One at a Time PLEASE

Dear Parents,

RantWoman LOVES your children, really she does. RantWoman loves having a community that includes kids, parents, crusty curmudgeons, and people with all kinds of life experiences that might not be obvious just sitting in Meeting for Worship.

RantWoman is Auntie, not a parent. RantWoman REALLY digs being Auntie, for one thing because she gets to Give the Kid Back. RantWoman considers it her holy duty to cheerlead parents doing the fulltime job. In other words, RantWoman means well! And sometimes RantWoman's good intentions work; sometimes they do not.

RantWoman also considers it the community's job to cheerlead parents and to nurture our children's growth and development. RantWoman sees no reason growth and development are incompatible with that glorious time at the end of worship when children come, meeting shortly closes, and thenthere are ANNOUNCEMENTS, love 'em or hate  'em. RantWoman personally really appreciates announcements--when she can hear them.

RantWoman has been trying to have a community conversation about the principle that one person talks at a time during announcements. RantWoman's Meeting includes a whole bunch of people who hear badly. The worship room is covered with sound muffling carpet all over the walls. RantWoman's Meeting is not any more blessed with people who find it easy to SPEAK UP than anywhere else. And RantWoman thinks there are lots and lots of people who will appreciate it if children and adults can learn to talk ONE AT A TIME. This does not have to be perfect and there is plenty of time for people to grow into this, but RantWoman has become clearer and clearer that this is reasonable.

The first time need to speak to this issue came to RantWoman there were MANY new families with LOTS of children in worship and RantWoman was more than willing to make allowance for "new" and very young children. Meeting for Worship featured the next in a series of "hold it in the Light" messages about a youth struggling with more teenage challenges than average. RantWoman does not remember what all came up during announcements except for an announcement of a death of another challenged youngish person who few people in the room knew. Announcements ran long and the many children were exuberant, vocal and understandably not on topic.

RantWoman found her stomach churning and had to sit with a whole bunch of personal issues before being clear to go home and do a customary RantWoman email. When RantWoman brought up her concern and the suggestion about talking one at a time, she received return email suggesting she just go worship somewhere else where there are no children. Fortunately for the future of quakerdom, there are no such options within RantWoman's one bus on First Days travel constraints. RantWoman has not heard back about any other ideas but RantWoman is PRETTY sure kids AND grownups can work this out.

If you would like to hold this topic in the Light, focus on growth in shared worship, and stop here, please feel free.




If you are game for another ride at the RantWoman spiritual amusement park, thank you and read on.
Warning: it's a spiritual amusement park. RantWoman reminds readers of her past as a Russian literature major and throbbing literature brain symbolism habits. Think parallelism between different scenes with common elements. Think long complex novels whose authors got paid by the cuarto. Think long complex novels where the characters are all referred to by multiple names. RantWoman has also dabbled in Latin American magical realism; one feature of that genre is that timelines are sometimes, to say the least not linear.

In other words, RantWoman pointedly does not guarantee easily digested nibbles. In fact, if people insist that God show up only in easily digested nibbles, Worse Auntie is likely to show up and foam at the mouth about who the heck are any of us to argue with God and why does anyone feel entitled to God as personal Butler, God perfectly sculpted in dainty easily digestible bites? Nor unfortunately can RantWoman guarantee there is anything to be fixed though Holding in the Light nearly always improves the experience.

RantWoman recently had a conversation with a Weighty Friend about a Famous Founding member of our Meeting. Famous Founding Member expected his children who came to Meeting to sit through worship from day one. Famous Founding Member claimed that this practice is why all of those children remained Quakers as adults. RantWoman notes this without further comment.

RantWoman is an oldest child. Especially with a young RantWoman, the RantParents did not necessarily have a great grasp on the concept of "age appropriate. RantWoman learned early that Mommy was a better person all week if she had a good experience at church, and RantWoman learned that the church service was usually a whole lot more interesting that whatever childcare options were available. RantDad as choir director usually could keep an eye on the Rant children from the front of the church 

RantWoman was also on the learn to sit still side of the sit still or get spanked when we get home norm of parental behavior expectations. RantWoman is not sure she is grateful to Little Sister for reminding her recently of this divide, but it does partly explain some of RantWoman's twitches around uncorralled children in worship: a stew of "someone is going to get spanked," "where ARE their parents?" "How come they get to run around and I don't?"

RantWoman reminds herself that she is a Quaker not a Presbyterian anymore and children are SUPPOSED to be allowed to breathe. Than RantDad shows up with his bad vision and unacknowledged frustration shrieking at young children who do the bobble around thing all young children do. RantWoman remembers being terrified about RantDad yelling; now unfortunately RantWoman can relate to the frustration but she considers it her holy duty to TRY to keep a handle on the shrieking.

Next come RantWoman's bus nerves. RantWoman has written extensively of the vast realms of rich spiritual experience and spiritual challenge available aboard the average public transportation system. Today's topic is children, small people who need to stay connected to the big people they get on the bus with while everyone quickly and safely gets stowed, small people who sometimes speak better English than the big people they get on the bus with, all kinds of situations where it helps if everyone pays attention to safety and courtesy.

But RantWoman, someone will say, it's Meeting for Worship, not the bus. Um, RantWoman's bus nerves have a single standard of Truth. They cannot tell the difference between the bus and Meeting for Worship. Sometimes on the bus that is a GOOD thing.

But RantWoman that's YOUR mental health issue. Can't you just go talk to your counselor (times 2 with a theme and variations motif)?


WARNING: TRIGGER ALERT for additional trauma!
Very Funny. RantWoman has a new mental health provider. About the second time RantWoman had an appointment with new mental health provider, there was ...ta-da...massive disruption in bus service all over the city for several hours because one of the humble public servants who drives buses got shot in the face by, please excuse RantWoman speaking plainly and HOLD THE GUY IN THE LIGHT --posthumously because of police action, an idiot with a gun who could not pay his bus fare.

RantWoman of course was affected by the massive schedule disruptions but had no idea initially what bus route was affected.

RantWoman managed an alternative routing that at least got RantWoman to her appointment but got her there very late. Not late enough to cancel, but late enough to exchange info: new mental health professional rides the route affected by the shooting all the time. RantWoman rides that route sometimes too. And when RantWoman's bus nerves want to flare into hypervigilance mode, RantWoman needs only to think about shooter on a bus at rush hour on a bus with lots of family destinations on the route.

Maybe other people can bear with RantWoman and her multiple time sequences and all the joy and tragedy and scarieness and love sitting in worship and can join RantWoman in holding THE BUS in the Light too.

And maybe we all get to count our blessings that Meeting for Worship usually is not as scary as the bus.