friends that sounded, according to Sara Bridgesong’s report,
more like contempt than grief. RantWoman would find it particularly tempting to
push back hard considering the meeting roles of the two people who seem
according to the report to have spoken. Nor did RantWoman ask for statements
from two men, Conflict is a Gift of God Friend, and “Leave me off the mailing
list for your disabilities items even though I am a committee clerk Friend.”
The fact that neither man thinks Meeting needs to talk about disability is
exactly why Meeting needs to talk about disability AND Meeting needs to INCLUDE
RANTWOMAN, not just expect RantWoman to bless whatever comes out of a certain
newly created Ad-hoc committee on disability! So perhaps another thank you
letter is in order?
But RantWoman is getting ahead of
herself. RantWoman cannot explain how grateful she was to see some familiar faces
before Sara Bridgesong took over her keyboard. RantWoman in the recollection
will try to make phone contact with a beloved elder she cannot go visit in her
retirement community. Beloved elder is suffering from confusion and phone is
just hard.
It was Easter Freaking Sunday. Who gets a break and from what?
RantWoman heard one review:
"RantWoman we need a break. We asked you to..." RantWoman will try to
stifle a tirade: there is no good time for… and RantWoman does not get a break
from… RantWoman will shortly be offering a brief survey of many great moments
in disability awareness over the last 15 years. In some cases, RantWoman easily
finds words of appreciation. In other cases, the great moments of disability
awareness boil down to RantWoman saying some version of "I ask you
to" sadly without the words "reasonable accommodations" attached,
and the answer coming back "No."
Examples:
The long-ago conversation with
Nominating Committee where nominating committee complained about RantWoman’s
well-known capacity for digression and RantWoman filed 3 of the 5 moments
identified under something to do with disability.
Previous meeting efforts to think
about disability that resulted in reports to business meeting and not one word in
minutes either about things to do with blindness or about many legal concepts
RantWoman considers important. Most of business meeting was well-pleased and
let the matter drop without further instructions. RantWoman attempted to prompt
further discussion by email and RantWoman is VERY grateful for one Friend’s
acknowledgment much later that maybe that review had missed a thing or two.
multiple events planned without
thought of microphones.
A Care and Accountability committee
FOR A PERSON WITH A DISABILITY and overflowing with moments of ableism that
somehow thought it was not their purview to address disability and over and
over turned down RantWoman’s specific requests for clearness committee
processes, for better conversations about basic things like documents in
alternate formats and software accessibility.
Great moments of pastoral presence
and eldering that can be found on this blog with the search terms idiot,
couples counseling, or pizza
A continuing need to attend to what
gets recorded in minutes and whether minutes everyone else is pleased about do
justice to given situations.
Multiple suggestions that the
custodians of Meeting for Worship come to meetings involving a lot of blind
people so that conversation can be had about annoying blind person behaviors
and the elements of business meeting. RantWoman
appreciates two Friends who HAVE come to meetings with a lot of blind people
and made topical helpful observations. That
is a start.
RantWoman DEEPLY appreciates
evolution over time and even before the dawning of the Age of Zoom about
Friends willingness to do the best they can about getting things done by
conference call. RantWoman deeply appreciates acknowledgment from more than one
direction ---including a recent Zoom event about clerking virtual meetings--that,
for blind people, all meetings are essentially conference calls.
Here RantWoman is getting assertive
about just saying she is going to be a business process nerd, a particularly
salient point when EVERYONE else is also learning their way around the jungles
of video conferencing,
RantWoman is also, cough, struck by
the evolution of the AdHoc committee on Disability. The committee evolved from
a series of conference calls and was ready for several months in 2019 to bring
a minute to Meeting for Business creating a committee. The former and current
clerks said no for months and months until AFTER the “difficult decision” in
October. Really? How is RantWoman supposed to take everyone’s good intentions
seriously??? RantWoman is VERY grateful for the time several Friends have
invested in bringing this work along. RantWoman is doing the best she can to be
optimistic about paths forward.
An eye for an eye, in this case,
getting stuck in cycles of frustration, makes the whole world blind. God keeps
sending people with disabilities to live in the world and then asking everyone
to try to get along. Making more blind people is probably not the best path but
right now. But what would be a better path?
