Interrupting document: distributed to interest group and worship group leaders as well as othersand not interrupted

Calla lilies because
this post needs some visuals

RantWoman does not exactly apologize but does offer to set context. In the runup to Annual session RantWoman was too busy propagating accessibility in bigger ponds than Quakerdom, so RantWoman just decided to live with whatever hacked up, reference to cat hairballs, out of preparations done by others.

Now though, RantWoman is going to TRY to pick through details of her experience while dragging out the inner blowtorch and trying to hold a WHOLE bunch of people in the Light, perhaps OCCASIONALLY with a teeny bit of gratitude for fortifying RantWoman's spine and soul for realms beyond Quakerdom, realms frequently populated by younger adults who find it MUCH easier to interact with some concerns than do Quakers.

Here for instance, RantWoman, NOT very humbly, would like to suggest some annotations to the final handout which people in an number of categories received before Annual Session. RantWoman will separately post annotations to minutes and if RantWoman is feeling completely insufferable to other documents. Please note: this document includes suggested scenarios. RantWoman, being both verbose and to open paths for Friends to learn will be offereing separate posts about some of the scenarios.

So buckle up everyone.

Interrupting Racial and Transphobic Harms at NPYM Annual Session

 

Introduction

In the last two years, we have used the Ouch/Whoa/Oops (OWO) process to interrupt racial and transphobic harms (sometimes called microaggressions) that occur during Annual Session. 

[RantWoman in an email "Racial and transphobic harms are not the only harms that occur. Sexism anyone? Ableism? Ageism? Classism?]

OWO is a tool that has been used with some success in some Quaker groups like FCNL. This year we are moving away from OWO because of feedback we have received that it is too formulaic or mechanistic.

 

Still, we remain committed to Interrupting these harms immediately when they happen. These interruptions, even though they seem difficult at the time, are crucially important to the healing work that leads to formation of the Blessed Community. When we let one of these microaggressions occur without responding, we, by our silence, essentially approve of, or agree with, the harm done. We let the “elephant” stay in the room, even though most everyone knows it is there and that it is seriously out of place.

[HELLO: not everyone experiences a given action the same way. RantWoman is cautious about using the term "snowflake," but some people melt down way more easily than others in the same or similar situations. Plus, RantWoman is the sort of person who might say :"well I just need to have a meltdown but please don't take it personally!" 

[Sometimes the urge to "help" without asking what would help is a worse intrusion than the original behavior. Sometime the urge to help comes across as virtue signalling or saviorism. We also will not talk about gaslighting, minimizing, and silencing when help IS asked for. RantWoman is grateful for a few voices in a training video from a session RantWoman missed for getting at least PART of RantWoman's point]

[Worse yet, since RantWoman very much has many strands of war, human rights atrocity, and quest for political integrity on her mind, RantWoman is called to now that some conflicts are probably NOT going to get solved in the span of one Quaker gathering. And the world is probably not going to stop even if conflicts persist.]

[Here RantWoman wishes to thank members of her worship group. The group was well held on many grounds. If anyone wants to argue that not wanting to talk about cluster bombs, a hot topic at the time, somehow constitutes racism, bring it on. Leave a comment. RantWoman herself has WAY more to say about a certain "special military operation and multiple strands of lies, disinformation, and warmongering than would fit into the worship group. But feel free to leave a comment....]

 

For a full discussion of why we are continuing this work and of how interrupting racial and transphobic harms might happen during Annual Session, please take some time to read carefully the attached information sheet that we are including in all the registration packets. This same information will be discussed at the first Plenary of Annual Session as well.

 

What this means for you as a Worship Sharing Group leader or Interest Group facilitator is that someone in the group you are hosting may end up using some of the less formulaic language that we point out in the information sheet. Or, they may say Ouch, because they are familiar with it from last year. And you will be faced with dealing with a microaggression in the middle of your group’s time. 

 

First

It is first useful to review what a microagression is. It is defined as a brief, commonplace, verbal, behavioral, or environmental indignity, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicates hostile, derogatory, or negative slights and insults toward a member of an oppressed group. Sometimes referred to as “death by paper cuts.”  These smaller instances of insult accumulate and have significant impacts on members of an oppressed group.

