Why? Perspective

RantWoman, that guy in your Meeting who is about to be done, Done, DONE with 10 years of Department of Corrections supervision, the guy you refer to as The Safest Sex Offender on the Planet, why do you call him that?


--First, it was not always so. RantWoman now shorthands her initial coffee hour conversation over a decade ago with the future Safest Sex Offender on the Planet as "I really need to be in treatment." RantWoman is unsure whether the applicable concept was minimizing or blaming the victim. RantWoman at the time had a lot of both going on around her because of another personal situation. The outline of the proposed participation in a faith community as part of treatment sounded entirely reasonable to RantWoman. But because of RantWoman's personal situation, she was clear simply to make another introduction and to get out of the loop.

--The exact crime the Safest Sex Offender on the Planet pled guilty to is an act of nonpenetrative sex enthusiastically enjoyed by many many pairs of consenting adults everywhere. The problem: things which are wonderful between consenting adults are NEVER okay between an adult and a much younger child.

--Here we trot out LOTS of psychological terminology and measurement tools and invoke Science. The Safest Sex Offender on the Planet's offense was a crime of opportunity, a child he was around because of a dating relationship. The Safest Sex Offender ... never sought out other victims. The Safest Sex Offender underwent lots of psychological and physiological testing as part of his treatment. One of the conditions of our Meeting's willingness to work with the future Safest Sex Offender on the planet was that he signed a release allowing a practicing clinical psychologist in our community access to MANY treatment documents. This was never stated explicitly in Business Meeting as a requirement; the psychologist simply took steps about the release; RantWoman would say that this work was key to community confidence at a number of points.

So for example, many test endured by our offender were outlined in sometimes exquisite detail in Meeting for Business. All of the tests indicated no predatory inclination whatsoever. In other words, the Safest Sex Offender on the Planet fits the profile of others with very low risk of re-offense. On top of that, the Safest Sex Offender on the Planet is in an age group where, if reoffense has not occurred so far, it is very unlikely due to age alone.

--A key moment in our Meeting's walk with the Safest Sex Offender on the Planet was that he wrote a letter that was read in Business Meeting specifically acknowledging responsibility for his actions. RantWoman does not remember whether the alternate weeks schedule of attendance at our two worship hours arose before or after the letter, but RantWoman does remember a sense that the letter was important in the evolution of things.


--At this point, the Safest Sex Offender on the Planet has unquestionably done his work about the matter of acceptable adult behavior. Plus he has spent the last 10 years in therapy groups filling his head with information about the ways guys mess up and dire consequences for messups. The Safest Sex Offender on the Planet has a Lifetime Safety Plan with a certain amount of boilerplate text reminding him and everyone else that he is always at risk of reoffense; he takes VERY seriously the terms of his Lifetime Safety Plan including commitment to stay away from places frequented by children unless he is with someone familiar with his offense, to limit incidental contact in public, not to date women with minor children, and not to be in homes where there are minor children unless the children's parents (RantWoman would edit to say parent, guardian or caregiver) are aware of his offense.

Here we get to a collision between the Safest Sex Offender on the Planet's safety plan and other realities: the Safest Sex Offender on the Planet and several members of the RantFamily all live in the same neighborhood. There is never going to be more than casual incidental contact between the Safest Sex Offender on the Planet and say, Irrepressible Nephew and his parents. The Safest Sex Offender on the Planet is not, for instance, going to be hanging out at Little Sister's household watching soccer in Spanish. But we all might bump into each other and members of Little Sister's household are attuned enough to people's behaviors that some of them might wonder about the Safest Sex Offender's moving away from incidental contact.

The Safest Sex Offender on the Planet is of course going to use his judgment about need to disclose his status, but RantWoman had to put her foot down: there are good reasons, like other people's worse issues why the Safest Sex Offender on the Planet's old offense, adjudicated, treated to the best of his and the DoC's ability is NOT necessarily the worst problem of anyone's day. Nephew and his parents are empowered as best as they and RantWoman can help bring about,in ways that SHOULD detect not only issues caused by the Safest Sex Offender on the Planet, but also issues caused by all the other sex offenders out there. RantWoman thinks too much detail in connection with just living in the same neighborhood will not be helpful to anyone.

--RantWoman weighs all this with another point: there is an advantage to "everyone" knowing of one's situation. No one is going to ask the Safest Sex Offender on the Planet to watch their children. LOTS of eyes can also be a guard against both new offenses and possible false accusations. In other words, the past is never over, but the Safest Sex Offender is highly motivated not to re-offend. People who have been worshipping with him, talking about him in Business Meeting, etc. are highly motivated to watch for anything that even faintly looks like a new offense; fellow worshippers are also highly motivated to keep an eye out for false accusation. How could he not be the Safest Sex Offender on the planet?

--RantWoman has even been known to say that she has slightly fewer worries about the Safest Sex Offender on the Planet than she does about someone else she interacts with. That individual has never been accused of inappropriate BEHAVIOR. He loudly and flamboyantly proclaims interest in specific categories of pornography. His name pops out of search engines in connection with lawsuits about his tastes. RantWoman generally says "Thank you SO much for telling me; I SO wish I did not need to know" RantWoman also advises this guy and does everything she can to ensure that this guy is never, ever, under any circumstances alone with a child. But people like this are one reason RantWoman really, really favors keeping the Safest Sex Offender on the Planet in perspective.



RantWoman has a lot to say about other elements of community safety; that gets to be said in another post. In the meantime, another self-interview question:

RantWoman, what do you think it means that all those people have been willing to watch one sex offender but we cannot find enough adults to staff our childcare programs?

Good question. Not one that RantWoman remembers ever getting articulated in a public forum but here is what rises for RantWoman.

--Actually a large number of people willing to watch--and at first worship elsewhere with--one sex offender might be neither here nor there as far as staffing the children's programs. Some adults are not gifted / led to work with children in the first place. Adults worshipping elsewhere at another time are still available if willing on First Days to help with children. RantWoman sees a good well-staffed children's program as vital for a worshipping community but is unsure that fewer people watching one sex offender would automatically translate into more adults available to work with children.

--RantWoman sees the large number of people willing to watch one sex offender as a large number of people willing to include him somehow in community. RantWoman also sees this large number as people willing to provide eyes both to guard against future offenses and to help create a sense of safety for people restimulated in his presence.

RantWoman hears in the question about all those people willing to watch one offender thoughts about whether RantWoman's Meeting a little bit lost perspective as far as monitoring zeal. The thought as definitely occurred to RantWoman, especially late into the Safest Sex Offender's program. For better or worse the thought has never made it out of RantWoman's mouth and especially not in anything like acceptable Quakerese. The Safest Sex Offender on the Planet, for what it's worth has also been putting up with our Meeting about the whole issue.

RantWoman is enough of a wonk to think of some kind of study noting actual new offenses and any relationship between likelihood of offense and features of different congregations' monitoring might be an interesting exercise. But that is a conversation for another day.