From RantWoman's fitful intermittent readings off
Our Daily Bread with prayers for family she shares ODB with and some family dramas RantWoman is letting season in the background:
"In God’s purposes, each believer does his or her part, but the results are team-oriented. After explaining the wide differences in the spiritual gifts of believers, Paul says, “the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all” (
1 Cor. 12:7). When we use the skills God gives us, His purposes are accomplished, and He gets the glory. In God’s service, it’s not about being the best, the most talented, or the most gifted. It’s about being the right people—the ones God “set . . . in the body” (v.18)—joining together to serve the same team.
Christ builds His church with different stones And makes each one secure; All shapes and sizes fit in placeTo make His church endure. —Anon.
There are no unimportant people in the body of Christ."
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+12%3A7-18Okay, RantWoman is debating about substituting community or the blessed community or some darn thing for body of Christ even though the body of Christ bit definitely speaks to RantWoman's quiescent Inner Baptist Social Action Holy Crusader for all that is True and Just.
from Mark Wutka at
The Ear of The SoulMy favorite verse in the bible is Galatians 5:22-23, "The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, patience, peace, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control." If I.. those to me are a touchstone, that if we are not feeling those things, we're not in touch with the Spirit.
Okay, RantWoman is trying again. RantWoman is most assuredly still processing her Compost matter.
"I am to be true to the Light I am given." RantWoman in email.
RantWoman is specifically opting NOT to post many extracts of email, either hers or someone else's. RantWoman will leave to her readers' imagination as to why. Well, RantWoman is to be true to the Light she is given.
RantWoman was given Light to enquire whether someone ever screws up, to point out that the RantWoman understanding of God includes a lot of forgiveness as well as the firm belief that is wrong to blame God for one's screwups. RantWoman recognizes that both of these points are heard of rather less frequently among liberal Friends than SPICE oversimplifications, but TOUGH.
RantWoman could easily see why someone receiving tidings about this view of his or her tender leadings could be, well, affronted to say the least. RantWoman is having to trust thoughts from a blog months ago about treating people equally but not identically. RantWoman is pointedly not offering Quakerese to English translation of her views about someone's interactions with RantWoman's ferocious leadings either about being called to ask NO ONE's permission for her leadings or to the effect that she most assuredly was not called to season a certain someone's leading alone. The point: RantWoman opted to selectively filter and compost a bunch of stuff from one recent email effort and grab onto the very, very thin and still oddly formed "I'm sorry!"
The more interesting problem is, why is RantWoman going on about this in queue with all her seasoning of events at the
Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference ? Please bear with it! RantWoman is such a logorrheic overachiever: perhaps her readers are simply to take this as yet another reflection paper, for a total of FIVE so far with a couple more seasoning in Drafts on the theme Walk With Me, Mentor. Elder, Friend.
RantWoman has spent considerable time at the
Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference seasoning a message something like the following. The message has not yet been spoken. At dissertation length, it is either going to have to get trimmed or get seasoned over time in shorter spells.
RantWoman has heard women of great gifts, energy and focus speak of wanting mentors and not finding them in places they expect. RantWoman is wondering whether these circumstances also relate to women underestimating that of God within themselves, their own gifts and rightness for what is needed. RantWoman heard indications in both public ministry and private conversation that this problem may be as much generational as gender-specific--and that the problem does not respect lines of Quaker schism. RantWoman herself is meditating about the ways this is true in the Compost matter, her monthly Meeting, maybe her Yearly Meeting. RantWoman promises to elaborate over time.
RantWoman heard one woman speak with great frankness but not much detail of the Clerk of her Meeting in another Yearly Meeting abusing his position in very gender-specific terms, serial sexual harassment. RantWoman is regretting not having more of a conversation about this topic with the Friend carrying the concern: RantWoman can get into soap opera just as much as anyone, and RantWoman wants to know how accountability finally worked itself out in this situation. RantWoman supposes she and readers can hold the Meeting involved in the Light whether or not the exact details are known, but RantWoman thinks the details probably light the way for other Friends who might at some point face similar problems.