Recently RantWoman got to interact
with a survey drafted by someone else that clearly includes many elements of
previous years emails from RantWoman. RantWoman TRULY appreciates noticing this
although some acknowledgement of the emails when they were first sent would not
have distressed RantWoman AT ALL.
RantWoman DEEPLY appreciates one
Friend’s question about what is working. The question came at a we are running out
of time moment and RantWoman is wondering how to untangle the what is working
parts from the hard and frustrating parts, but… start there.
Likewise, RantWoman notes several
strands of struggling with new vocabulary, new concepts. RantWoman is ALWAYS a
fan of people learning new vocabulary. But disability and legal vocabulary is,
yes indeed, a tangled brew.
ButRrantwoman you are taking up all
our time.
But RantWoman…
But RantWoman, we are not having
fun.
No? Neither is RantWoman really.
It was Easter Freaking Sunday. WHO were we in Meeting with
RantWoman has been meditating on identity
and different people's expectations of certainty about who they are in the room
or on the internet with. (Or standing outside a tomb with?) RantWoman notes
that one of the marvels of Zoom is the opportunity to visit far off meetings
from the comfort of one's favorite home worship position or to worship with
Friends from far away without knowing it. RantWoman will meditate about whether
to go a visiting, though when RantWoman has been a first-time visitor a time or
two, she has been clearly called to speak.Peculiarly, RantWoman wishes it were
the norm for people called to speak to offer their name before speaking.
Truthffully, RantWoman is also a
little alarmed at the thought that a visitor might be peppered with the
belligerent "Who are you?" that greeted Sara Bridgesong.
RantWoman is imagining a newcomer
Sara Bridgesong feeling very uncomfortable hearing the utter contempt with
which several speakers spoke of the Friend who has been released from
membership.But when the words came, RantWoman realized that she must offer her
version of Great Moments of Disability awareness for general consumption.
Then RantWoman imagined the
following conversations:
"What kind of name is Sara
Bridgesong? Who IS she? Who is she? Who IS she?"
"hmmm, name sounds a little
... Is there some kind of geography here?“
“and why doesn't she get a camera
and a mic for her computer??
At this point Sara Bridgesong
coughed loudly and exhibited so many signs of audible eyerolling that RantWoman
had to stop and offer appreciations for the peculiar ministry of audible
eye-rolling offered by a Friend who is not attending right now. Sara grabbed
RantWoman’s keyboard, coughed loudly and pecked out “WHY DON’T YOU ASK ME??? I
AM RIGHT HERE!”
OOPS! Sorry! How did you find out
about this Meeting?
“I truthfully don’t remember. It
has been awhile. I just now decided…”
“But “
“Look, I cannot talk. It’s a birth
defect. It means I do not care about having a mic. I have really sensitive skin
so I wear as little clothing as possible, not a happy conversation when there
is a camera around. One of these days I mean to figure out an avatar image
though.”
“There are lots of Sara’s behind my
first name. Sometimes I have an h, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I mess with
people about that. Sometimes I just let
people get it wrong.”
B-b-but, your last name?
“Grad School. Language student
mistranslation literalism. Leningrad / St. Petersburg. There are lots of
drawbridges. They come up at night to let shipping traffic through. They have
loud horns when the bridge is about to come apart. In the late spring, when the
days are VERY long, grad students take the Metro to the stop closest to the
nearest bridge and “watch the bridges get divorced”..I looked on the internet and
your Meeting has a great drawbridge. I think it “gets divorced” sometimes
during Meeting for Worship, and I imagine the sounds of the horns before the
bridge is raised. But the bridge has to come back together so lots of people
can go home, right? I have a broad idea of songs anyway.”
“Ohhhh. Well there are other bridges, but… So what did you
think?”
“Did I get you into any trouble?”
“You did not get me into any trouble I am not perfectly
capable of getting my self into.”
“Oh man. Somebody on Twitter was talking about how the
#StayHome orders are stressing lots of people out. To the point that “unsafe at
any speed” sounds on point. Only their idea of ‘unsafe at any speed is your or
my idea of, I dunno, Tuesday.”
“Sounds about right. Are you coming back?”
“Where is that service python of yours? Is he available to
help?”
“use your search bar and ask. There might be more than
enough to say just about service DOGS.”
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