Community Teas about Rape and Violence

Dear Readers,

Did the title of this post cause you to choke on your tea? The phrase in the title did lead to an actual tea party involving actual tea. To everyone's PROFOUND relief, the focus of the event shifted from rape and violence to gardening, but RantWoman's willingness to start where people were is one of the elements of conversational safety that helped find the right path for the situation.

RantWoman mentions this phrase, as well, because of a curious parallelism with an organizational artifact lingering at RantWoman's Meeting. After previous rounds of discussion about The Safest Sex Offender on the Planet, RantWoman's Meeting created something called The Subcommittee on Interpersonal Violence. In both cases, the problem to RantWoman's ear about the name of the concept is that RantWoman cannot necessarily tell from the title whether one is for, against or objective and neutral about the concept in question.

The Subcommittee on Interpersonal Violence was supposed to include at least one member each from Oversight and Worship and Ministry and maybe someone at large. The mission of this committee was partly to minister to The Safest Sex Offender on the Planet, partly to maintain resources and promote further conversation about abuse survivors and related concerns in Meeting. Ministry to and with the Safest Sex Offender... himself is mainly done a different way right now and RantWoman is meditating about some conversations she might like to have about that topic.


The Subcommittee lingers on our Nominating Committee list. During the initial round of discussions about the Safest Sex Offender on the Planet, the Subcommittee on Interpersonal Violence compiled the resource list mentioned elsewhere, developed guidelines for and convened some Listening sessions for individuals interested in being heard by a small group. However, the original members of this subcommittee all laid down their participation and directed Nominating Committee to find replacements. The Subcommittee... lingers in Friends' thinking but currently has no members and any conception of its role and activities is too nebulous for meaningful action. RantWoman is meditating about whether some of the previous activities such as listening sessions need to be revived--not to mention whether there is energy to do this, particularly in preference to many other ways to engage one's spiritual life and participate in community.

Meanwhile, as for the title, RantWoman needs to beg Quakerly indulgence even for bringing it up. RantWoman has written previously of her two former neighbors who are deaf-blind, one of whom is transgendered. The transgendered one favors Value Village formal wear--for weekdays. She also speaks of the many abuses she suffers among neighbors in terms of "rape." RantWoman would say there is a long way between "She used to be a guy," even if that is one of the more tactful comments RantWoman ever heard, and actual rape. Still, if that is the language and metaphor space RantWoman's former neighbor understands, RantWoman has absolutely no problem letting the term hold space in conversation. In fact, RantWoman would SO like it if others around her could arrive at similar centeredness about the topic!