Friends' testimonies on equality notwithstanding, RantWoman has heard women speak of appalling sexism faced by female students in MDiv programs at two different nominally Quaker institutions. RantWoman also overheard one student's mentor tell her that she does not have to enumerate every instance of sexism the student ever experiences. RantWoman agrees though RantWoman notes that one should keep enough data to detect / illustrate patterns.
In the vein of educators with sexist attitudes, RantWoman is also reflecting on a recent email she got, an article RantWoman thinks is quite important in the field where the author teaches. RantWoman appreciates this person's wisdom and long scholarship; RantWoman also notes that women students and grad students sometimes had occasion to note considerably less scholarly challenges and is meditating about how this experience might relate to the problems mentioned above. What does it mean for women to walk with each other over time in such circumstances?
In terms of RantWoman's Compost matter, part of what makes RantWoman shake about giving messages in this vein is on one hand the sheer number and variety of ways a certain face can pop up and some patterns she has observed. RantWoman is seasoning what she herself is called to do about them.
RantWoman to her surprise is again is finding herself led in the direction of "tough love" and minimal BS / maximum compost, RantWoman for a role model has in mind a very business like Weighty Friend who once gave RantWoman the most Quakerly dressing down ever because RantWoman had just assumed the role whose job description it exactly was to hear Weighty Friend's very precise articulation of the functionality she needed. RantWoman supposes that Weighty Friend has dealt with any number of poets, prima donnas and artistes, which probably is what makes her a good role model.
Alas, RantWoman is becoming clearer and clearer that she must tend something sore in her own head as well, about which more shortly. To be repetitive, RantWoman asks permission from NO ONE for her leadings and, much as she may respect and admire someone does NOT automatically assume any Friend is the best mentor for a given situation. RantWoman would also say there are rather problematic mentor issues compplicated by emotional landmines--ON BOTH SIDES. RantWoman is feeling some kind of pang for not trying harder to have a real conversation with some individual human over the whole weekend. Well, RantWoman is QUITE clear that sometimes a break from thinking about problems that sap one's energy and focus is a great good thing, but RantWoman is also feeling inept to be home again with her burdens and without some conversational upholding!
RantWoman wants to speak of a problem, of patterns she cannot ignore. RantWoman has in fact been speaking of the symptoms of the problem, of a very challenged relationship with someone proclaiming himself a mentor for the situation and phrasing this in terms of divine leadings, to RantWoman's admittedly erratic view poorly seasoned divine leadings.
RantWoman wants to speak of patterns she has observed, not only involving herself but others as well. RantWoman still is not clear what needs to be said and to whom. RantWoman has been speaking of this for MONTHS already and does not want to recapitulate. In one sense, the problem has a name, a name likely known by at least 3/4 of those in attendance and pretty ubiquitous in RantWoman's Meeting to boot. In another sense the problem can be named in patterns likely appearing in other places as well RantWoman does not want to name the name and especially does not want to name the name without speaking at least a bit of this person's hurts and Issues.
Bullshit! RantWoman does not want to name the name because the name is not the problem. The problem is for RantWoman to figure out how to deal with the situation, how RantWoman can hew space out of all the community chatter about someone else's Issues to have the conversations she needs to have, to handle her own hurts. Vulnerability and woundedness RantWoman knows woundedness and vulnerability are sometimes drawn to others' vulnerability and weaknesses. RantWoman notes this and thinks somewhere else some strength of a religious community points should muddle out, but this post is already getting too abstruse.
RantWoman has been thinking of a karate teacher who came up in her Home Group. The Friend speaking of him was talking about having trouble really hitting people during sparring practices. The karate teacher, it turns out, is a Seventh Day Adventist. His advice: "hit me on the right, I turn the other cheek, hit me on the left I turn the other cheek, turn the other cheek, turn the other cheek, but in emergency I can handle things." There would also be the point about awareness great enough never to need the emergency. This concept is helping RantWoman center, which one supposes is a good start.