 

Examples: constantly misgendering trans people 

[Guess what! cisgender people ALSO get misgendered, though thankfully usually not deadnamed]; 

asking of Black Friends “I love your hair. Can I touch it?” Asking of a dark-skinned person: “Where are you from?” implying that Black people are an anomaly at a Quaker Gathering. Or, commenting that “Black people really like a religious service with more singing and emotion,” implying that no Black person could be drawn to an unprogrammed silent worship.

 

When you have the time you might view the following two videos which are short and give more examples of what a microaggression looks like and feels like to those on the receiving end:

 

How microaggressions are like mosquito bites – Fusion Comedy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDd3bzA7450

 

Listen: How Do You Respond to Microaggressions? – Pacific Lutheran University

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3LFB4mJ0DI

 

Practicalities

It is likely that you will have no experience of a microaggression in your group. [REALLY???? This entire statement is a microaggression--or maybe even a macroaggression! What if the sentence read something like "We are working on this process because we are aware that microaggressions occur all the time among us and that the weight of this oppression falls more heavily on some among use than on others?"] 

But, if someone in a group you are clerking or facilitating, does indicate a microaggression has occurred, no matter what language they choose to use, here are some tips about what to do:

 

• Don’t panic. Your main role is to listen in the moment – you are not there to resolve the situation if there is conflict. To the extent the situation requires further listening and resolution, that can happen when the parties involved visit with a Listener (see below) after the worship sharing or interest group is over.
• [WTAF??? I thought we are all ministers of God and referring a situation to a listener may or may not be what is most needed.]
• 
  
• If the person harmed is a member of an oppressed group, allow them to tell what they have experienced, if they choose to do so.
• [WTAF??? What happened to the testimony on equality??? Shouldn't we care whether ANYONE experiences harm? Also, whether or not a person is a member of an oppressed group may or may not be obvious.]
• 
  
• If the person is not the focus of the microagression but realizes that a microaggression has occurred, again, allow the person to explain what has happened and why it is a problem.
• 
  
• Allow the person who made the offending remark to respond, hopefully to say they are sorry, possibly to say they don’t understand what they did wrong.
• 
  
• Encourage both the person calling out the harm and the person who did the harm to talk with a Listener after the session. Listeners are folks who are going to be located at designated dining room tables, or other areas, or online. You can learn more about them from the information sheet. This way both parties can seek further clearness in a more private setting. Let everyone in the group know that these same Listeners are happy to talk with them about the incident if they didn’t understand what happened.
• [What if a listener or a clerk or a recording clerk or... is the one committing the microaggression? RantWoman loves y'all, and ...]
• Take your time with all of this. If appropriate, call for a moment of silent worship. It may seem like your worship group has lost focus or your interest group is going off the rails. But really, what is happening is a form of worship and ministry. It is an opportunity to bring your group closer to the Beloved Community by listening and trying to understand.
• If time remains and it is appropriate to do so, continue worship sharing or continue the interest group.
• Let a Listener know what happened as soon as you can after your group concludes, even if the matter seems resolved. This way if it should come back to us we will be prepared. Also, it is good just to keep track of how often microaggressions arise during Annual Session.
• And, finally, feel free to talk with a Listener too, as you might need to communicate your own feelings about what happened.

 

Role Plays (There are no “right” answers. Feel into the moment. Take your time. Reach for Divine. Hold all Friends present in the Light. Call for silent worship together first.)

 

1.

Attender A: I don’t see the big deal about pronouns. I don’t want to hear it.

 

Attender B: Friends, I hear a lack of clarity about transphobia.

 

Facilitator:

 

2.

Attender C: I just don’t see “color.” We are all children of God, Black or white or purple.

 

Attender D: I feel uncomfortable with Friend C’s comment about race.

 

Facilitator:

 

3.

Attender E: I just love Black culture. Watermelon is my favorite fruit!

 

Attender F: Ouch!

 

Facilitator:

 

4.

Attender G: I was recently called the N word when I was crossing the street.

 

(white) Attender H: That’s awful! I can’t believe that would happen nowadays! Seriously, I am so angry to hear that! I wish I’d been there. (Straying into territory of making it all about themselves, rather than Friend G.)

 

Attender I: Sadly, “not believing” a Friend of color can feel like denial. Thank you for sharing your painful experience, Friend G. (ID’ing the microaggression and steering conversation back to Friend G’s experience.)

 

Facilitator: