La Jolla MM Minute on Harassment

RantWoman is posting this item with minimal comment. Last summer RantWoman was at a gathering with someone intimately connected wtih the story that resulted in the following minute. RantWoman is posting the text here with the permission of the person she received it from; this person says that this minute is a public document and a copy hangs in the kitchen at their Meetinghouse.

RantWoman's Meeting does not have such a statement. RantWoman wonders whether other Meetings do. RantWoman is posing the question in the context of a general discussion in her Meeting.

STATEMENT CONCERNING RELATIONSHIPS WITHIN THE QUAKER COMMUNITY
La Jolla Monthly Meeting

Introduction:
Quakers are known for honest, ethical behavior and by far the majority of Friends take our principles into our practices. This is one thing we appreciate about Friends. Part of the strength of our community lies in our knowing and trusting one another.

It is important, however, that we recognize that attending Quaker Meeting or being a Quaker does not guarantee that a person will live a life based on a single standard of truth. It does not guarantee that a person will act in harmony with Quaker principles and testimonies at all times. Indeed, instances of serious illegal and unethical behavior have occurred within Quaker circles and friendships have been abused, boundaries have been crossed, even children have been hurt.

MINUTE:
We therefore recommend that Friends exercise the same caution and consider the same issues in dealing with each other that we would employ in our business, professional, and personal lives.

The following questions may be helpful when considering any new relationship:

1. Am I placing myself or others in a vulnerable situation either personally or professionally?

2. Am I checking the qualifications of each person with whom I am entering a professional relationship as carefully as I would scrutinize anyone who is not a Quaker?

3. Are the boundaries between professional and personal clear to both or all of us?

We also recommend that clear agreements and/or contracts be drawn up and monitored. These recommendations apply to all personal, social, business, and professional relationships within the Meeting community and may also be helpful in the wider world.

PROCESS:
When a problem is brought to the attention of Ministry and Oversight, we recognize that as a community we have responsibility to work closely with the individuals involved, to take action in a loving and prayerful spirit, and to not look away. Various processes are used to resolve misunderstandings or bring about the amicable settlement of disputes: the use of private conversation; meetings for clearness; consultation with M. & O.; referral for counseling, mediation, or work with an experienced facilitator; and other measures, as appropriate.


Meeting for Worship on the Occasion of Business
Approved 9-12-99, La Jolla, CA



In recognition that this meeting is not exempt from experiences that occur in the wider community, La Jolla Monthly Meeting has minuted its acceptance of the following statement.

STATEMENT CONCERNING HARASSMENT AND ABUSE
In our gathering swe seek an environment of welcoming love and acceptance which encourages the full and equal participation of all. Friends strive to bring together a community of mutual concern which challenges all forms of violence against others, a community in which faith and principles are expressed in appropriate action.

Recognition of the Divine within every person leads us to treat each other with respect in all of our dealings. Asking for permission, reading body language, learning to accept “No,” and learning to communicate what we do want are all our shared responsibilities. Through such behaviors, we affirm our belief in the reverence and respect due to every person.

Abuse, coercion, sexual harassment, and intimidation of any kind profoundly violate our community of love and trust. As Friends, we are called to develop a truly inclusive community. Violence and harassment, whether intentional or unintentional, are inconsistent with our basic conviction of the divine in each of us.
ABUSE includes demeaning comments, threats, domination by force, the use of violence, intimidation, and abuse of power. Abuse may be physical, emotional, psychological, or verbal. Neglect is a form of abuse. Name-calling, labeling and beatings are all forms of abuse.
SEXUAL HARASSMENT includes unsolicited and unwanted behaviors with a sexual connotation, especially if repetitive. Examples might include: suggestive looks or gestures; sexual comments, teasing or jokes with a sexual content; letters, calls or materials of a sexual nature; imposed touching or closeness; pressure for dates; discrimination on the basis of gender or sexual orientation.

To act in these ways is contrary to our deepest reverence for the divine in every person.

RECOMMENDATIONS
If you are having a problem, Ministry and Oversight suggest that you discuss it first with the person involved. If this isn’t possible or does not end the behavior, speak to a trusted friend, the clerk of the Meeting or a member of Ministry and Oversight who will listen in a sensitive, non-judgmental and confidential manner. If action needs to be taken, M. & O. is the appropriate group to matter.

Our hope to create the peaceable kingdom requires us to work together on these issues.

LA JOLLA MONTHLY MEETING RELIGIOUS SOCIETY OF FRIENDS