Another image from RantWoman's home group dissects peanut M&M's. There is the hard candy shell. When it cracks, there is space for things to get stuck, and the only thing nutritious is the peanut inside it all. RantWoman understands the point of hard shells and sticky goo and nutritious center, BUT RantWoman thinks chocolate is a major food group and is having a darned hard time getting quite what she is supposed to get out of this specific image.
One of those very articulate young Quaker elders suggested that another problem, something about those endless family ways to get in each other's faces, is like a bee; keep it in a box so the bee cannot sting you.
RantWoman was in home group with another Friend from her own Meeting. RantWoman considers this Friend very weighty, both precise about what she will and will not do, and extremely well-versed in the span of matters Quaker. This Friend was clear that she puts many things that come connected with a certain Friend in a box until said Friend calms down. RantWoman has previously invoked the concept of poets, prima donnas and artistes but that concept is still not putting all of RantWoman's twitches to rest.
RantWoman is really, really, really clear: Weighty Friend's box will NOT work for RantWoman and maybe the what is needed of mentors / walk with me challenge encapsulates the reasons why. RantWoman is going to have to construct her own box. RantWoman may use some of the same principles used by Weighty Friend, but RantWoman is going to have to manage her own box. RantWoman wants other women to know their inner Mentors will sometimes send them signals as fierce as the ones RantWoman is feeling. RantWoman is clear that a friendship WILL get renegotiated or it may not survive. RantWoman is also kind of PISSED OFF though today she is inventorying things she cannot and would not change and thinking about just being true to the Light she is given.
Over several years RantWoman has been called to elder Dear Friend in several ways.
1. RantWoman has helped hold Dear Friend accountable to community needs in a matter involving staff and use of the Meeting computer. RantWoman at one point in the Compost conversation sent an old email off to a Friend from Oversight committee not originally involved in the issue. Friend on Oversight said RantWoman came on a little strong. RantWoman thought this over and reread and can see more affirming ways to rephrase one point. RantWoman also knows from subsequent conversations that there are still other points to fuss about. However, NOTHING has changed RantWoman's views of the appropriateness of the steps ultimately taken even though there is no question they were a pain for Dear Friend.
2. Dear Friend posed an entirely reasonable question about what elders and eldering mean in our Meeting or in our Yearly Meeting. RantWoman thinks this is an extremely important question. RantWoman actually thinks promoting such conversations is exactly the job of a certain committee long a subject of RantWoman's Compost conversations. In any case, this subject unquestionably needs more discernment that just RantWoman and Dear Friend.
Along comes the
Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference and a Friend from our Meeting who did a wonderful well-researched presentation about eldering and elders. RantWoman is so grateful for that entire panel. Now, RantWoman is going to have to poke and prod and exhort Friend Who Did the Research about how to promote further conversations. RantWoman is excited about this!
3. RantWoman in the course of friendship with Dear Friend learned some personal points where RantWoman, for very hard, solid reasons of her own cannot walk very closely alongside Dear Friend. These reasons include both challenges of RantWoman's own and some specific difficulties which arise as Dear Friend lives his understanding of what he is called to do for example about tax resistance.
This does not mean Dear Friend does not need help. RantWoman in fact took rather blunt delight at a certain point in referring the problems to Friend on Oversight. RantWoman does not know that Friend very well, but has guessed based on a few snippets of information that this Friend has not necessarily previously interacted very deeply with the subject of tax resistance. RantWoman is not sure whether Dear Friend was grateful for the opportunity to dialogue about the matter, but RantWoman considers it very important to the life of her Meeting that such conversations occur and recur.
RantWoman must be true to the Light she is given for all of the above. RantWoman has only very modest regrets about anything. Probably this means RantWoman needs to check that some of her efforts are coming across as intended. RantWoman thinks it would probably be a good idea to be prepared for the possibility that they are not. Sigh
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